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  #11  
Old 10-18-2012, 04:20 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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He didn't tell me about this until about 2 weeks into our planning on my moving there. Then he suddenly springs it on me and presents it as something I will accept or will not be allowed to come. This hurt me more than I can express.
So he hurts you really BAD. And you still plan to go there looking for MORE?

You plan a big life change and he is not supportive or responsive and he minimizes your worries.

He informed you 2 weeks before the move that BTW, there's another live in.

And you still want to go? This is thoughtful, considerate behavior HOW?

I would listen to your GUT. You DO have something to worry about here.

Be careful there. I wouldn't even move out there. Ugh. I wouldn't want to date him any more.

But if there you still choose to go? Sounds better to plan a move into your OWN apartment and continue to date him out in TX. Then if bad happens with sleepovers, you ALREADY have a place of your own and do not have to risk being thrown out homeless!

GG
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  #12  
Old 10-18-2012, 04:36 AM
cherilips cherilips is offline
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Thank you. I absolutely do have a Plan B. I own my own (paid for) home in Oklahoma and will be keeping it. I also have a very good job to go to in TX. I've lived alone for 20 years and so have no problem with that if I have to go back on my own after living with him. No, he isn't able/willing to give me what I need, but I've been taking care of myself a long time. So, I really don't have anything to lose. And maybe there's something there for me. I'll always "wonder" if I don't go see. Until he presented me with this ... I hadn't even given it any real thought. So, I've come to this forum to see how people manage it. I did spend 4 days with him and just got back last night. Over those 4 days he spent one night over at her apt and then also one afternoon and I will say, I was really not upset by it. I was actually surprised at how it didn't bother me. Weird. LOL
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  #13  
Old 10-18-2012, 05:20 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Oh, good. You have a plan B.

Def be keeping THAT!

GG
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  #14  
Old 10-18-2012, 05:22 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I am wondering - is he living with his other girlfriend now How is she feeling about all this anyway? I think at the very least in your position I'd try to open a dialogue with her before moving, if she hates you or is excited to meet you, well that's info I'd want to know before showing up. I'd want to know if he'd actually kept her informed or if he'd minimized your existence to her too.

Either way I wish you luck.
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  #15  
Old 10-18-2012, 09:43 PM
cherilips cherilips is offline
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She is not living with him. They have lived together in the past but it didn't work for them. She and I have talked and do have a mutual respect for one another. I've also met her although I've not spent much time with her, I felt very comfortable being around her. I'm not sure what he's told her about me up 'til the point when I decided to move in. I presume there wasn't much said, although she knew of my existence in his life and that we visited eachother. It was actually she who suggested that we try this. And it's something he's always told me was the type of lifestyle he'd feel most comfortable and open in. It's just that we never really talked seriously about it. Probably because we hadn't been able to really put things together between the two of us up 'til now. So, obviously, it's now become very important to really put all this out on the table.
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  #16  
Old 10-19-2012, 12:02 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Very good to hear that you two have met and get along, relocating is stressful enough!
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  #17  
Old 10-19-2012, 08:45 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I'd be a bit curious about the reasons why his other live-ins did not work out, especially in those cases where the relationships are ongoing. It might be useful to speak with her and find out why she chose to move out (if it was her choice.) Oh, there are plenty of good reasons why people can't live together. But personally, I would just want to make sure I knew what they were, to make sure they're good reasons. If "she was too jealous so I asked her to leave" is on the list, I would stop packing my boxes.
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