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  #161  
Old 09-22-2010, 12:29 AM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
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If there is little trust in the relationship, how can one connect at a deep level? I can totally understand why you are feeling that things are not quite right when the trust isn't there. Sounds normal to me...
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  #162  
Old 09-27-2010, 11:36 PM
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racer812 racer812 is offline
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I have stated that I do not trust her. And now that trust is totally gone. Caught K in another lie! I guess I need to speed up this separation process. I have also found out that K is looking for and apartment in another town, go figure. My gut told me something was up. So I'm not real sure how to proceed. I have never had to do this with someone that I care so much about. This feeling that I have totally sucks!
K took the family on a mini vacation, it was really nice. She showered me with attention and affection. But I have the feeling that its not real, something tells me its all just a show, all fake. I won't ignore my gut feeling anymore. Right now I'm just trying to get my thoughts in order and figure out how to proceed. This might take some time. I have to focus on the positives in my life.
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  #163  
Old 09-27-2010, 11:48 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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This is sad and my heart goes out to you. Talk with an attorney to see what you need to do/not do to protect yourself and your kids.
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  #164  
Old 09-28-2010, 03:24 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Racer, I really feel for you and I'm very proud that you've gotten to the point where you're willing to protect yourself. I'm sorry the situation sucks, but I think you are being very wise about the whole matter.
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  #165  
Old 10-01-2010, 10:58 PM
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racer812 racer812 is offline
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Wise?!?! Me, wise!?!? I never have looked at myself as being wise. But the more time that passes and the more I look at whats wrong with our relationship, the less options I see. I continually catch K in lies! Could marriage counseling help this? Maybe K needs to see a shrink(psychiatrist)? I'm to the point now that I'm ready for her to leave!
K asked me to forgive her. I have a very difficult time in forgiving anybody that has wronged me. Especially when that person continues to do it! I really think that K doesn't see what she has done as bad, or destructive to us. I have become detached from her, built up my wall to protect me.I'm not even sure I want her to stay in my life anymore! She went from bound and determined to leave to I'm gonna stay now. All this changed in a week! UGH!! I hate this feeling of not trusting someone and wondering if what they are telling you is true or not. Makes life way more stressful than it should be.
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  #166  
Old 10-02-2010, 01:10 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Racer,
I am going to offer up some strange advise. Talk with K. Show her where you have caught her lying to you. Point out that, while you WANT to trust her, you have a VERY hard time doing so.

You said that you loved her.....Give her an honest chance to fix what she has broken. It will take time...LOTS of time. But it very well could be worth it.

One of the stipulations needs to be that she cut off all communication with her beau. If she is unwilling to do so, then she is not truely committed to YOU. I would cut off anyone who came between me and my wife. (I HAVE done this in fact) and I know she would do the same for me. It is a small price to pay, to remain with someone you claim to love so much. Just an opinion.
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  #167  
Old 10-02-2010, 03:33 AM
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racer812 racer812 is offline
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TL, that is not strange advice! What you wrote, makes perfect sense to me. We have some down time this weekend, and I think its a perfect time to try to talk with her. Thank you! I think that it is truly sound advice.
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  #168  
Old 10-02-2010, 01:26 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Well, Racer, I REALLY love to see peoples relationships work out. I hate to watch, what was once a wonderful union, turn to mush and disolve. It is so sad when that happens. So I try to make sure I help to put them back together if it's possible. MOST of the time, the two are splitting because of a lack of communication, a MIS-communication, or a lack of compromise.

When L and I dated our first couple, we watched as they slowly dissolved. It hurt US so bad, it almost turned us off from ever dating anyone else again. We tried to get them back together, but he had crossed the line. She caught him with another woman that she knew nothing about. They were swingers, and not really poly, so L and I were confused as to why she would have such a cow over it. L continued to date him, though. the female would have nothing to do with the rest of us because we were talking with and seeing him. Kinda sucked all around. Well, they eventually got a divorce, and the male of the couple, got married to the woman he "cheated" with. Apparently, it IS possible to cheat while swinging. Who knew?
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Last edited by TL4everu2; 10-02-2010 at 01:34 PM.
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  #169  
Old 10-04-2010, 11:04 PM
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I have spent the last few days doing lots of thinking. I still think that K is planning something. As long as I dont bring up our issues everything is hunky dory. If I bring up the subject, instantly K gets defensive. I honestly take the time to think about what I am going to say before I say it. I think about how to say things to her so that she wont get defensive. Nothing seems to work. So as long as I keep quiet, its smooth sailing. I keep finding out about things that she is doing behind my back. I always thought that if you are in a serious relationship then there are no secrets. Apparently I am mistaken. Also K is extremely jealous now. She is checking my text messages and what ever else she can find. She is also watching and listening to everything that goes on between me and my friend, S. Basically she is doing everything she can to spy on me. Its funny how something as innocent as a friendship can be turned around and twisted. S and I have never acted on our feelings for each other. We have talked about them but we just never took that next step. Now K feels threatened. My life is an utter mess right now! Damn! Maybe I should take a break from all this. I am thinking that I should move out for a little bit. Still be there for K and especially my kids, but just get out and breath a little.
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  #170  
Old 10-05-2010, 01:17 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Racer,
The advise I can give you is this: Don't do anything that you need to hide from K. Let her snoop and find the obvious which you have already proclaimed. Then, if she finds things, gently remind her that you have been open about those things the whole time anyway, so there was no secret. If you are finding her hiding things from her, then point them out to her and ask her about them. It COULD still be a simple misunderstanding. Always think the best of someone until they prove differently to you.
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