Rules of Engagement game changers

[gomugirl1656]

Ok it's inevitable that change occur in relationships. Our Vee has changed slowly over time. Each new negotiation makes for new experience and perfection of what works for us. What I want to know is, what boundaries or "rules" have changed for you over time? What has stayed the same?

Example: In the beginning we had a very constricting policy of no casual sex without text permission or a phone call before hand. Now that has changed to no permissions required as long as there is condom use. I think it changed because I wasn't as trusting as I am now and because my insecurity gave me the sense that I needed to control their behavior. Control was no longer serving the relationship.

How bout you? Anything change that you seemed very firm on at first? What was it and why or how did it change?

[ThatGirlInGray]

MC and I have been together for almost 15 years, as we've definitely changed the "rules" many times. We started in college with just make-out sessions and only if the other wasn't there (studying, at work, out of town, whatever). It wasn't until this year that he became comfortable enough with the idea of me having PiV sex with TGIB to change that rule, and there have been tons of baby step changes along the way.

A few things that stand out to me as things that have stayed the same are, we've always been honest with each other about what we wanted and what we weren't comfortable with, even when those two things didn't line up, we've always been willing to listen, consider, and give things time, and we've always been willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt and forgive when, in our human-ness, a boundary was at least pushed, and once in a while even stepped over a little. We both have the ability to say, "I understand why that happened but I don't like it. I don't think you were trying to hurt me on purpose, but please make an extra effort from now on not to let it happen again." Those things now extend to my relationship with TGIB as well. There haven't been nearly as many rule changes with TGIB, but it's only been a year and at the moment he's not dating anyone besides me, so there haven't been many negotiations necessary (yet).