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  #141  
Old 09-01-2013, 05:31 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So I more or less started the beginning of putting myself out there for someone else to enter my life. Changed up my profiles on Fet and OKCupid including the part stating that right now I'm healing from a loss of a relationship.

I have it established as to what I need (but I figure I'll add in making sure that the person would be with someone who want decide they aren't good once I feel ready to actively look). I make it clear that things would need to start as friends, go to a relationship and then add in a BDSM dynamic but that the goal is that so if things don't curve that way it probably wouldn't work out.

Also planning once out of here of getting to a lot more kink/poly events here in St Louis to start developing some sort of connection with other people in the scene here. I know that may be awkward at times (running into Lamian and Darkeyes occasionally) but I don't have to worry about seeing my ex because he's denied that access by his wife because she doesn't want him to have it.

I do still love Seven (probably always will even when we just get to a point of being back to only friends) but I know that I need to start focusing on a couple of things. How I want things to work for the next relationship is one. The other is getting back to myself. Which means if anyone has any idea of photo/writing things (those daily little things that sometimes pop up on FetLife or FaceBook cause I have zero idea where to find them) I would love to have ideas of what to do to work on looking deeper into who I am as a person.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive

Last edited by CattivaGattina; 09-01-2013 at 05:36 AM.
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  #142  
Old 09-04-2013, 02:24 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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May have fired the final shot in any friendship tonight with a message I sent calling Seven out on his bullshit. We'll see. Since we are looking to move anyways whether there's tension because of this or tension because of the friendship dissolving as well doesn't really change things.

Had a phone interview for a photography job. Seemed to go well and have an in-person interview on the 12th. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I get it.

Talked with Woodsmith about continuing the poly thing. Figured out how to get it working well still for both of us and how to possibly get better in looking at things.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #143  
Old 09-04-2013, 06:36 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Apparently Seven and I are to "have words" tonight. His phrasing. I told him, I'm not going to let him make me out to be the bad guy or wrong in this and if he wants words he's going to get them. He thinks I've been childish in the fact I've been upset about this, now he's going to unleash the full grown cat I am.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #144  
Old 09-05-2013, 12:09 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Somehow I have a feeling this message may make some of you yell at me.

So Seven and I had what started as a bit of an argument last night. He was pissed as to how I was acting in regards to the break up, I was still really hurting. Got that all out of the way and then got to actually have a talk.

I was able to make it clear how much it hurt the fact that he says I wasn't doing things wrong but because he and Lamian couldn't figure stuff out I was the one caught in the crosshairs and being punished. He told me that she hadn't made him end things and in fact was livid with him when she found out he had.

Lots of crying (on my part), apologies (his part), and talking. Finally I said something that I thought was going to sound stupid. One of Lamian's things was that his and mine relationship kinda just happened. Things kept growing and changing without her approval because neither of us expected it to happen and then it did. She felt like he was lying and cheating and that I was trying to avoid talking with her about what I was wanting in my relationship. What I ended up saying last night is that I want a chance for starting over. I want to be with him still and I want us to go about it healthier if need be so we can. He told me it's what he wants as well so he's going to see if she's open to it. If so, we try again. If not, we're still friends.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #145  
Old 09-05-2013, 02:08 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Aw, hon, I'm pretty sure no one wants to yell at you.

But... you do know the popular definition of insanity?

It's doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.

Unless the people in your life suddenly become not themselves, it will be the same. Things will be ok for a while, then they won't be ok, then there will be tension and fighting, then there will be a breakup.

I gently suggest don't rinse and repeat.

(People can change and become different, find ways to deal with their stuff. But it's hard and takes commitment and time.)
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  #146  
Old 09-05-2013, 02:18 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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We are trying this a little differently. Rather than having Seven as a go between whatever is okay and not being discussed at the beginning.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #147  
Old 09-05-2013, 02:34 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I hope that works. And maybe you need to try again just to be sure. Best of luck!
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  #148  
Old 09-05-2013, 09:56 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Conversation happened. While Lamian said that it is something that maybe in the future could be brought up she's not confident in herself, her and Seven's communication, or their relationship that if any of the same issues started to arise they would be able to make it. She told me that she was pissed enough at him when he did it that until he explained that he was just sick of the fighting she was ready to leave him over it because of the fact I wasn't the issue, their problems were.

Friendships have been salvaged. That's the thing I was the most concerned about regarding all of this. One thing I didn't mention (because it's really not important) is that I'm not going to wait for them to be okay. If I was to end up in another relationship with someone who things work with and then they are at a point where Seven could be with me again if I don't have space for him in my life that way it'll just have to not happen.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #149  
Old 09-06-2013, 09:37 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Aw, hon, I'm pretty sure no one wants to yell at you.

But... you do know the popular definition of insanity?

It's doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.

Unless the people in your life suddenly become not themselves, it will be the same. Things will be ok for a while, then they won't be ok, then there will be tension and fighting, then there will be a breakup.

I gently suggest don't rinse and repeat.

(People can change and become different, find ways to deal with their stuff. But it's hard and takes commitment and time.)
Great post. I shrug anymore when I see people confusing what they want for what they need. Which seems to be at the root of much of the world's misery. Maybe it's not insanity, but instead an endless optimism bias that somehow, someway - things will be better tomorrow.

Last edited by monkeystyle; 09-07-2013 at 02:30 AM.
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  #150  
Old 09-07-2013, 02:04 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Posts: 367
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Non poly update.

This week I had an over the phone interview with a photography organization that does newborn pictures in the hospital and on location family photos. This coming Thursday I have an in person interview with the head hit from out of Chicago.

If I get it. Full time, salaried with bonuses, work from home job. Coordinate with the hospitals and families, take the photos, edit the photos. Encouraged by the company to do other work on your own (not a contact where every photo you take has to belong to them, they want their people to be able to freelance still). This it's a completely something that if I have to be in the work force I want to do. Please keep your fingers crossed for me I get the position.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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