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Old 10-02-2012, 12:40 PM
needlesslyweasel needlesslyweasel is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Default Very new 'Young Poly' seeks advice

First off, hi!
Secondly, let me start off by saying that by "very new poly" i mean that I started my first ever relationship in January with my (asexual) Sweetie. In June, I told zem I was poly, and zey agreed to open the relationship up.

Now (or rather a couple of weeks ago) I met a Cute Couple my age and, um, fell pretty hard for them. However, they're probably mono, and I've no idea whether Ms. CC is bi... Additionally, I see Mr. CC more often and we are fast becoming friends, but I don't get to see Ms. CC nearly as much. I really like both of them, though! Sweetie is wonderfully supportive, but zey're also rather forward. Zey said I should just bite the bullet and ask him or both of them next time we meet. I'm not sure this is the best way to do it, though. I wouldn't really know, however, since as I mentioned Sweetie's been my first relationship...

Should I ask Mr. CC out and request he bring his lady? Do I go to her first? Wait until I can address them both? Forget about the whole thing and push down my feelings for the both of them since they're not poly-community? I really don't know where to go from here.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Old 10-02-2012, 02:09 PM
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Anek Anek is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 45

Hi needlessy, and welcome!

In my very limited experience I'd say that rather than asking one or the other out straightaway without knowing if they are open or not, you might want to first test the waters on what their take is on poly in general. Starting with a generic conversation, not necessarily coming out yourself.
Based on their reaction, you will be better abe to decide if / how to approach them for a date.

Good luck!
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Old 10-03-2012, 12:42 AM
needlesslyweasel needlesslyweasel is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2

Thank you, Anek!
That sounds like a pretty good idea, although I may or may not have accidentally outed myself as poly already (oops...). It depends how Mr. CC took what I said, I think? Either way I suppose easing into it is likely the best course of action.

Thanks again,
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:02 PM
Xtin Xtin is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 9

Hi Needlessly,
My 2 cents: Based on personal experience, if the couple appears to be mono, it is best to approach the woman or wife , Ms. CC, first. Make friends and feel the waters. In that way, you save face and avoid the unnecessary negative labels. Men are, by nature, more aggressive and Mr. CC might just jump in, without the poly setup you are desiring (and will end up cheating the lady partner or wify.) IMO though im not one of the more experienced posters here.

Last edited by Xtin; 10-08-2012 at 10:42 PM.
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:22 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

Even though you've let it slip, I don't think it would hurt to ask them what they think about polyamory in general. If they react favourably, then let them know explicitly that you are polyamorous. In the process, it will undoubtedly come out whether they are poly or mono. There's also the possibility that they've never really thought about it, and are just following mono rules by convention.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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