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Old 06-07-2010, 03:26 PM
Bucketlist Bucketlist is offline
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Default My bucketlist

I always fantasied being in a relationship were there is one man and two of us women. I thought what a great relationship that would be. All of us sharing and caring for one another.

I been bi-curious my whole life but never acted on it till just recently and now I have enjoyed the company of two women and now know I'm bi-sexual.

I'm in a relationship with a man I truly love and we shared many thoughts and one was bi-curios side. He was willing to help me find out if I would like being with another women and we can explore this together. He has never been with two women and the thought of me exploring another women with him excited him very much.

We started searching on the Internet to find us another women that wants the same experience and we found this site called Adult Friends. Our first encounter was pretty exciting and we went on a few dates but nothing panned out she was to busy for us and we gave up on her. Then we found another lady that said she always wanted to try this and said this was on her "Bucket List". She has never been with a women or more then one sexual partner and wanted to try it also. So we all meet and we all clicked and went into to bed together. OMG! it was amazing! She loved it, I loved it and may I say my boyfriend, he loved it! I thought I knew what passionate love making was but this surpassed any thing I have ever experience and my boyfriend thought the same. We all had a connection to each other that surpassed anything I every experienced before. My boyfriend and I where in haven and talked and talked about that night and how wonderful it was and we were falling for this girl and wanted to see her and wanted her to share our life's with us. But she did not feel the same it was just a "Bucket List" in the end and did not want to continue. She was afraid her family and friends would find out and even though it was amazing too but she could not get past and was not OK with that kind of life style. So we moved on, hurt but understood her concerns.

So we continued our search for our dream girl. And we found another but this one said she was looking to spice up a couples life. So we contacted her and we all meet. She was in two previous couple relationships before and told us this is what she is looking for. We all clicked and had a wonderful night together. My boyfriend and I where in haven again and I finally excepted I'm not bi-curious any more Im totally bi-sexual and loving it. I would text and talk with this new friend of ours day after day. We become friends on face book we were sharing our selfs to her and she was with us. I asked her a question that most people I would think would ask starting a relationship, do you want a LTR? My boyfriend and I where falling for her head over heels. She came back and said sorry but she is just looking for a good time and wants no commitments or to have to work on any relationship with us. That left me upset and my boyfriend upset with me that I rushed her by asking these things. Now she will not text or call me back. My boyfriend said I pushed her away even though it was his idea I ask her these things too, so we know. Now I feel confused and upset I ever started this and not sure where to go from here?

Last edited by Bucketlist; 06-07-2010 at 10:11 PM.
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Old 06-07-2010, 03:40 PM
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Endicott Endicott is offline
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Default Looking for love in the wrong place

AFf (adult Friend Finder) is more orientated towards swingers (sex as an event or recreational experience vs emotional let's-build-a-life-together experience). U might find what u r looking for, but specify upfront, be patient and look for other means to find your dream girlfriend. And have fun along the way
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Old 06-07-2010, 03:59 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Bucketlist View Post
That left me upset and my boyfriend upset with me that I rushed her by asking these things. Now she will not text or call me back. My boyfriend said I pushed her away even though it was his idea I ask her these things too so we know. Now I feel confused and upset I ever started this and not sure where to go from here?
Your boyfriend shouldn't lay blame. There could be a million things involved here.

a) she isn't comfortable in a 3 way relationship - you will run into this...3somes aren't nearly as difficult to get as a girl who wants to date in a 3some
b) she may well have been bi-curious...she may no longer be bi-curious but straight...this happens more often than you think, especially if any alcohol is involved
c) ...

I am the guy in this type of relationship. You are looking for what is sarcastically referred to as a unicorn. You might want to look that up.

If you really want to experience the sexual side, without the attachment you may want to look at swinging...who knows you may make a connection there. You don't have to fall in love with everyone

hmmm if you are doing this to explore your bi side, you may just want to try dating on your own. Meet women and enjoy yourself. Who knows what can happen moving forward, but if its your bi-sexual side you want to explore more...than so be it

Oh...and don't ask her. Its her right to break something off without being required to give a reason. Did you ever break up with a guy and he chased you around screaming "why, why"?...if not, it kind of comes off a bit needy and whiny.
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Old 06-07-2010, 09:59 PM
Bucketlist Bucketlist is offline
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Originally Posted by Endicott View Post
AFf (adult Friend Finder) is more orientated towards swingers (sex as an event or recreational experience vs emotional let's-build-a-life-together experience). U might find what u r looking for, but specify upfront, be patient and look for other means to find your dream girlfriend. And have fun along the way
This was our profile on AFF:

My name is xxxx and I have been bi-curious for a while and have talked to my boyfriend about involving another girl with us. This is not a easy decision and we are very discriminating about what we want. We are looking for a girl that is going to want to start a relationship with us that will move to exploring our sexuality and trying some new experiences. I have always looked at a women's body as very sensual and would like to explore this. We do not want to rush into this with anyone and are willing to wait until we find the right girl that is looking for a similar experience. We are not looking for promiscuity or quantity, we don't want to just get with any girl for a quick fuck, We are looking for a quality relationship. We want to get to know you and build trust and friendship and intimacy before we take a step like this. We love each other and will not allow just anyone into our life. This is something that we want to build up to, and make a memorable experience. We don't want to just find someone for a quick one night as this is a relationship that is more complicated than can be learned that quickly. We want to meet a woman that is looking for a close friendship with just us and wanting to have a passionate relationship. If you want to have a relationship like this and would like to get to know us we could see where it could go.

HI,
My name is xxxx. My girlfriend talked about wanting another girl in our relationship and we are exploring the idea. I love her and we have a very commented relationship and I would like to try this with her. I am a very passionate man and think I can enjoy doing this with her and another women and it will make us even stronger in our own relationship. We have a very passionate relationship, we enjoy kissing and cuddling and love to have allot of foreplay and intimacy and holding each other all night long nude, we like closeness and cuddling and find it very satisfying. The thought of holding her and another women and exploring each other is really very exciting, we are both very adventurous people. It would be nice to share some good times and some adventures with someone that likes to travel with us on occasions. We are looking for a independent women that would be free on weekends, to maybe go for trips with us. We like to go to the desert for camping and motorcycle riding we also like flying, going to the beach to ride our bikes, and many other pastimes. We like to go boating at Laughlin and take trips to Las Vegas or other destinations and we would love to share this with another women that would be interested in some fun get aways, or even just a night out on the town. If this is something you would be interested in send us a message we love to hear from you.

My Ideal Person: We are looking for a women that is free on most weekends to go out and have some fun. Someone that wants to have fun in and out of bed and would like to build a good friendship not just a one night stand.


I don't think we were vague in what we wanted so why she decided to see us and start this is with us is very hurtful now since her last text to me said.

Damn sorry I missed that in your profile. I wouldnt have met with ya if I knew this is what you two wanted. I mean don't get me wrong I am glad I did...but I would have declined. I am super sorry on that...

Maybe she needs more time to think my boyfriend says or maybe we will not hear from her again.
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  #5  
Old 06-07-2010, 10:25 PM
Bucketlist Bucketlist is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Your boyfriend shouldn't lay blame. There could be a million things involved here.

a) she isn't comfortable in a 3 way relationship - you will run into this...3somes aren't nearly as difficult to get as a girl who wants to date in a 3some
b) she may well have been bi-curious...she may no longer be bi-curious but straight...this happens more often than you think, especially if any alcohol is involved
c) ...

I am the guy in this type of relationship. You are looking for what is sarcastically referred to as a unicorn. You might want to look that up.

If you really want to experience the sexual side, without the attachment you may want to look at swinging...who knows you may make a connection there. You don't have to fall in love with everyone

hmmm if you are doing this to explore your bi side, you may just want to try dating on your own. Meet women and enjoy yourself. Who knows what can happen moving forward, but if its your bi-sexual side you want to explore more...than so be it

Oh...and don't ask her. Its her right to break something off without being required to give a reason. Did you ever break up with a guy and he chased you around screaming "why, why"?...if not, it kind of comes off a bit needy and whiny.
I hear what your saying it seems there is many couples out there looking for what we want. I never heard of the term unicorn, it fits. And that flow sheet was funny and it looks like we followed it to the tee. I hope what we are asking is not impossible it sounds like you have found it? I do have many questions and glad I found this site.

I will not brother her like you said and ask "why, why? I will just leave it alone and if she comes back to us then great! She was not only good in bed but also very funny and passionate person and I have to say HOT! We wanted her in our lives. My BF felt the same and is not blaming me, he was just was upset too and it got the better of us. We are learning much about our selfs in this experience and have grown closer because of it. We will have to learn to take it slower and not scare someone off with our enthusiasm next time

Last edited by Bucketlist; 06-07-2010 at 10:27 PM.
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  #6  
Old 06-07-2010, 10:35 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Bucketlist View Post
I hear what your saying it seems there is many couples out there looking for what we want. I never heard of the term unicorn, it fits. And that flow sheet was funny and it looks like we followed it to the tee. I hope what we are asking is not impossible it sounds like you have found it? I do have many questions and glad I found this site.
To be honest if you had asked me 9 months ago about 3somes...I would have said they were relatively easy to find. I was...well probably borderline swinger. I didn't care about the relationship just wanted the sex.

9 months ago I found that and more...I just about wrote unfortunately, because it has made me want more...making the journey more difficult. 3somes were easier when you just wanted someone to spend a weekend with. Finding someone you both need to be attracted to, the are attracted to you both and have the personalities to mesh...well it gets exponentially more difficult.

We have actually changed our relationship structure a bit because of that.

So no, I have not found my triad, not a V...I have made a lot of good friends...we are also an "open" couple so we keep one foot on each side of the non-monogamy door. If that makes sense

Quote:
I will not brother her like you said and ask "why, why? I will just leave it alone and if she comes back to us then great! She was not only good in bed but also very funny and passionate person that I would love in our lives. My BF felt the same and is not blaming me, he was just was upset too and it got the better of us. We are learning much about our selfs in this experience and have grown closer because of it. We will have to learn to take it slower and not scare someone off with our enthusiasm next time
hehe...well enjoy it, one thing my wife and I are doing are going separate ways. We aren't separating (as in our marriage) but she needs to spend some time with women, on her own. She is bi and while has NEVER hidden that fact she never acted on it. She, and I agree with her, believe its probably time...

Best of luck...and enjoy the ride...and honestly expect a lot of bumps in the road.
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Old 06-08-2010, 03:58 PM
Bucketlist Bucketlist is offline
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Well the unicorn text me back after I text her if she wanted to continue seeing us and I hope I did not scare her off?

No you didn't scare me away my text that confused you was more of an apology for not reading your profile and understanding what you two wanted from the get go. I like you guys. our meeting was fun and enjoyable. but I am not the most available person to be friends with. I have alot of stuff going on most of the time and I wish I didn't. but for right now thats how it plays out for me. So there ya go....

I text back with my BF's consultation on this.

Understand and sorry I just got a little excited about all this because its all new to us and me and may of pushed myself on you a little to much I feel. Your the one with a complicated life and we have a simple easy one. So no worries if you like to continue seeing us that would make us very happy. We have all the time you need from us and we know yours is limited. We totally understand your dilemma and will not intrude. Call us or text us anytime you need us we are there for you! Kisses and Hugs.


Any advice will help on what should our next step should be with our unicorn?
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  #8  
Old 06-08-2010, 06:29 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I would leave it alone. I think she has already said she isn't available and is being nice. You kind of went a bit fast with the kisses and hugs and being available whenever thing I think. She used you to experiment by the sounds of it, nothing more. She has pointed that out as kindly as possible.

You sound like lovely people who take having sex with people seriously. It sounds like it is a bonding experience and it hurts you that others don't find it such. There is nothing wrong with that, but perhaps you need to look for like minded people who see it the same way, if not similarly.

Adult friend finder is not the best place to find people who see sex and love the way you do. I suggest you move on to sites that have perhaps similar people... okcupid for example. Better yet, get involved with the poly community in your area or sometimes swinging communities are a more to the poly side... one would have to go cautiously however as it isn't about love and connection on the fore front, but casual sex with strangers usually. Still, might be worth looking into.

You will find a huge difference in people who enjoy sex as recreation. They are going to jump on the chance faster to have sex than those that view it as a loving, bonding act. That takes time. A richness evolves first from relationships like the latter and when sex actually happens it is to deepen the relationship rather than for fun... although it is fun also.

Your ad sounds like ones I used to write and respond too. I know that I could very well be wrong, but as I spent a lot of time doing what you are doing and got very hurt and somewhat destroyed in the process I hope that you at least engage in a different method.

I find in my relationships huge benefits to me as I know that the love and sex I have is based in connection and bonding... very different from when we were on the path you are now on... we started there. I too was disappointed (among other feelings) that the ones I gave myself too saw me as nothing more than an experiment.

yup, I think its time to move on from this one and let her be. You have given her your spiel and she isn't biting. Or isn't right now. The more you try and get her to bite, the less she will want to and just be irritated.

She is no unicorn... unicorns actually want the couple as is, no other lovers are necessary and they are everything to them. The are in it past a one night stand and are bonded with the couple.... make no mistake, she experimented and is done with you for now.
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