Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-13-2012, 01:42 AM
Artisan Artisan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
Default My Poly Dream has be realized. Best Friend and Hubby now dating.

I'd like to start off my first post with a little bit of an introduction and some information about myself.

I am a 32 yr old mother of 2 and I've been married to my husband for 8 years. We lead a very traditional life, church on Sundays, prayers at meal time etc. We run our own business out of our home, which is what I do for work, while my DH still works out of the home full time until our business can fully support our family. When I was 19 single and pregnant, I started researching communal living as a viable alternative to living alone, but realized that most communal places wouldn't want me along with a child, because I really wouldn't have much to bring to the community and would be a burden so I gave up on that dream. I met my husband when my son was 2 and we began a very traditional marriage. Every now and then I'd talk about communes and my dreams of living in a communal shared environment and he'd pretty much shoot me right down. A few years later we stared watching the show Big Love and that began our discussion of what it would be like to have a second wife, and while he seemed open to the idea on principal we didn't really ever move beyond the discussion stage. Over the years I'd express how much easier my life would be with another woman around and my husband knew that if the opportunity presented itself that I'd be willing to consider it very seriously.

I met my best friend in 9th grade and I've known her and been very close to her for 18 years. There were a few times like when she went off to college that we didn't talk much, but for the last 8 years or so we've been so close like sisters. I watched her go through broken relationship after broken relationship, and it broke my heart every time. I'd spend hours on the phone comforting her, lifting her spirits, just being a really great friend. And for her part, she's been there for me whenever I needed her, we were both present for the births of her son and my daughter and are like favorite Aunties to each of children. She is the one person I love most in this world except my husband. She's beautiful, giving, capable of love in a really deep and abiding way, often giving so much of herself that she has nothing left leaving herself open for the guys in her past to hurt her. She had her son 18 months ago and her relationship completely dissolved when her son was 6 months old and she moved back in with her mom. Since then she's been trying to rebuild, but miserable with being alone.

About a year ago my husband started expressing that he was sexually turned on by the idea of watching my have other lovers, swinging, etc. So we started playing with that idea in our intimate times, and eventually placed ads on various websites looking for other swinging couples. We dated a few times and it was fun, but it never really went anywhere, mostly for lack of interest. Personally I always felt that I would want a friendship before I could jump in the sack with someone, so while I was open to the idea, the idea of casual sex didn't really appeal to me. During this time I also realized that I was totally okay with the idea of my husband having sex with others, and more than that, it turned me on.

During this time of experimentation with the idea of swinging my best friend would come over to babysit so we could go on dates, and we came out to her that we were looking into the swinging lifestyle and she was in full support. She's always admired how good our relationship was and was happy that we were having more fun than ever before.

She didn't know it but for a long time my husband and I would fantasize about bring her into our bed. I loved the idea because she is very attractive and I would love for my husband to be pleasured by her and to give her pleasure. Every now and then he'd drop a little hint to her that he was interested in her, but ever so mild. I was always too embarrassed and shy to come right out and say anything, but I'd hint that I'd one day like another wife. She would always back off and send him signals that she was definitely not interested so we just backed off and stopped really saying anything. I figured we were making her uncomfortable and we didn't want to ruin our friendship.

Lately, we've been hinting around that we have extra bedrooms in our home, and a ton of work to do with our business and that if she wanted she could think about moving in and working for us, she was totally excited about that idea.

So last week we were hanging out just her and I, and she was wearing this black dress that shows off her amazingly beautiful cleavage, and I commented that my DH loved that dress on her. She was happy to hear me give that compliment and I could tell it didn't creep her out so I stuffed down my shyness and went a step further and just came out and told her that I was fully willing to share my husband with her. That I knew she was in desperate need of physical attention (she has a very high sex drive and had been going back to her ex for sex, which complicated their relationship. But had cut him off and had been without sex for a long time) and I was totally fine with them having a sexual relationship. We hang out almost every night as it is, and it felt totally natural to me that they'd take it a step further. She was surprised to hear me say this but I could tell from her body language that she wasn't creeped out or offended. More like she couldn't quite believe what I was saying. We had a lovely night together as usual and she went home. After she left I told my DH about the conversation I had with her. The next day I suggested they go for a drive and talk about it together.

Basically she expressed that she was potentially interested in the idea, but had concerns that I wasn't actually serious or that I would be hurt and jealous. She admitted that she had actually been sexually attracted to my DH but was never willing to put our friendship in jeopardy, and that when my DH would drop hints, she thought he was just being flirty and would never dream of taking him up on it. She didn't realize that I was the one encouraging my husband to flirt with her. I had another conversation with her the next day saying in more clear terms, that I wanted her in our family if she'd consider it, but that even if she just had sex with my husband to get her through this rough patch until she met a good guy that I'd be fine with that too, but that I genuinely wanted her in our family for good. She started crying for joy, telling me that it had been a secret wish of hers to be in our family, that she had wanted it for a long time but was more willing to stay silent so as not to ruin our friendship.

At this point I am on top of the world, a long time dream of mine is coming true and I could not be happier about it. So I arranged for my husband to have to be "Out of Town" for the night while her mother was away on business so that they could have alone time together. I was hoping they would be able to have some intimate moments or at least just time to talk alone and figure out their feelings. I was secretly hoping that they would have sex, but well... I wasn't in the position to force it..lol I just told her again that I was okay with it (she really did need me to tell her like a million times yes)

My husband came home from being with her and couldn't wait to share with me the details of their time together. It was a very emotional experience for the both of them, they made love together ( I do mean love not just sex) He was just so full of that after sex buzz, in addition to being with someone new for the first time in a decade, he was just full of happiness and joy. And for me just the thought of those two making love gave me so much happiness and excitement that I was literally shaking from the happiness. I mean over the years I've watched her go through bad relationships, but I would always be so genuinely happy for her when she started a new relationship, I'd be so hopeful for her, but a part of me would worry about how things would turn out. And I'd feel the pain of her breakups and THIS time I knew things would be different. My husband is such an honorable man, he is so respectful to me and would never do anything to break my trust. He's a wonderful dad and a hard worker. Sure he has his faults, nobody is perfect, but I'm so happy that I can share his wonderful nature with someone like my best friend who is capable of so much love, and she is so beautiful that she is like a jewel on his arm.

Things are moving very quickly, having been each others best friends for 8 years gives us a comfort level with each other like I've never had, but there is so much NRE that the love in the air is thick. Our kids, without even knowing about the new relationship have started asking when she will move in with us. They want her here too, she is like a second mama to them. We are waiting on my dad to move out in a week and then we'll set up a bedroom for her. She will need to move out of her mom's house gradually while we renovate some of our bathroom and a bedroom so her son can have his own room, but in the meantime once my dad leaves she will be sleeping at our home. Luckily we have a house that was once actually two houses and is now connected on the second floor with a hallway that has a locking door. I can set up a baby monitor so I can handle the kids at night so my BF and DH can sleep together undisturbed. We will come out to the kids (my 10 yr old first, the others can just figure it out they are 4 and 18 months) at a later date, but for now things are well on their way.

Last edited by Artisan; 10-13-2012 at 01:48 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-13-2012, 01:42 AM
Artisan Artisan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
Default

My BF and I still talk on the phone at least 4 hours a day, but now our conversations are about our future together. We are having so much fun planning things out together. Things like; she wants more children and so does my husband but after my last birth I wasn't really open for more kids, so the fact that they can have babies together is just so perfect. I can't wait to be a second mother to her and my husband's babies. Just the thought of watching her go through pregnancy and birth with his (and her) baby in her makes my heart explode from the happiness.

I feel like we are invincible right now, with her along we are going to have so much more success in our personal lives as well as our home business. She is a motivated go getter who is amazing at sales. So her and my husband will be able to go on the road together for little getaways so they can have special time. Things like that are just one example of the solutions that we have for a long time wondered about how to figure out, like who would be with our kids for those trips, and now we can switch off and there will always be 1 mama at home.

Tonight DH has taken BF out for a date, its their first official date and I'm so excited for them. She just called me from a lingerie store to ask my bra size because she wanted to get me a gift. How awesome is she! I hope that they have time after their movie to make love because I am so excited to watch their love grow. Sitting on the couch next to them while she snuggles close to him and they give each other that love look just feels amazing to me. Like a dream come true really.

I know we will have some hurdles, mainly coming out to family. Our families have known about our wonderful friendship for years but telling them that we've taken it too the next level will be a little bit of a scary thing to do. But I feel so positive about it, who can deny our love as a triad. When our families and friends will be around they will have no choice but to accept our love or stay out of our lives.

I can't wait for what comes next.

Thank you to anyone who made it this far into a sappy post. You rock
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-13-2012, 01:52 AM
SkylerSquirrel SkylerSquirrel is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 76
Default

I say bring on the sappy love stories. The world of poly needs them. We have to show people that they don't only happen in monogamous relationships!
__________________
Independent polyperson seeking friendships, in which physical intimacy may or may not develop.

I do not wish to attach to any particular person. My love knows no limits.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-13-2012, 02:06 AM
Artisan Artisan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylerSquirrel View Post
I say bring on the sappy love stories. The world of poly needs them. We have to show people that they don't only happen in monogamous relationships!
Thanks for your positive feedback


Also.. I noticed I got 2 stars for this thread... did I say something wrong? I'm totally new to this forum and even though I read through the etiquette threads I'm worried I goofed somewhere and offended someone.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-13-2012, 04:04 AM
SkylerSquirrel SkylerSquirrel is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 76
Default

Maybe someone accidentally clicked it? Could even have been me, my laptop is wonky sometimes. I just five-starred you to bring up your rating.
__________________
Independent polyperson seeking friendships, in which physical intimacy may or may not develop.

I do not wish to attach to any particular person. My love knows no limits.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-13-2012, 06:09 AM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 603
Default

Don't mind the stars, most people who are reading don't even know that there is something like a rating method and some just have strange ideas of what should be written on here (I got PM's telling me to not be so positive as it was fuelling false expectations *shrug*)

I have to say, I love reading about good realtionships in which everyone is happy and gets the utmost positive outcome for him/herself out of it. I can relate to the three of you, some things you mentioned happened or were discussed at our home as well (just that our configuration is the other way round )

Keep on posting, wishing you luck on your way.
__________________
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-13-2012, 03:01 PM
Artisan Artisan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SkylerSquirrel View Post
Maybe someone accidentally clicked it? Could even have been me, my laptop is wonky sometimes. I just five-starred you to bring up your rating.
Thanks

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Don't mind the stars, most people who are reading don't even know that there is something like a rating method and some just have strange ideas of what should be written on here (I got PM's telling me to not be so positive as it was fuelling false expectations *shrug*)

I have to say, I love reading about good realtionships in which everyone is happy and gets the utmost positive outcome for him/herself out of it. I can relate to the three of you, some things you mentioned happened or were discussed at our home as well (just that our configuration is the other way round )

Keep on posting, wishing you luck on your way.
I really appreciate it. I was worried that I said something out of line. Thank you for your kind words.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-13-2012, 03:16 PM
Artisan Artisan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
Default

After DH got home last night from his date with BF we had some time to hang out and chat. I called BF and we laughed that now when we did post date analysis I had the other side of the story too, and how much fun that was..lol

She brought up some concerns that had been bothering her. Mostly having to do with an activity my husband and I do in the evenings after the kids are in bed. (ahem... smoking weed) She was worried that if she joined us she could face legal trouble and her ex could use it to take her son away. I could tell it had been bothering her. What I said was that, I could do my best to rest her anxiety about it, and tell her about the safety practices we have in place to prevent any trouble, but that if at the end of the day she wasn't comfortable with it we would end it immediately. That having her in our lives was more important than any "hobby". She couldn't believe that I (we) would be so willing to adjust behaviors, and was incredibly touched that we are placing her comfort over ours. It felt really good to be able to communicate and end any misunderstandings before they begin. It gives me a lot of hope for our future. She's coming over today and I can't wait to spend the day with her and her son. I only wish my dad's move out date was sooner, as it really puts a damper on our evenings together.

As I've been exploring my feelings about this whole situation, I question how I can feel so much love for her without sexual relations being involved. I love her with the same passion and intensity at which I love my husband, and I just don't understand where its coming from. My whole life I didn't imagine that such and intense feeling could exist without physical intimacy. But its almost like we share the same consciousness at times, our souls have been bonded as friends for a really long time, and all these new feelings.... I just wonder at them. I can't quite put it into words how incredible it all is.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-13-2012, 05:08 PM
Sinensis Sinensis is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 13
Default

Wow. This is amazing. I don't have a whole lot more to say than that. I just hope this wonderfulness keeps going!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-15-2012, 12:09 PM
Artisan Artisan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 8
Default

Thank you Sin


We all spent the the night before last and all of yesterday together. She went with DH to buy a baby monitor and blender for our house, brought her pack n play over so her son could have somewhere to sleep. We determined that we wouldn't want to be moving him once he was asleep so she decided to spend the night. I tried talking her out of sleeping on the couch but the only other alternative was to sleep in our bedroom with us, and with my dad still being here.... that could get pretty awkward. She ended up not getting any sleep. So as soon as we finished breakfast I sent her to bed for a long nap. We won't be doing sleep overs again until my dad leaves 1 week from today. Then we spent the rest of the day just being a normal family. We carved pumpkins, did some organizing and cleaning, hung out, ate meals, etc. It really feels nice doing typical family things with her included. Also I had fun being an awesome "Wingman" by arranging times for them to "sneak" off with each other and have some quality sexy time. Another benefit to this new life is having 1 adult around to keep the kids occupied. lol
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:18 AM.