Married, Poly, but choosing to Practice Monogamy?

[Hades36]

Hey, thanks CielDuMatin! My bottom line is definitely being met and I'm very happy. I'm sure there are others who have made the choices that I have, and for similar if not exactly the same reasons. Its just nice to connect with those folks, now and then.

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by Hades36

Anyways, just wondering if anyone else here is poly at heart, mono in practice, and how you deal with it, how it feels, etc.

We were monogamous during the first stages of our relationship, as we learned to be in a long term relationship together, deal with basic relationship issues... basically, get our relationship into a stage where it was stable enough to have other relationships. But now we're there, and we've once again opened it to a polyship.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl

polyamorous, monoamorous, polygamous, monogamous. Otherwise abbreviations can mix conversation up.

If we're going to be that specific... since almost no one is (legally) polygamous, and when most people say "monogamous relationship" they actually mean "monosexual, monoamorous relationship" and not merely "married-to-one-person relationship"... Why not make it monoschesi and polyschesi? (schesi being Greek for relationship... I think... that's the phonetic spelling anyway, Google wrote σχέση...) ... or since we're already mixing languages for polyamory, we could also just stick with monoship and polyship, which seem to have caught on nicely...

I know, I know... I'm being pedantic. But since monogamous gets thrown around so much, and it doesn't literally mean what we usually mean it to mean... My opinion is that it actually is more appropriate to just say "mono" with the understanding that it means "monoamorous and monosexual."

[Hades36]

I've never enjoyed labeling but I understand that it makes communication across complex ideas much simpler. For us, "mono" and "poly" work just fine.

[GalaGirl]

Alright -- it confuses ME.

Sometimes I just have the need to write it out all the way when I'm not sure I am understanding how it is being used... that gives the writer the opportunity to correct me if I guessed wrong.

Galagirl.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat

. . . we could also just stick with monoship and polyship, which seem to have caught on nicely . . .

And starship? Or "goodship lollipop?"

Yeccch, let's not. "Monoship" and "polyship" are almost as bad is "frubbly" and "wibbles."

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat

I know, I know... I'm being pedantic. But since monogamous gets thrown around so much, and it doesn't literally mean what we usually mean it to mean... My opinion is that it actually is more appropriate to just say "mono" with the understanding that it means "monoamorous and monosexual."

I agree with this. "Mono" and "poly" are sufficient enough in a conversation where breaking it all down isn't relevant to the topic or needed.

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Yeccch, let's not. "Monoship" and "polyship" are almost as bad is "frubbly" and "wibbles."

Next you're going to tell me you have a problem with "wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff."

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by nycindie

And starship? Or "goodship lollipop?"

Yeccch, let's not. "Monoship" and "polyship" are almost as bad is "frubbly" and "wibbles."

Note to self: google first, then comment. Agreed. Frubbly and wibbles are...disturbing. Only slightly less disturbing than that video.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat

Next you're going to tell me you have a problem with "wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff."

LOL - what the hell is that? Is that actually a phrase I should know? I'm afraid to Google that one, hahaha.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat

Agreed. Frubbly and wibbles are...disturbing. Only slightly less disturbing than that video.

I know! I found that video disturbing, too, and I don't recall that I'd ever found it disturbing before. But all those men's hands on poor little Shirley Temple while she tried to keep her dress down - uck!

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by nycindie

LOL - what the hell is that? Is that actually a phrase I should know? I'm afraid to Google that one, hahaha.

Doctor Who reference...

Comes with a great video... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2rfTR1PJkk

[ThatGirlInGray]

Not exactly in the same boat, but for many years I agreed to a "no PiV or PiA sex with anyone else" boundary with MC. Lots of people on this forum would NOT have been okay with that agreement, but at the time it worked for me. Besides occasional idle curious thoughts, I didn't have any desire to. Then, when that desire changed significantly, we started discussing, and eventually a new agreement was reached. I think the key is not resenting the agreement or the person you made the agreement with. Resenting your agreement would probably lead to an unhealthy relationship, but as long as you're basically fine with it (beyond the occasional wonderings/longings that I think are perfectly normal) I see no reason why your choice should be seen as some sort of "half-hearted" commitment. It sounds like you've fully embraced this commitment, just like many partners make commitments to another to do something they wouldn't have chosen for themselves if they were on their own.