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  #181  
Old 10-13-2013, 08:23 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
I thought I was done with this fucking fucking to pieces.

I lied. To myself and pretty much everyone I had talked to. I haven't given up hope for getting back with him. The one way I think I could is to not be in love with him and I don't know how to stop loving him.
I doubt any intelligent people believed you had given up. Nobody here believes you ever wanted to, I suspect. Of course not being able to have him likely makes your wanting him that much more intense. Like most people in love, the wanting of something is more important than knowing whether or not it's a good idea to actually get it.
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  #182  
Old 10-13-2013, 01:10 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Right. And all of this bullshit going on (not just relationship with Seven wise) has me feeling like I have nothing.

Oh wait, that's not true. I have a person who despite saying he loved me was unable to act in a way to be able to be with me (and despite saying he wants me back keeps letting other things come up that means the three of us can't talk). I have a man-child who needs a mother more than a wife and doesn't know how to be there for anyone emotionally. I have a mother who thinks the best way to spend her time is to berate me on everything I do with my life because if I don't do it exactly like her I'm an idiot. I have a job where I don't make enough to pay my bills and have to be on constant guard to not be attacked or have my shit stolen from the people I support.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #183  
Old 10-13-2013, 02:24 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Darling you need to GTFO of there and away from Seven.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #184  
Old 10-16-2013, 12:01 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Started having a talk with Woodsmith regarding the lack of sex in our life. I had to restate that his abandonment of me emotionally during my depression made me not rant to be with him and next explain that I feel more like a mother than a spouse and that just icks me out to the sex idea.

Then he got pissy about the fact we don't have kink in our relationship and he wants to be able to play. I tried to explain that with him I get nothing out of play. It doesn't turn me on or give me any pleasure.

So we need to continue. I do want passion back but there needs to be terms. I won't have kink with him. I'd rather count ceiling tiles than play because it does nothing for me. He can have it elsewhere if it's important but I can't consent to something that brings me nothing. Also for us to get back to sex he needs to grow up. Do his dishes at least to the point there's no food to dry on them. Keep a calendar so he knows when he had things to do rather than not showing up or being late because he forgot. Take a shower daily because he gets really bad body post and generally goes two days or more between one. Take care of his health. I can offer advice and support (like while getting past the main addiction to smoking don't put yourself in places where you'll be tempted and set up doctors appointments) but he needs to do the work without needing constant reminders. And last, if we have to be somewhere don't stay in bed till 5 min before we need to leave, get up at least a half hour before we need to leave.


If he can't agree to those I'm fine never having sex with him again. I don't really care.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #185  
Old 10-16-2013, 01:28 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Unfortunately when men get into a life partnership they suddenly seem to lose the ability to do certain things for themselves...lol

Murf went 38 yes without me in his life. He managed just fine. Bought a house, made successful investments, bought cars, made appts for himself, made other important decisions. When our relationship changed over time he has turned to me to help with or handle important life decision-making choices.

Be it reading benefit information sent home from work and helping make choices. Helping negotiate buying his new truck. Making appointments for him. Calling around for information for him. I cook and make sure he has homecooked meals for when we are apart. I clean his house.

All the things I do for Butch who pointed out "hey Dag you have 2 husbands" He is right.

It used to bug me, especially with Butch, but came to realize it is their way of needing me and trusting me with their well-being.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #186  
Old 10-16-2013, 01:40 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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The thing is, he knows that it pisses me off. This isn't a conversation we've had once. Or twice. But multiple times. And each time I've made it clear that as long as he expects to treat me as a mother and not do jack shit (even when asked) I'll treat him like a son and not have sex with him.

Update on Seven. He and Lamian are apparently going to be doing couple's therapy. It was one of his requirements with the latest drama the two of them had. One of the things that he is going to be bringing up is his and mine relationship. If/how it would be able to work and then what boundaries are and everything.

Even if what comes out of it is that there isn't a way for him and I to be back together I'm glad they are doing this. After nearly 3 years of fighting and both of their worries that the other has no need for them or are going in a completely different life track, they need this.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #187  
Old 10-17-2013, 01:41 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Seven had sent a message apologizing after showing me fire cups (I got upset) supplier he had found. He then continued with mentioning he and Lamian would be starting therapy in November but he didn't know how long it would be to know if we'd be able to get back together and with the promotion he's up for in his work he'd either be getting transferred or working 12 hour days 4 days a week and each weekend. My reply is as follows.

"Thank you for letting me know that. With that, with Woodsmith and I looking for a new place (which would make having actual time with you even more important if we were together), and with how much I'm not healing right now I think even though it may hurt (both of us potentially) that I need to completely let you go.

Know that I don't want to. But there's too much that is coming down now that would leave me feeling unwanted, unfulfilled in our relationship. And I can't keep myself stagnant for something that isn't going to leave me happy. I know how much agreeing to switch our day from Sunday to a weekday ended up really messing with my head. I know that I need to have the ability to have a full day/night with someone at least once a week that I'm in a relationship with (part of why I realized that I really can't have more than two relationships). I need that connection. Since that isn't going to be something that we'd be able to have I need to let you go. And I guess that would mean I need you to let me go also.

I do love you and care about you and all those emotions I feel towards you I'm going to work on channeling them back into our friendship.

I will miss our relationship. But if you are unable to be there for what I need then being with you again still will result in me having such a huge amount of sorrow and feelings of being lost.

I need you to know and understand that once I feel like I've healed enough and start going to kink events again it's not because I'm trying to replace you, but because I need to have something that won't leave me distraught (and even if you stay working what you will probably would).

I do wish that we could have one more night together. Mostly for closure because it's something that I've never had when a relationship has ended and that ability to say goodbye to the relationship not just with words but with bodies I've wanted. But I know that's next to impossible to have. I just wanted to share it I guess."

So I guess that's the final chapter on our relationship. Now to return to having him as my best friend.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #188  
Old 10-20-2013, 01:10 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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I try to do something to make things easier and all it is still doing is leaving me a broken wreck. I wish I knew how to stop myself from falling apart.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #189  
Old 10-20-2013, 02:57 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
I try to do something to make things easier and all it is still doing is leaving me a broken wreck. I wish I knew how to stop myself from falling apart.
Separation from the source of your problems, and taking time to get over it. No magic bullet though, you've got to stay away from him for a while.
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  #190  
Old 10-21-2013, 01:36 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Latest rant...

Sometimes I wish I knew how to hate.

When my need kept being pushed aside and neglected (even when others didn't take use of it being given up or when it was made very clear how much I needed it) I wish I could have hated. And I did. Myself for either believing I was clear in what I needed or for expecting that I was worthy of having it fulfilled.

When it ended I wish I could have hated. And I did. Myself for believing I was important. Ever.

When I found out how much I was used to harm others I wish I could have hated. And I did. Myself for trusting I was getting all the information I needed to make decisions that wouldn't hurt people.

When the words "being led on"were used I wish I could have hated. And I did. Myself for ever letting hope come back.

When I found out there never was a point to having hope I wish I could have hated. And I did. Myself enough to not even think about talking about what could possibly let me have a final need or want taken care of and just make a decision that I knew would leave me broken.

And now? I still can hate. Myself enough that since I'm not strong enough to just let that final decision stop everything that it's time to make myself believe there couldn't have ever been love or care or want. Because I'm worthless. Because I'm unneeded and unwanted. Because I need to believe that there's something wrong with me. Because I love and care and want too much to hate.

So I guess my wish is fulfilled. I do know how to hate
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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