Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 06-16-2010, 10:31 PM
Mohegan's Avatar
Mohegan Mohegan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 756
Default

I'd also suggest searching KinkAware. I don't remember the actual site address, but I friend told me about it. It is a grouping of professional (Drs therepists lawyers) that are aware of alternative lifestyles.

I don't have insurance so I dont get to choose my therepist. I get whoever the state assigns me to, and I tend to spend more time educating them then getting help. But some have been really helpful, once they understood.

Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-16-2010, 11:56 PM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 145
Default

It took some effort, but I was able to find a psychologist that was familiar and supportive of poly stuff.

When I was searching, I tended to avoid any overly 'Christian' focused therapists. Ones that addressed sexuality, relationships, gay & lesbian issues, seemed the most promising when I was searching. I didn't contact every single therapist in Edmonton, but the one I found was the only one that responded back to me that we was able to appreciate a poly dynamic.

So far, he has been an incredible resource as he views poly relationships as the requiring the same effort as any relationship. We talk alot about what the successes and challenges are. My main motivation for seeing him was helping me deal with the intolerance my family has been demonstrating - which happens to have gotten worse since coming out as poly.

If anyone in the Edmonton area would like his name and contact info, I would be more than happy to pass it along. Just send me a message.
__________________
"There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." - Ray Bradbury
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-17-2010, 02:22 PM
joyfulgirl26 joyfulgirl26 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 36
Default

Mohegan: i checked kinkaware, actually. that's where i got the idea to look for LGBT friendly therapists. unfortunately, there was only 1 active therapist for indianapolis listed on there. there were some in other areas, some lawyers, and one promising looking therapist who has since moved to arizona. bleh. maybe i will follow up w/the other therapist i found on there, but she does list that she can/will introduce christian aspects into the counseling...and that brings me to booklady's point, which is that i also try to avoid christian focused counseling, both because they tend to be less "alternative" friendly and because my husband and i are both atheist. neither of us have had good experiences w/therapy in the past for just that reason: our therapists encouraged a religious approach to issues, which (obviously) doesn't sit too well with us.

but you know, this is my marriage, so i'm committed to finding SOMETHING that will work! so if i have to keep looking, i will!

thanks again to everyone for the suggestions and support. <3
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-17-2010, 03:05 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joyfulgirl26 View Post
...it seems like she gets poly as a philosophy and thinks it can work.

... is just so foreign to her, she can't even really grasp why i feel the way i do.

... why i feel like i really CAN love my husband and my boyfriend in different but equal ways without detracting from my marriage.
She doesn't get poly at all, then. The essence of poly is loving multiple people more or less equally in different ways. If she can't understand that fundamental concept, she has no business dealing with poly folk.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-17-2010, 03:29 PM
joyfulgirl26 joyfulgirl26 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 36
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
She doesn't get poly at all, then. The essence of poly is loving multiple people more or less equally in different ways. If she can't understand that fundamental concept, she has no business dealing with poly folk.
bleh. i am starting to worry that you are right. i wanted to think that she "got it", but the more i play over our session in her mind, i think about some things that really rubbed me the wrong way.

"only one person can really trigger your reward center at a time. it's just how our brain chemistry works."

"well science shows that you really only attach to one person at a time. and you're clearly more attached to your boyfriend right now."

etc. i don't disagree that these statements might apply to the shiny-NRE phase or certain aspects of a relationship like intellectual connection or kink connection or spiritual connection. but honestly, once a relationship moves past NRE and settles into "normal" mode, i don't feel like these statements apply to me AT ALL. being scientific, as i am, i didn't try to argue w/her assertions of scientific fact. it's just hard for me to believe that these blanket statements are always true for all people, because my direct experience is...well, way different.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-17-2010, 04:37 PM
vandalin's Avatar
vandalin vandalin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 520
Default

I suppose my husband and I lucked out.

We had been thinking of seeing a counselor/therapist for a while even before the poly stuff came up but just hadn't really gotten around to it. We ended up going to see a Sex Therapist through our health clinic and she is awesome. Which makes me ask, have you looked into Sex Therapist as well as Marriage Counselors? In my mind a Sex Therapist would generally be more open to alternate lifestyles.

Good luck, and I hope you find someone soon.
__________________
Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
than to wander all the roads and paths set before you.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-17-2010, 10:13 PM
Honestheart's Avatar
Honestheart Honestheart is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 91
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joyfulgirl26 View Post

"only one person can really trigger your reward center at a time. it's just how our brain chemistry works."

"well science shows that you really only attach to one person at a time. and you're clearly more attached to your boyfriend right now."
these all sound like VERY un-open and one sided views...
i'm still a fan of giving a few sessions to see if maybe things change BUT sounds like...shes very one sided and has her mind already made up.

science? science? you're joking right? WTF DOES THAT MEAN? i'm sorry but last time i checked, the same hormones and various other chemicals that are present in attachment and "love" are not "one person specific"... but, things may have changed since i last checked...so i apologize if i am mistaken. as for "reward centers" last time i checked, rewards are individual specific. what works for me doesn't ness work for you because it may not be something that you find makes you happy or whatever it is she is trying to say...
i hope she realizes that "science" a while back said that in both nature and humanity sexual attraction occurred only in male- toto female or female to male and never two of the same gender...
__________________
"...Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." ~St Augustine

Last edited by Honestheart; 06-17-2010 at 10:19 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-18-2010, 01:34 PM
joyfulgirl26 joyfulgirl26 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 36
Default

i actually found a really interesting and well researched article on the subject. the scientist in me wouldn't let go of her assertions till i got some proof, and most studies are monogamy-based.

http://www.examiner.com/x-17712-Clev...otic-diversity

i am still digging around too! but tempted to take that to my next session (assuming we have one...i am still living in limbo...ugh).
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-18-2010, 11:46 PM
Honestheart's Avatar
Honestheart Honestheart is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 91
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joyfulgirl26 View Post
i am still digging around too! but tempted to take that to my next session (assuming we have one...i am still living in limbo...ugh).
Digging around sounds awesome to me! fight fire with fire! :-) i'm sure you can find some scientific theory to support your end...
i'm sure you'll find the right therapist for BOTH of you eventually.... maybe if you get to her lebvel tho, you might be able to get some common ground. you can disagree, i just don;'t liek that she seems to be so prejudiced.
good luck to you!!!!
__________________
"...Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident." ~St Augustine
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-19-2010, 11:07 AM
nicraq nicraq is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: ireland
Posts: 17
Default

Hi Joyful...
A thought from my perspective both as a therapist and someone who has had difficult experiences (as a client) in couple therapy.
I'm not sure trusting your 'instincts' is always reliable-if someone is challenging a defense in you it's quite natural for your 'instinct' to lead you to 'safety' away from that challenge. If both of you like the therapist and feel she basically gets you (most of the time) then I'd suggest you stay with the process. If you feel not listened to/understood then say so and be willing to stay with that process for that is the heart of most relationship problems.
Couple therapy is often really tough and you can expect to feel sided against at times almost inevitably, it's staying in touch with each other in getting back from that separation that matters, Hey good luck and well done to both you and your husband!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:29 AM.