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  #1  
Old 02-10-2011, 04:38 AM
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Setxfamily Setxfamily is offline
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Cool Random clean jokes to make you smile.

Children Are Quick


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!
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  #2  
Old 04-11-2012, 12:47 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Default Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."
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The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #3  
Old 04-11-2012, 04:37 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Default

I don't think that's 'clean', nycindie.

but, since you've gone there...


What's invisible and smells like carrots?


Bunny farts!

/\\=//\-"""-.
/ /6 6\ \ \
=\_Y_/= (_ ;{}
/^//_/-/__/ jgs
"" "" """
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #4  
Old 05-01-2012, 06:58 PM
Nudibranch Nudibranch is offline
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Default

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, "Lady, I swear, but that is the ugliest baby that I've ever seen."

Shocked by his statement the woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down. The man in the seat next to her sees that she is fuming mad and ask her what is wrong.

She says, infuriated, "That driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "Well, ma'am, you don't have to take that! You go right up there and tell him off! Go on. I'll hold your monkey for you."
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  #5  
Old 05-01-2012, 07:16 PM
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Setxfamily Setxfamily is offline
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What A Kiss Tastes Like

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked "Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's what your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"
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  #6  
Old 05-01-2012, 08:21 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nudibranch View Post
"...Go on. I'll hold your monkey for you."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Setxfamily View Post
Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"
Both these punchlines made me laugh out loud. Harharhar!!!!
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The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #7  
Old 10-25-2012, 09:28 AM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Default hmmmmm

http://notinventedhe.re/on/2009-10-20

Mainly this is a comic about programmers and geeks... but here's an interesting perspective on a maybe poly... maybe swing.. maybe innocent relationship....)
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