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  #1  
Old 06-18-2014, 01:36 PM
CathexesInc CathexesInc is offline
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Default Central Arkansas Couple

Greetings.

Time has slow-motion enforced a diaspora upon those I am closest to, and I find myself somewhat lonely these days.

I am a stay at home father of two daughters, one five, one two. My wife is a therapist. We have been together over twelve years. We are a bisexual, poly couple, but haven't been sexual with a third for about a decade.

Looking for friends and/or lovers, or like-minded parents even for playdates w/ the kids. I don't find many in this state I choose to spend my time with or expose to my children. My wife and I are 33 years old. We do unfortunately have genital herpes, just to get that out there right off. Neither have had a symptom or outbreak in many years, 7+.

We are gamers (particularly interested in tabletop D&D), intelligent, graduate-school educated. I'm passionate about history, politics, international relations, writing, and science (particularly astrophysics). She is passionate about mental health and crafts. We're sort of the geek/nerd type but break most of the stereotypes for gaming geeks. We are both agnostics who lean atheist.

Sexually I am extremely versatile with a wide, deep skill set. She tends to be submissive and is into bondage.

Body type, gender are of little to no consequence to us sexually, though for myself I do tend to prefer feminine/sub types regardless of gender. Transgender is fine with us as well. I'm more experienced in homosexual endeavors than my wife is, but have still only had a few. I suppose it's fair to say we are really picky about our friends and picky damn near to the point of monogamy about our lovers.

Well met and cheers.
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  #2  
Old 06-18-2014, 03:20 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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A few notes to help your ad, from the perspective of a unicorn

Quote:
Originally Posted by CathexesInc View Post
We have been together over twelve years.
I do not care how long you've been together. In fact, it is likely to put me off (We've been together longer than you and he have! Hah.) Just tell me you have a stable, but open relationship that has the flexibility to grow into anything I desire with you, her, or both of you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CathexesInc View Post
We are a bisexual, poly couple, but haven't been sexual with a third for about a decade.
Most unicorns, if you want someone exclusive to you, do not want to be someone's "third." They want to be one of three people in a relationship; not the extra add-on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CathexesInc View Post
I suppose it's fair to say we are really picky about our friends and picky damn near to the point of monogamy about our lovers.
Those kinds of statements just make you sound like a pretentious ass. It's unnecessary, people expect you to select them because they're special, and makes it sound like you think you're better than other people because YOU choose people selectively and OTHER people just take whoever.

The rest is good.
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  #3  
Old 06-18-2014, 03:48 PM
CathexesInc CathexesInc is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
A few notes to help your ad, from the perspective of a unicorn



I do not care how long you've been together. In fact, it is likely to put me off (We've been together longer than you and he have! Hah.) Just tell me you have a stable, but open relationship that has the flexibility to grow into anything I desire with you, her, or both of you.



Most unicorns, if you want someone exclusive to you, do not want to be someone's "third." They want to be one of three people in a relationship; not the extra add-on.





Those kinds of statements just make you sound like a pretentious ass. It's unnecessary, people expect you to select them because they're special, and makes it sound like you think you're better than other people because YOU choose people selectively and OTHER people just take whoever.

The rest is good.

I have no reason to hide that my wife and I have been together a long time, and we always will be, and we have children together. I'm not here to game my way into sex with anyone. I'm also not just here to look for more lovers. Last, as far as lovers are concerned, we're just as open to the idea of other couples as thirds.

I can see where the picky statements from me could be construed as some type of pretentiousness. It's simply from the facts that we are so different in our worldviews (religion, politics, and so on) than nearly everyone else in this state, coupled with the fact that we have genital herpes. Those make it difficult to engage in anything poly if we have a mind to avoid drama, and we do.

I would add that your response could also be easily construed as being pretentious, and indeed to me it seemed that way, as you fired back with hard and fast judgements of my post and even me personally, instead of asking questions to get to the bottom of who we are if you had a concern. Instead of some kind of damning critique of my post, you could have simply welcomed me to the community or said nothing.

Regardless, cheers.
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  #4  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:41 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings CathexesInc,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sorry your initial experience with Polyamory.com was rather challenging. "Unicorn Hunting" as it's called is a hot-button topic and likely to flare up for any number of possible reasons. Give it some time and some of the more positive posts will come up.

I see your ad was bumped over to the Dating & Friendships subforum; this is a good place for it. Also I can recommend various links and ideas for finding people to date if that's something you would find helpful.

I will be following this thread so if you ever want to ping me with a thought, question, or concern, post away and I'll make a point to respond. A wide range of people are likely to respond to you on most any thread, though; it's quite a bustling site.

I hope you find a partner or couple that is suitable for you.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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Last edited by kdt26417; 06-18-2014 at 11:45 PM.
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  #5  
Old 06-22-2014, 07:28 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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I normally don't post in here, but since this thread was already sort of ruined by Polyinpractice - I'll say that critique of personal ads should be forbidden on this site. Aside from a violation of the TOS, how a person expresses what they want in a partner is their own personal choice and should be left alone. As the vast majority of personal ads in here are in pursuit of single females and rather terse, there's so much room for negativity it's just a waste of time to allow it.

In this case, the OP never mentioned wanting a unicorn, and was criticized for not appealing to unicorns. How ironic.

Would recommend to the OP that they repost this exact personal again in a new thread (I thought it was concise and informative) and let the moderators delete this one.
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  #6  
Old 06-22-2014, 02:03 PM
CathexesInc CathexesInc is offline
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I don't really consider this thread ruined. Honestly Polyinpractice had a valid point about my word use on picky and how it could be interpreted unfavorably, I just don't think it was a very efficacious way of providing any sort of constructive criticism. Water off a duck, at least from where I sit. No big deal.

When I wrote the OP I did so in the Introduction forum, as it was just me stating what I thought was important information about us as a couple. I did not write it as some type of "calling potential lovers" ad, but as a general introduction to the community.

Monkeystyle, appreciate your support. Cheers.
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  #7  
Old 06-26-2014, 08:31 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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I would say the paragraphs that start with 'Looking' 'Sexually' and 'body type' fall into the personals parameter, probably why it was moved over here.

Good luck!!
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