Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-10-2012, 08:27 AM
PolyInFL PolyInFL is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Oldsmar, FL
Posts: 23
Question Bisexual, Pansexual, Polysexual...is it all semantics?

Recently, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and self-reflection on my sexual identity. I identified as a polyamorous bisexual several years ago. Since I have not actually had sex with a woman yet, some would say I can only call myself "bi-curious" which I find kind of funny. Do virgins have to say they are only "hetero-curious" until they do it?

I think I have found the best definition for how I feel about my sexual attraction to others in the term "pansexual" which, according to Wiki is synonymous with being gender-blind. I have the most actual experience with men who are both biologically male and who self-identify as heterosexual males. But as for individuals that I have felt attraction for they are varied, including ftm trans. The point is, my attraction to someone is not based on their gender. So to me, pansexual fits - if the gender-blind definition is accurate. But I have found some resources that claim pansexual is a derogatory term.

I am curious what others think about this.

I know, I know - labels suck. But sometimes you need to use words to explain, you know? When I first read about the idea of pansexuality it was like I finally had a word for what I have been feeling my entire adult life. It was freeing.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-10-2012, 11:49 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,513
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyInFL View Post
Recently, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and self-reflection on my sexual identity. I identified as a polyamorous bisexual several years ago. Since I have not actually had sex with a woman yet, some would say I can only call myself "bi-curious" which I find kind of funny. Do virgins have to say they are only "hetero-curious" until they do it?
No, because not all virgins are hetero! And some virgins are not "curious" at all... if they are prepubescent! And some virgins might be bi-curious. Etc.

Quote:
I think I have found the best definition for how I feel about my sexual attraction to others in the term "pansexual" which, according to Wiki is synonymous with being gender-blind. I have the most actual experience with men who are both biologically male and who self-identify as heterosexual males. But as for individuals that I have felt attraction for they are varied, including ftm trans. The point is, my attraction to someone is not based on their gender. So to me, pansexual fits - if the gender-blind definition is accurate. But I have found some resources that claim pansexual is a derogatory term.


I am curious what others think about this.
If the shoe fits... What have these "resources" said is bad about the term?

Quote:
I know, I know - labels suck.
I don't think they do.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-10-2012, 03:27 PM
RfromRMC's Avatar
RfromRMC RfromRMC is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina
Posts: 239
Lightbulb

A bisexual man I know explained it to me as this:

Bisexual means two-- you like biological men and women.

Pansexual means a gamut--you like men, women, and anything in between. I.e., androgynous, transgendered, intersex, etc etc.

So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual because he "likes his men very much manly and his women very much womanly". (His words, not mine.)

So that's what I've been assuming since.
__________________
Just Rob now. That's all. .


In North Carolina? Check out: facebook.com/ncPoly
In Raleigh/Durham? Check out www.meetup.com/TrianglePolyamory
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-10-2012, 04:31 PM
SourGirl's Avatar
SourGirl SourGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 885
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyInFL View Post
I know, I know - labels suck. But sometimes you need to use words to explain, you know? When I first read about the idea of pansexuality it was like I finally had a word for what I have been feeling my entire adult life. It was freeing.
No,....people who get 'stuck' on a label..suck.
Or, micro-labelling can suck.



Labels are good for a general purpose, but tend to work like clothes bought off-the-rack . They generally fit, but definitely aren`t ever able to be 'custom-made'.
Then people run into problems, when they try to customize a general-fit label.

I think if someone specifically wants to know what you are into, then details on pansexual, vs. bisexual are quite warranted. Use the label that fits your audience.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-10-2012, 06:10 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,229
Default

Using the definitions people have shared above, pansexual would fit me best. I don't mind using bisexual though, because most people understand it well and I don't see any downside to using it... like, I don't think an androgynous and/or genderqueer person would think "Oh, I have no chance" after hearing me say I'm bi.

My term of choice, the one I preferentially use if given the option, is definitely queer. It doesn't rule anything out, it's easy and fun to say, and it describes, to me, not just a sexuality but an outlook on life that's a little radical, a little "It's all good, baby, yeah." So, I feel it actually gives more of the flavor of who I am without pinning me down.
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-11-2012, 06:33 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

If the term works, use it. I use the term "pansexual" for myself too.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-11-2012, 07:34 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 695
Default

It's probably more accurate for me to say pansexual, but having just met the word, I'm less likely to use it. Bisexual has worked for me for 34 years. I'm also likely to only use whatever label is appropriate to the context of whatever conversation I'm in. Once my lovers know, there's not really much need to discuss history. Now that I'm in a fidelitous vee with two men, still not much point in calling attention to the fact that it's possible for me to be with women. I won't back down if asked, but I also don't have a need to announce.

I never liked the word bicurious, but I understand the meaning. I didn't have to be with a woman to know that I wanted to. I started calling myself bisexual the minute I knew girls were an option. (really? I can date girls TOO?) When I read an ad from someone saying they're bicurious and looking, my thought is 'I don't wanna be your experiment.' But some girls like to experiment. The first woman I was with only wanted me because I'd not been with a woman before. At the time, I was totally okay with that.

Once I figured out that the main thing bisexual people have in common is feeling that labels suck, I felt free to use the label as I pleased.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-11-2012, 03:31 PM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 132
Default

I have come to just realize it will depend on the person. Obviously sometimes there's a magical chemistry if you are lucky. I guess for that's what defines it for me. I haven't actually labelled myself either although I do believe it is down to the person. I don't what that makes me but I am happy with it. So no label... I am just me!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-16-2012, 01:48 AM
Tinkerbrat Tinkerbrat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 11
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by RfromRMC View Post
A bisexual man I know explained it to me as this:

Bisexual means two-- you like biological men and women.

Pansexual means a gamut--you like men, women, and anything in between. I.e., androgynous, transgendered, intersex, etc etc.

So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual because he "likes his men very much manly and his women very much womanly". (His words, not mine.)

So that's what I've been assuming since.
I think I like this definition the best because I understand it enough I know I can explain it to someone else.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-16-2012, 07:05 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 695
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
I never liked the word bicurious, but I understand the meaning. I didn't have to be with a woman to know that I wanted to. I started calling myself bisexual the minute I knew girls were an option. (really? I can date girls TOO?) When I read an ad from someone saying they're bicurious and looking, my thought is 'I don't wanna be your experiment.' But some girls like to experiment.
I meant to include, regarding the above, that I took a lot of flak for that, too. Everyone i met would say, 'so, are you gay?' and I'd say 'no, I'm bi' and they'd say something about being with a woman, and I'd admit to how I hadn't, and then they'd say, 'how do you KNOW?' 'I just know, okay?' Because I did. Still do.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexual, pansexual, polysexual

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:48 PM.