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Old 06-11-2010, 07:54 PM
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River River is offline
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Originally Posted by CharlotteCorday View Post
I cannot make a decision about finishing the relationship right now (he's caring, loving and very supportive in other critical areas of my life), I must regain balance first.
Your options may not be limited to leaving vs staying, in simplistic terms. You could insist that he get real with himself ... and with you. But can you trust him to be honest after all that? My instinct says he's lacking in maturity and honesty and you'd probably be better off moving on. Anyway, now the elephant is clearly standing right there in the living room and you can't pretend it ain't. It's a fire under your butt. There's no turning away.
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Old 06-21-2010, 06:27 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by CharlotteCorday View Post
We agreed from the beginning that we don't believe in sexual exclusivity nor monogamy; the problem was that I assumed that he will tell me about any new relationship that could appear on our lives, and G. assumed that our policy will be "don't ask, don't tell" and any other relationship will be treated as a secret.
Now that we've got the safe-sex discussion covered, I think we should address this issue.

Now that this has happened and you've learned you're not comfortable with a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship, have you taken any steps to rectify this miscommunication?

It would be good to sit down together and talk about the things you want and expect out of an open relationship. He doesn't sound like a jerk, just naive. It sounds like you guys didn't clarify what you wanted, so as far as he knew, he was doing right by you.

You may or may not want details about the other women he sees, but it seems clear to me that you want to at least know they exist and what their basic situation is. It could be helpful to tell him to err on the side of too much information, and then you can tell him when you know enough. LoL, it's easier to cover your ears and sing "la la la" than it is to read his mind
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 07-01-2010, 08:39 PM
CharlotteCorday CharlotteCorday is offline
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Default What happened at the end...

Hi! I've been away for some time and wasn't able to check the forum until now.

SchrodingersCat: Yes, we have seated and discussed everything. We now are clear on our rules and how many information to share.

Also, I decided to ask him to finish the affair, and he accepted without hesitation. He understood that honesty is required in order to be really "open" and free.

We both feel relieved and much more close to each other now.

Thanks again for all the feedback!
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Old 07-01-2010, 11:27 PM
dancingalone dancingalone is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wilds of Wyoming
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First and foremost, you have the right to NOT be exposed to an STD, or be at risk of it. You have the right to act to protect your own health, that's part of what condoms are for. So for starters, ask him to use condoms when he is with you, because you no longer know where he has been. As for asking him to use them with the other woman, I would, just for his own health. If the lady is cheating on her husband with him, is she also cheating on both him AND her husband with someone else? I know that trust is a major part of being poly, but would think that so is common sense. Protect yourself, and then take it from there.
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affair, cheating, honesty, safe sex

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