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  #21  
Old 09-27-2012, 01:31 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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I'm so glad you're looking into options. I want to assure you this is all very doable. My ex-husband has made 24 hour flights several times, with several very young children, by himself. I've made a number of 30 hour drives, by myself, with a bunch of kids. You can do this.

It seems to me that there are a lot of problems in this relationship--you being kept in the dark about finances is a huge red flag. You have no access to any money? Another huge red flag. I could list more. But you are once again worried that he is going to feel bad. At what point has he shown any concern for how his actions and control are making you feel?
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  #22  
Old 09-27-2012, 01:35 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
I haven't said anything to my SO yet. I want to be sure I'm ready to actually follow through with it before I say anything.
Sounds like you are working out a plan with mom. WTG!

Great that you are focussing on what you DO want -- to be ready to actually follow through.

http://www.faa.gov/passengers/media/childsafety.pdf

Almost ANY infant "bucket style" carrier is good. That hard kind with the handle? Your kid is that small right? Bet you have one already. Look at brand, look up manufacturer number, call up their customer service and ask "Is this carseat model ____ approved for airline use?" if you need the reassure.

Quote:
I feel like telling him is going to be the hardest part.
So just don't tell him right now if it hurts your "follow throughness." Sounds like you know yourself pretty well.

You can choose WHEN to tell him. You can always tell him after. The convo would still be just as hard for you, right? But the main part will be over with.

Could even choose not to tell at all! YOU can choose the choices in YOUR life.

Start learning to think about what is less stressful for YOU. (You can learn that from his example!)

Hang in there. I keep hoping you get yourself to a happier place and a brighter future. However it is you gotta go to GET there. Will be rootin' for ya and baby.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-27-2012 at 01:52 PM.
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  #23  
Old 09-27-2012, 01:51 PM
Invi Invi is online now
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I will put it out there just that he has, on many occasions, shown that he cares about how I feel. He just has no interest in giving up the actions that upset me, and I get that.
If he wants multiple partners, that's his right. And as has been stated, if I want the opposite, I have the right to pursue that elsewhere.

I can't just leave without talking to him. That is just not me. I may be one to avoid confrontation, but I do not sneak like that. If I was afraid of him, I could see that, but I'm not. I'll definitely talk to him before leaving, especially since I want to be able to have reasonable talks about contact and him visiting our son. I do not want to do that later with him being angry that I just up and took him.
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  #24  
Old 09-27-2012, 01:54 PM
Invi Invi is online now
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I should wait before responding when you've posted. ;p
We don't own one of those kinds of seats. It was more economical to buy a convertible carseat and a soft structured carrier for carrying him around.
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  #25  
Old 09-27-2012, 02:41 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Invi,

If you are not afraid of him, consider telling him exactly what you want out of the relationship before you leave him. Of course, if you have already done that, then do what you feel is necessary and right.

But I don't get the sense from your posts that you have really laid out to him exactly what you want. It seems that he tells you what he wants and then he goes and does it and you cope.

But what if you said, I love you, you're a good father, I want to stay in a relationship with you but I need that relationship to be monogamous. If you feel safe with him, then it never hurts to ask for what you really want. You may not get it - and honestly I don't see him wanting to be monogamous from what you've written - but ask for what you want in life. He may not get that you are so close to leaving. Knowing that you are on the verge of leaving may change nothing but unless you ask, you don't know for sure.

Best of luck to you. I think you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation.
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  #26  
Old 09-27-2012, 02:54 PM
thinker thinker is offline
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i m sorry for your situation Invi, you are a good mother but being a stay at home mum while you are not married is really dangerous. Your "bf" can kick you at anytime and leaving you penniless. Yeah i guess you had done the right thing to leave...... how the heck can you live in a place where you had no friends while your bf controlling the finances i mean he is making you more a prisoner rather than a wife or mum............

I hope the best you can leave from him (even though it is a poly forum but his attitude in having outside relationships without ANY communication is a really big red flag). I may even suspect that he may be cheating on you under the name of poly (or swinging since he is more sex-oriented).

Best of luck, dear member and may you deserve a better treatment from a more humane person than your "soon to be ex bf"

p.s really disturbing at your current situation
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  #27  
Old 09-27-2012, 06:05 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Again, only YOU know what level this is at over there in real life:
  • At the inconsiderate/rude place alone.
  • Or at the inconsiderate, rude AND abusive place.

I'm just letting you know that as a stranger looking from the outside in? There's enough weird there in your posts to make me go "Ack!" and worry.

If at the abusive place, it is not "sneaking off" to want to get to a safe place FIRST before talking to him so he cannot stop you from leaving by hurting you.

I certainly hope you are not being abused, and I def wish you were not being treated rudely and inconsiderately.

I'll keep hoping you get you and baby to a better place.

GL!
GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-27-2012 at 06:09 PM.
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  #28  
Old 09-28-2012, 09:47 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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You don't need a carseat to fly with a child under the age of two. I flew with my
son as a lap child several times with no problems. He slept most of the time in my arms even as a toddler. No issues with turbulence.
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.

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  #29  
Old 09-29-2012, 04:28 AM
Invi Invi is online now
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opalescent, I'm going to do exactly that. Thank you.

thinker, I'm aware it's not a stable situation, but frankly it wouldn't matter if we were married because we are both very much opposed to the State being involved in private matters. Neither of us would ever push for child support or alimony, so it's a moot point. I'd be just as penniless if we had a marriage license.

GalaGirl, thanks.

Vicki, it's my personal preference. I don't want to hold him that long, I'm not confident in my ability to do so safely, and he doesn't like being held that long even if I was. Without a compatible seat, that's just not something I'd be willing to do.


It's looking like Mom would rent a trailer at a local Uhaul where she is, and pull it with her car avoiding the mountains by taking an extended route. Adds like 500 miles to the trip, but it means we'd be able to get all of my stuff without crowding us in the car too much.
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  #30  
Old 09-29-2012, 10:01 AM
thinker thinker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Invi View Post
It's looking like Mom would rent a trailer at a local Uhaul where she is, and pull it with her car avoiding the mountains by taking an extended route. Adds like 500 miles to the trip, but it means we'd be able to get all of my stuff without crowding us in the car too much.
Thats great atleast you had a plan but one thing why not fly there instead?
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