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  #11  
Old 06-17-2010, 11:43 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I tend to agree with what GS just posted... Throughout your time on this forum I've had the sense from your posts that that P has you there to boost his ego, and to feel as though if he can't pick up anything newer or more interesting, you'll be there at the end to go home with.

If it was working out for you the same way as it is working out for him, I would think that this is a mutually acceptable arrangement, but it's obvious that you do not get the same thrill out of this routine as he does. It doesn't sound from your stories like he wants to change, especially since things have been going the way he prefers them to for all this time. He sounds like one of "those" guys who says "This is the way I am. If you want to be with me, you have to accept me for who I am," which is euphemism for "I'm gonna do what I feel like doing and if you don't like it you don't have to watch."
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  #12  
Old 06-18-2010, 02:19 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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WB Glow! I think I remember you from when I just started posting here, saw your signature tag and thought "hey cool, haven't seen her in a while!" ... now I know why, busy with a new relationship! mrrow!!

I've felt exactly the same way. My husband (then-boyfriend) and I used to go to fetish events. He would get into the dungeon, and he was pretty much a revolving door of playtime. The first time, I got really pissed off. I wanted him to come find me in between playmates, spend a couple minutes with me, before running off again. I felt that was a fair request.

The "pairing" thing that GS spoke of sounds dead-on. I would see him with someone, and would try to keep myself busy until he was done. But then when I would go back to see if he was done, there was another girl with him! So he had finished with one person, and then got started with someone else. Seemed like the only way I could get my time in was by sitting there waiting for them, but then I felt like a lonely puppy hanging off him. Seemed like the only alternative was to avoid him the whole night, and then I wondered why we were there "together" in the first place.

His excuse was that as soon as he was finished with one girl, there was already another one standing there asking him if they could play. I said, well that's all fine and good, but if they want you that bad, they'll gladly wait 5 minutes when you say "Sure, I'd love to play with you, but I just have to go find my girlfriend, then I'll be back".

Eventually, I realized that there wasn't really anything for me at those events. I enjoy the voyeuristic aspect, but only for a while and then I get bored. Other than that, it's just like going to a loud party where everyone is half-naked with a lot of leather and steel. So I told him, I don't mind at all if you want to go to those parties and play with as many girls as you want. I just don't feel like being there.

Then he felt guilty about going without me and stopped going, which was not my intention. I've tried to encourage him to go, but he keeps saying it would feel weird to be there without me. I tell him, well it feels weird for me to be there WITH you, so it's a no-win.

Then we moved to Saskatchewan, which completely eliminated that issue -- no fetish parties to attend/avoid :/
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  #13  
Old 06-18-2010, 12:10 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
WB Glow! I think I remember you from when I just started posting here, saw your signature tag and thought "hey cool, haven't seen her in a while!" ... now I know why, busy with a new relationship! mrrow!!
I think this is still the same relationship. Glow just joined last November, and it says she's been with P for 7 or 8 months.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-18-2010 at 12:13 PM.
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  #14  
Old 09-20-2010, 02:47 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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I don't have much advice except for suggesting to openly communicate about your feelings. I didn't want to reveal insecurity, and would hold things like this in. I still do once in a while. It was not wise. I ended up making mistakes.

You are not alone. I also have mild social anxiety. Also, I'm poly, but the woman that I'm dating is my only partner. Social outings with larger groups or large parties are the worst for me, unless it is our date night. Then, I feel that it is OK for me to spend most of my time with her at the party. If it is not my date night with her I have a hard time feeling comfortable and at ease in the setting.
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  #15  
Old 09-26-2010, 12:27 AM
glowinthedarkstars glowinthedarkstars is offline
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Hey everyone lurking, but have time to sit down and post again. P and I are doing well. I have actually developed new significant relationships with others and it makes parties easier actually when i have a buddy or a date to go with (even if im "going to" the party w P). your advice has been so helpful. P and I had our 1 year annerversary a couple of weeks ago. He is proud of himself as am I
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  #16  
Old 09-27-2010, 05:06 AM
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Originally Posted by glowinthedarkstars View Post
Hey everyone lurking, but have time to sit down and post again. P and I are doing well. I have actually developed new significant relationships with others and it makes parties easier actually when i have a buddy or a date to go with (even if im "going to" the party w P). your advice has been so helpful. P and I had our 1 year annerversary a couple of weeks ago. He is proud of himself as am I
That's awesome news. Thanks for catching us up!
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  #17  
Old 10-01-2010, 12:29 AM
Fayerweather Fayerweather is offline
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Wow! It's nice to hear someone talk about these issues. I don't have exactly the same situation going. My boyfriend isn't really a flirt and when we hang out socially with his other girlfriend, she doesn't like PDA. what I do connect with is that flash of jealousy I feel when they look at each other a certain way and it makes me all of a sudden feel completely alone even though I'm out with people.

Mostly I think it stems from my own social anxiety. I used to drink pretty heavily and was always the loud, social party girl, then I quit drinking two years ago, and all of a sudden, I'm a socially anxious wall flower? what gives. Just wanted to say that I feel your pain and also the urge to immediately find someone to connect with when my man is more connected with his other girl or with people in general
I also wanted to thank RedPepper for pointing out that these anxieties are usually just needs in myself that haven't been met or that I haven't been giving enough attention to. Amen to that!
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  #18  
Old 10-04-2010, 02:29 PM
glowinthedarkstars glowinthedarkstars is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fayerweather View Post
wanted to thank redpepper for pointing out that these anxieties are usually just needs in myself that haven't been met or that I haven't been giving enough attention to. Amen to that!
Agreed, thanks redpepper. I realize as well a lot of these things are my personal needs. I can totally relate to what you are going through fayerweather.
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