Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 10-01-2012, 01:13 PM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 597
Default

I tend to be the odd one out on the lower scale when this question is raised. And people are astonished to hear how few there have been in my life. I just say "Well, that's all I needed, I was always satisfied and didn't miss a thing up to now." and that settles it. I don't care honestly as long as they aren't involved with me intimately, but a really high number would put a questionmark on my face. Maybe because my own needs have been so different from those who seem to collect partners in a way and I can't even remotely imagine how one can have over 80 or 100 partners at my age as I don't even need my second hand to count my score ^.^

But I guess, if I take the frequency I have had in my relationships up to now and put that into a number with random partners, well sure, it is possible to reach the higher numbers. Wouldn't have had the energy for that. Each time getting to know new people and create those situations ... I am too lazy for it (And never really had the opportunity, as I have always been in some kind of monogamous relationship till last year )
__________________
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-01-2012, 01:35 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 6,754
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Maybe because my own needs have been so different from those who seem to collect partners in a way and I can't even remotely imagine how one can have over 80 or 100 partners at my age as I don't even need my second hand to count my score ^.^
Well, I never looked at it like I was "collecting partners," but I recall back in the mid-'90s trying to count all the men I'd been with since I first started having sex, and it was impossible because it was definitely over 100 and a lot of it was hard to remember. I guess I just started young (14), and that was the 1970s after all - sex was just part of getting to know someone and I have always been the type to start with sex first before developing a relationship. So, by 1995, I was 35, which is over 20 years of having sex as a single person. I mean, it isn't that difficult to fathom if you have several short-term relationships per year and a period or two of going to bars and having one-night stands in between. That could easily be 10 sex partners per year, so over 20 years could be 200. But in my younger years, I had mostly long-term relationships, so maybe it wasn't quite that high - but there were also years where I had more one-night stands than ongoing relationships, and then a year here and there with no sex at all, so who knows. Really, I don't care about this stuff, so I never kept track and, after a certain age, I have found that people stop asking this question (LOL). Then I was monogamous with my husband for over ten years, and since my separation in middle of 2010 I have had sex with... let's see... seven guys so far (but I feel like I'm forgetting one).

To the OP, I probably would've won the whore award at that party, but I wish they would have called it the Slut Award. I have a sensitivity to the word "whore," but don't mind "slut" as much.
__________________
Hot chick in the city.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me.
~Bryan Ferry

Last edited by nycindie; 10-01-2012 at 01:42 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-01-2012, 02:51 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 367
Default

I'm probably in the same boat as nycindie with winning the award. I'm not proud of my past but after some sexual assualts I coped poorly by sleeping with someone new almost daily for about 5 or 6 months trying to fill like I took my own sexual power back.

If I ignore those aspects all of my sexual partners have either been in relationships or FWB situations.

As far as romantic partners I feel saturated. I don't want or desire any others because not do I have three relationships between 4 people, I'm still working on fostering a reconnect between my metamour and I because before things exploded between us that was on it's way to being a fairly healthy relationship as well. also my current sexual partners only involve my romantic partners.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 10-01-2012, 03:32 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,345
Default

I too like "slut" better than "whore", mostly because of the money issue. I feel "whore" is more sex-negative because it implies that you didn't have the sex because you wanted to, but to get something out of it. I might be reading too much into it.
Both can definitely be used to objectify and insult, which isn't cool.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 10-01-2012, 06:18 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552
Default

My number is different depending on what the person asking the questions means by "sex". It can be quite low, if we're only talking PiV/PiA sex, or well into the double digits if the question includes other activities.

I wish that getting something for having sex didn't have the negative feel to it. People get paid to do a lot of things- teach, clean, cook, build...why is it so bad to get paid to have sex? Manipulation to get sex or to get payment would be bad, but a business transaction of buying/selling a service? How is that so different from paying my massage therapist? I actually prefer "whore" over "slut", in general, because to me "slut" implies that one is not using any sort of criteria to select partners, but just screwing anyone possible.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 10-01-2012, 06:37 PM
HopeLessRomantic HopeLessRomantic is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: chicago, il
Posts: 2
Default

i think number only matters if ur the type to sleep with alot of strangers & without protection, then naturally it matters for obvious reasons. but how many ppl are honestly going to admit they have gone in the raw more usual than not?
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 10-01-2012, 09:02 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,345
Default

As a job, I don't have anything against prostitution. My problem with the idea that a woman who has a lot of sex is a whore is that I think it's pretty sexist. It seems to imply that a woman cannot possibly enjoy sex for sex's sake, that she's doing it only for the pleasure of her partners, and that what she gets out of it HAS to be money, because it can't possibly be sexual pleasure. I find that attitude very sex negative.
At least a slut is someone who has sex because she wants to, even if it's apparently a bad thing to have sexual appetite when you're female. That's why I think it's preferable.

I know that in reality, someone who has sex for money can very well be doing it because they want to, have made the decision to, etc, and that it can be very sex positive and healthy, and that as you said it's a service like any other. That's not my problem. My problem is the implication that if you are female and had more than X partner, then obviously you weren't having sex with them for the sex or out of love, but because you wanted to manipulate them with sex to get something else that you wanted.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 10-01-2012, 10:30 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

For me, it's not about the quantity but the quality.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 10-01-2012, 10:32 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 4,808
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
My number is different depending on what the person asking the questions means by "sex". It can be quite low, if we're only talking PiV/PiA sex, or well into the double digits if the question includes other activities.
LOL! That messes up the whole process.
My sister and I tried to figure this one out when we were in our early 20's and gave up. We simply couldn't decide what counted and what didn't!

I mean seriously, where exactly is the line of what is or isn't sex?

I always assume in the numbers game that they are talking about intercourse. But, who the heck knows these days. :P
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 10-01-2012, 11:40 PM
Silhouette's Avatar
Silhouette Silhouette is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Omaha, NE
Posts: 31
Default

There is no number that is too high or too low really. That's a personal thing that no one can answer. Though, when my too many comes into play for me is when you have sex with people you don't care about. My body I feel is my temple and I want to share it with those I have/do love/d. I feel I would cheat myself otherwise.

Of course, I know some don't see it that way either. This is just my personal thought on the matter.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:25 AM.