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  #31  
Old 06-08-2010, 01:58 AM
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well, had a good weekend althought it didnt end up with me and the dog. k came out to visit and we ended up siting out under the stars and talking for a very long time. she apologized to me for the way that she has been handling my issues with her new relationship. she also told me something that really put my mind at ease, lets see if i can remember this correctly. k said that our love is not threatened because nobody cant replace me in her life, that i am the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and her relationship with h will never be a replacement for us or our relatonship that we have. i cant remember the exact words but the light came on, and i am feeling much better about the whole situation. i even have an email for h. i wrote him a somewhat short letter and sent it on its way.
earlier today when i was at work, k sent me a number and said i should send a text. the number is to my highschool sweetheart, wow! what a flood of emotions. so i started texting with L. i havent seen this woman in 15 years and we played catchup for most of the afternoon. i also relized that i have feelings for L, still. but the feelings(love?) is very different from what k and i have. k and i talked quickly this afternoon about L. sly woman has taught me yet again. we talked about how the feelings are different and i think we are on the proper road now. thank you to all that have given me insite and advice. i really appreciate the help. its still a little soon to tell but things are looking up.
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  #32  
Old 06-08-2010, 04:10 AM
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Awesome that you are now getting closer to being on the same page! I'm so happy for you and her! This is awesome! What a success story. (so far) I'm almost crying now. LOL
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  #33  
Old 06-08-2010, 04:23 PM
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wonderful!!! so glad things are looking better
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  #34  
Old 06-11-2010, 03:27 PM
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well, my life is progressing towards happiness. i am learning to deal with my insecurity. K and i have had some good talks. reconnecting with my highschool gf "L" has unlocked a lot of emotions that i had locked away, part of being mono i guess. with K's help i am learning that it is possible to love someone else and not lose what k and i have. L and i have been playing catch up in our lives. i have not heard back from K's bf, but she said not to worry, he has a hard time communicating. she says he talks in circles and has a hard time conveying his true feelings. im not real thrilled with that, but i think with time and meeting face to face we can become friends. it will be difficult because H(guess i should change the letter i use for his name since H stood for HOMEWRECKER.) lives so far away, but i think with time things will improve. i still have my insecurity of K leaving, but if she was gonna do it i gave her the perfect oppurtunity. i now have a new saying " im riding this train wreck i call life to the very end of the line." haha, makes me laugh when i start getting to serious and over think things.
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  #35  
Old 06-11-2010, 03:52 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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How did your wife get your high school sweetie's number?
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  #36  
Old 06-12-2010, 02:00 AM
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I know how you feel, trust me I do. My wife came out as Poly a couple of years ago. We'd been together for 5 years before that, and when she told me she wanted to start seeing this other man she was interested, I was devastated. I won't lie to you; I hurt, I cried, I was depressed, I raged, I rode a roller coaster of emotions and the peaks were a lot smaller than the valleys. I alternated between wanting to leave her and fear of her leaving me. I never thought it would work out and I would end up alone.

It didn't work out that way at all. I told my wife how I was feeling, I made sure she knew how it made me felt. We talked, so many times, long into the night, we argued, we discussed like rational adults, we talked until our brains hurt. In short, we communicated honestly and openly about everything we were feeling. Things got easier over time. My fear of being left for 'the other man' slowly went away and although I still had (and have) jealousies and the niggling fear that any babies in our relationship may not be mine, things got easier. We negotiated some ground rules. You have a right to feel the way you feel, but you need to talk to your wife about how you are feeling. If you trust her, and she has told you that you are her life and her love, then believe her. I'm not saying there's no way she'll ever leave, hell, my wife might decide to leave tomorrow, but she's being honest with you and with herself and that's a very good sign.

I would suggest to you that you really work on figuring out how you feel, and why you feel the way you do. I would also suggest that you tell your wife when you do figure it out, and talk to her as often as you can about how you feel and what you want. Relationships are always a lot of work, and compromise is the name of the game if a relationship is going to last. You are making a compromise in sharing your wife on an emotional level, it's only fair that she be willing to make compromises for you. What works for me may not work for you, but trust me when I say that honesty and open communication is always the best policy in these situations. No doubt the road will be rough at times, but it's up to you to decide whether that road is worth it. I don't know a darned thing about you, but believe me when I say you are worth it and you are worthy of being loved, everyone deserves love.

Another thing you can do is really work on loving yourself. It's hard since our society sees self-congratulation as a conceited, but it's healthy to have self-respect and self-worth. It makes a man more attractive than a flashy car or muscles of expensive clothing, and many women have told me that. Be honest with yourself about your achievements, feel proud of the accomplishments you've made, try not to compare yourself to others. Last of all, don't believe that a poly relationship is some kind of 'unnatural' way of going through life. It's been reinforced in society that monogamy is the norm, and statistically it is, but there were times when slavery was the norm, when beating your wife was accepted and even encouraged, and look where we are now. Our society views monogamy as the norm, but that doesn't mean it's the only way to go through life and it doesn't mean it's normal. I hope you got something out of this and I have helped in some small way. You are not alone.

-Love is all you need
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  #37  
Old 06-12-2010, 02:19 AM
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K got L number from my cousin who was in a relationship and has two kids with L's cousin. I come from a very small town so its nuthing to see old friends or be friends with ex,s and their family. K thought that if I unlocked my heart and let old feelings out that we (k and I) could work thru my issues alittle easier. Reconnecting with L has opened my eyes so to speak, I can see where K is coming from. Still have alot of work to do. The insecurity issue is the cause of my jealousy and now that i know the cause I think it will be easier to deal with. K and I know that this is a work in progress and I think if we both keep working together that over time this will be easier for me to deal with. I think that I will always have some type of insecurity or jealousy, dont think those will ever completely disappear, but with work my emotions will be much more manageable. time will tell.
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  #38  
Old 06-13-2010, 01:55 AM
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K and I went shopping alone today, no kids. had a long discussion about her relationship, or lack there of, with H. They havent really talked, at all, about what they want. K wants to talk face to face with H and i can understand why, its a very important discussion. K is not sure what he is wanting. I told K that I think its a very good idea to find out and see if they both want the same thing. Part of me still thinks that H wants her all to himself, I do. Whether he does or not K says she is committed to me and is in this till the end. That makes me happy, but i still have that foreboding feeling that it will all end one day. Sometimes it feels like a timebomd and i cant see the timer. But for the most part things are going very well. Thankyou to all who have given advice and ideas. It has really helped finding other people that have had similiar issues in their lives.
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  #39  
Old 06-18-2010, 08:33 PM
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Well its been a very rough week. K's whole demeanor and attidude changed dramtically. She now wants to move back home,this is also where H lives. I tried to talk to her but something has happened, I'm not sure what. So I did a little txt snooping(this is something that i hate doing, feel very ashamed) and K wants to leave me and start dating H. Her message was very straight forward and she asked him if the could start seein each other. Her feelings for me are completely different, she sees me as a friend with benifits. She also said that she never felt the spark with me that they had when they were dating. So now I sit here not sure what todo. K is planning to leave and live with a close friend, her, my kids, and the friends family. I have tried to talk to her and I seem to be making things worse, no matter how hard I try. Its so hard to watch the woman I love so completely make plans that in noway, shape, or form include me. What is happening is exactly what i was afraid of, she is in love with someone else and there seems to be nothing I can do. Well thats my story up till now. Any suggestions will help. thank you in advance.
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  #40  
Old 06-18-2010, 08:49 PM
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Poly is probably quite often used as a way to try to avoid ending an existing relationship after emotions change. It sounds like she isn't poly at all. Regardless, if that is how she feels about you and decided to stay would that fulfill your heart?

My ex wife once said the same things about me, it was devastating but we did manage to reconnect. If I didn't feel that her love for me was genuine, I wouldn't have been able to stay.

I don't have any advice to keep her in your life. I do know that you can find the type of love you are looking for. Where you find it is the unknown part.

Take care
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