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  #51  
Old 10-22-2012, 08:34 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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All excellent advice.

Boringguy - Yes. I have CP - do you? : )
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  #52  
Old 10-22-2012, 08:37 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post

Boringguy - Yes. I have CP - do you? : )
Fortunately, I do not. But I recognized the characteristics you described.
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  #53  
Old 10-22-2012, 09:30 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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I personally don't see my CP as unfortunate. It has been a great learning living experience. And I am very happy with my body - despite the fact that I can't roller skate and get tired. I subscribe to 'disability pride." I do think the misconceptions about disability (and prejudices) are very unfortunate. Yes, I have a closed mind! But I see many many people have a closed mind about disability and my anger / judgement is really a reaction to that.

Let on OK cupid, I've had people turn me down or stop writing when they understand I have a minor disability. My attitudes used to be, I'm not hot or good enough. My attitude now is NEXT!

I want to THANK EVERYONE HERE for putting up with my ramblings going in all different directions. It has been enlightening and helpful. I have had an opportunity to really look at myself and opinions.
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  #54  
Old 10-22-2012, 09:34 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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This may be highly controversial but to me saying "fortunately, I don't have CP" is the same as saying "fortunately, I am not a woman, man, Asian, gay' Whatever. The bodily difference isn't the hassle. The hassle is that people judge it.
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  #55  
Old 10-22-2012, 10:09 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
This may be highly controversial but to me saying "fortunately, I don't have CP" is the same as saying "fortunately, I am not a woman, man, Asian, gay' Whatever. The bodily difference isn't the hassle. The hassle is that people judge it.


I suspected that you might take it that way, but i said it anyway because i dd not mean it that way. I feel that i am very lucky to have full use of my arms and legs, and my brain, and that i AM able to roller skate. Funny you should mention that of all things. I happen to be involved with roller derby, as are several other members of this forum. At this time, i am functioning primarily as a NSO (non-skating official - a type of referee), but i do love to skate. I recall one time, at a public session, someone approached me and asked if they could introduce me to this young lady in a wheelchair. Turns out, the person was a PCA and the young lady had CP. They asked if one of the derby people would take Young Lady (yes she had a name - "J") - take J for a spin around the rink because J liked roller derby and the PCA wasn't a strong skater and J wanted to go fast. I said i would be happy to do it myself, and for a few minutes i skated at a moderate pace and talked with J about what it was like to be a referee. Then i said "ok ready to go fast now?" and J nodded, so i started skating as hard as i could, and it was very good exercise for muscle groups that don't ordinarily get used in normal skating motion. After about half a dozen laps, i became worn out, and i brought J back to the PCA only to notice that she had vomited. The PCA cleaned her up and didn't seem to think it was a big deal, but i was MORTIFIED. I didn't notice when it happened, and i didn't know how long i had been pushing J around the rink like that, and whether anyone else had noticed.

Anyway. I still consider myself fortunate to be healthy and fully functional. I do not consider having CP or similar physical conditions the same thing as being a particular race or gender. I realize that any moment something out of my control could happen to incapacitate me fully or partially, and i am fortunate that i make it through every day with my faculties, the ones i was born with, intact. Not likely i will wake up as a person of another race, though. So you see, when i said that i fortunately don't have CP, i was coming from a place of appreciating MY reality as i experience it, not from a place of circumscribing YOUR reality as YOU experience it. Sort of like your attitude regarding sex parties. Does that make sense?

Last edited by BoringGuy; 10-22-2012 at 10:25 PM.
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  #56  
Old 10-22-2012, 10:24 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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One more thing - i use the word "fortunate(ly)" to mean "something that i have no control over". I had no control over being born the way i am, which happens to be without CP or any myriad of other physical or mental conditions that are labeled by society and the medical establishment.

By the same token, you "fortunately" were born with this condition known as CP. it is what it is.
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  #57  
Old 10-22-2012, 10:34 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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I am still not understanding. While you might not mean it, I find your comments ableist. I am healthy too! I have full 'faculties" of my body too. It is just that they are DIFFERENT from yours.

I don't see ableism as comparable to "just one's experience." It means noting that able people are not better or more privileged that disabled people. Your using the words fortunately and healthy are words that mainstream society uses. If you are not ableist why did you say it.

No, people to do wake up gay or black,. The comparison is that people still privedgle being abled over disabled. To me Disability is a social construction. Period. It is hard to use a wheelchair because places aren't accessible. It is hard (not for me!) but for some to get a date because people want a normative body. Yes, it is difficult being disabled, there are all kinds of physical problems that go with that. But, seriously the way society is constructed - to privilege the abled (on of my favorite terms b/c I'm sick of hearing the gays, the disabled, the blacks! How about the whites/the abled) is the real issue.

I may misunderstand but using words like healthy? What does that mean? I am unhealthy because I have CP? uhhhh no.
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  #58  
Old 10-23-2012, 12:02 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
Sperm cannot carry HIV.

HUH? This must be a grammar mistake. I don't understand what you are saying! HIV is carried/transmitted through sperm, vaginal fluid, and blood. How do you think it is transmitted???? I am confused. What I said was I was unsure a pos male could father a neg child (a mother CAN). What do you mean?
I said exactly what I meant. OK. Sex Ed 101. HIV is spread through semen. Semen is not sperm. Semen contains sperm. Sperm cells themselves do not contain the HIV virus.

Sperm washing is a technique that removes the sperm from HIV+ semen and uses them for fertilization.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I judge someone's maturity by how they take care of themselves (eat nutritious foods, pay their bills, etc.) and how they treat others (nurture their pets and/or children (if they have them), be there for friends when they need help, don't steal & lie, etc). Once those areas are covered, what they do with their own money or in their spare time has nothing to do with their level of "maturity". Are you sure you're not envious that she has arranged her life in such a way to leave more time open for recreation, whereas you may have arranged your life in such a way that leaves you with less time to use for recreation?

You already said she's "nice kind and loving". Is she also responsible? Does she pay her own way, or does she mooch off of others? If the answer is "pays her own way", I suggest you let go of this "immature" perception of her.
Well said.
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  #59  
Old 10-23-2012, 12:07 AM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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[QUOTE=SchrodingersCat;160986]I said exactly what I meant. OK. Sex Ed 101. HIV is spread through semen. Semen is not sperm. Semen contains sperm. Sperm cells themselves do not contain the HIV virus.

Yes. I know LOL. I realize that's what you meant last night. Sorry! Duh on my part! I knew it was a language thing. I was stupidly meaning actual sperm to mean the whole thing.
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  #60  
Old 10-23-2012, 12:19 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Just read the whole thread.

Might I make a comparison?
When you take umbrage to the 'healthy' vs 'unhealthy' -I understand. I would identify myself as 'healthy' albeit I have ADD and SAD and a metal plate at my C6-C7 disk that limits mobility. However-by medical definition these are health issues.

Likewise-I take umbrage with your use of the term 'immature'.
My sister is 36 years old. She lives alone. She had pets, but they have passed on. She has a boyfriend, he lives with his wife and children.

By your definition, she's immature.

Hiwever, your definition doesn't take into account the fact that at 16, when I got pregnant in highschool, she took it upon herself to be a second mother to my daughter. Together we raised our now 21 year old daughter, who definitely experiences both of us as mothers.
My sister did at least half of all Dr. Appointments, bedtime routine, school work, parent teacher conferences, dental appts etc. she paid half of the expenses and continues, as I do, to support our daughter emotionally in her adult life. We were both there at her side when her first child was born.

You see-my sister CANNOT have children. Her opportunity to pursue a 'serious' relationship was deferred, so that she could devote her life to mothering a child not born to her. THEN-to the subsequent children. She has worked full time since 15 years old, raised children, enjoyed pets, enjoyed grandchildren and been in love. She's watched friends die, she helped raise 3 younger siblings...
She has taken time to learn about hersellf, including her disabilities and as the ONLY person in our whole extended family who is not ADD, she has learned how to support us with our Issues as well.
She is anything if not mature. She is fact one of the most spiritually mature, intellectually mature, socially mature people I know.

There is MUCH to be learned crom thise who are unlike us. I would urge you to seek out further understanding of how your words are marginalizing those people who are different than you-just as I am certain(based upon your post) you would appreciate others learning how their words marginalize you.

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