Online Dating….what a trip. What works for you?

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by vandalin

Why is it that all of these women (men too) who are so worried about "stalkers" and lame-o's that they can't/won't send a quick, "Thank you, but I'm not interested. Good Luck" have never heard of the ignore, block, or report buttons?

Hi Vandalin,

Probably the same reason, that people with the expectation of getting a response no matter what, don`t pay attention to the fact that OKC shows how often a person replies. 'Rarely' , 'Selectively', 'Often'.

If any person, only wants to deal with someone who responds no matter what,..then they need to pay closer attention to the profile !


I do agree with you, regarding someone you are already interested in/conversing with. If they lose interest, or need to vanish, common courtesy would be to say so, not leave a person hanging.

[Magdlyn]

Yeah, on both.

As far as the messaging goes, just last wk I had this guy msg me. I checked his profile. As far as looks go, he admitted to being 5'4" and 265 lbs. That's just unhealthy... plus my ex and I were overweight and unhealthy in a lot of ways, and I just dont want to deal. I'm fit now. I like to hike and swim, and have a lot of vigorous sex. I doubt he was capable of any of that.

Personality-wise, this guy was a right wing fundie christian looking for a monogamous wife. I state in my profile I am queer/bi, poly, a switch and a skeptical atheist/pagan.

His spelling was atrocious. It was extremely apparent he hadn't spent 1 minute reviewing my profile. He'd maybe just looked at my pix, thought I was hot, and that was enough for him.

This is so unmannerly and just wack, he doesn't deserve the 2 minutes it would take me to reply, no thanks, and block him in case he was persistent.

[dragonflysky]

Originally Posted by rpcrazy

i'm in las vegas...I have little hope. Everyone here is either a serial monogamous, a mormon, a part of some orthodox religious section, or just really conservative. I'm pretty convinced funny, smart, and attractive poly men and women don't actually exist around me(j/k). I suppose opening your horizons to cali people is an option though. L.A is close to las vegas

My couple lives a little over an hour outside of LV, and I live in Mormon heartland "Utah" (although I'm not Mormon)......So you just never know!

[EugenePoet]

Heh, I didn't see this thread until today. I just pulled my profile off OKC last night. All the experiences I had were positive, and I met some fine friends; it's just that for me it's a little TOO seductive to spend a couple of hours looking through profiles for people that sound interesting, messaging, chatting...and then I realize I really wanted to spend some face-time with one of my friends instead of being online.

Had some good dates, though. My rule was to be honest, honest, honest, and polite-respectful-considerate always. It seems that there are enough rude, pushy, dishonest guys out there that if a fellow is a gentleman women appreciate him. Also, being able to put words in a coherent line is a help.

From what I read and experienced there is a HUGE divide between the experience for men and for women. I read some absolutely hideous chat logs that women posted -- the men in the chat were not just rude, they were violently abusive.

[redpepper]

http://ladylubyanka.wordpress.com/20...19/dating-ads/

found this link that I thought might be helpful... thought I would put it here.

[vanille]

I do not respond to most messages that I receive. I know that may seem rude to many of you. But there are a lot of messages, with very few hopeful leads. I am actually picky. If it is obvious that they did not read my profile, looks like they are not my type at all physically, send a message that is base with nothing to hold my interest (u r pretty)(want to meet?)(what's up).

I have pretty high standards (everyone has a right to them).

I don't want to waste my time or theirs.

I asked my husband (who has not gotten one response on the site and is actually sad about that) if he would prefer a friendly hello or even a dismissal to nothing at all (assuming the girl has no interest in him).

He said not, they would send him the message that she was interested (if they just responded with a polite hello), and a rejection is useless except to hurt his ego even more.

[Eponine]

Originally Posted by vanille

I do not respond to most messages that I receive. I know that may seem rude to many of you. But there are a lot of messages, with very few hopeful leads. I am actually picky. If it is obvious that they did not read my profile, looks like they are not my type at all physically, send a message that is base with nothing to hold my interest (u r pretty)(want to meet?)(what's up).

I have pretty high standards (everyone has a right to them).

I don't want to waste my time or theirs.

I'm pretty much the same. I ignore a large portion of the messages I got too. Many guys just wrote one line, like "how are you""you're beautiful". With so little effort, why do they deserve my response? And I'm especially turned off by those who only compliment my looks.

I also message guys first occasionally, and not everyone replied. I think it's totally normal. It's also normal that after a few messages, either me or them stopped communication because of various reasons.

[zylya]

For me, the thing about messages is that both groups (men and women) are ruining it for themselves:

- Guys sending out bad messages make women want to do it less.
- If a girl doesn't respond to any message that a guy has put effort into, the guy will either put in less effort, or just stop.

It's very easy for everyone to get jaded with online dating, as a woman you get a lot of shitty messages that annoy and frustrate, and as a guy who tries hard you seem to be banging your head against a brick wall. The problem is that the jadedness is caused by an entirely different group of people - the guys who obviously cut/paste to as many pairs of boobs as possible (and let's be honest, that's all they're doing).

I guess what I'm saying is that if you're serious about meeting people online (and not everyone is) then if someone puts a decent amount of effort into actually connecting with you (i.e. has read your profile and tried to write a good message), acknowledging their existence might actually convince them to stick with it. Otherwise all the people actually trying will just drop off and all that will be left is the "hi hw r u bbz?" and "lets mak teh sex" guys.

Try and put yourself in the shoes of someone who's actually read your profile and tried to write a good message (i.e. shows you that they've read your profile and are actually interested in you) and then not having a reply... I don't like it, and if I was actually sensitive to that sort of thing I would've quit ages ago (I realise it's the nature of the beast though :-/ )

[bulrush]

Here are the deal killers for me:

• If a woman replies with minimal information to my questions. If I ask "How was your weekend?" she replies "Ok, fine."
• If she is not assertive in maintaining communication, that's a red flag. If she wants me to do all the work, I'm not interested.
• If spelling, grammar, or punctuation are bad, we will not "click" on an intellectual level. Or she is just too lazy to spell check.
• She has a blurry picture. That means she didn't bother to read the "howto" posts that say clear pictures are important.
• If she doesn't have a job, we probably will not have much in common.
• If she doesn't have a car, we probably do not have the same values. No I don't want to hear your sob story. You either have an emergency fund, or you don't.
• If her profile is minimal or vague and leaves out details.
• If her main interests are shopping, "fun", bars, or parties. We probably do not have much in common.
• If she's dating but her divorce is not final. You would not believe how common this is! It screams "desperate" and poor judgement!

As a guy I get very few messages. It's extremely slow from Sep to December, the holiday season. But seems to really pick up from Feb to April or May. It's like in Feb-May people get cabin fever and just want to get out.

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by bulrush

If she's dating but her divorce is not final. You would not believe how common this is! It screams "desperate" and poor judgement!

Hey, that would be me. I separated from my ex in late 08, met my gf in early 09 and my divorce was final this August (2011). Didn't seem to be a problem. I also dated around a dozen guys in those 2 years, and had relationships lasting up to 2 years. No one minded I was "only" separated. Of course, I was living in my own apartment and my kids are grown...