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  #111  
Old 07-31-2010, 04:38 AM
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racer812 racer812 is offline
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Thank you Ariakas. The more I think about this whole situation, the more I see how much I need to learn.
Its a very difficult thing to trust when it comes to matters of the heart, at least for me it is. So, I sit here and "trust" in the fact that she loves me and will come back to me.
I guess I should be thankful that it is a LDR. If it is a relationship at all. If H lived closer, I dont think I would still have K.
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  #112  
Old 07-31-2010, 11:42 AM
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If H lived closer, I dont think I would still have K.
Then you don't really "have" her anyway. Just sayin.
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  #113  
Old 07-31-2010, 09:42 PM
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Thats very possible. But I'm not gonna stop loving her, even if she decides to leave. What I meant by that is, during our arguments, if he lived closer, she probably would have run to him, but I'm not entirely sure.
I'm trying to be patient and wait but I was never very good at it. So I am keeping myself busy so that I don't have time to dwell on the negative, trying to stay focused on the positive. I'm not even sure if K is going to see H. But if she does, we went over our rules again,together, and I hope it works better this time for all of us.
I still don't understand myself in the fact that I haven't told K that she had to stop her "relationship" with H. I know deep down that she will not give him up so to speak until she is ready. Strange how I can accept part of the relationship and not the other.
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  #114  
Old 08-01-2010, 07:10 PM
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I received a call from K this morning, we almost always text. She was very emotional about my card and ring. She was so touched.
And as of this morning she is excited to get back home to me! Life is slowly turning around. I'm not gonna rush any of this, its time to sit back and wait.
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  #115  
Old 08-01-2010, 07:48 PM
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I'm glad she took your gesture the way you meant it .

It sounds like she's thinking, from more recent posts of yours, like she's thinking the grass is always greener when she's with the other person.

Maybe ask him (I think it's you that's facebooking with your s/o's other) if that's how he thinks she's thinking of it. When with you she's always thinking about what it's like with him & when with him always thinking about how it is with you. Ask her about it as well. That might help the two of you sort out what's going on & why she's always so antsy to get back to him when she's only just gotten home.
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  #116  
Old 08-01-2010, 10:04 PM
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It's not me. I have only sent an email that was never answered. Except for the email I have had no contact with H.
And as far as our agreement goes, K has not spent any alone time with H this trip. Unless she is breaking our agreement and is doing it in secret.
I was pretty sure that my gesture would be taken the way it was, I know this woman very well.
K has one more nite before she and the kids head for home and she is going to some close friends of ours for a bbq and to spend the nite. If she has any plans to spend time with H, as in intimately, she is suppose to call and "check in", make sure I'm ok with it. I dont think she will bring him around our friends, they dont know about our lifestyle(is poly a lifestyle?).
Also called attention to K's F.B. profile, where she put her relationship as complicated, interesting conversation. Will have to wait and see if it gets changed.
Thanks again gang. All of your words help.
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  #117  
Old 08-02-2010, 03:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by racer812 View Post
K must make her choice, whether its good or bad for me!
To provide another view:

When are you going to take responsibility for yourself?

If you want your life to improve, you *and only you* are responsible for your involvements. If those aren't working, you're responsible for changing things so they work. Putting the onus on others to decide what your involvements are and whether they're good or bad can be described (most charitably) as irresponsible.
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  #118  
Old 08-04-2010, 03:36 AM
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Hhhmmm.........interesting point of view. I don't know, I have always been a "giver", always put everyone else before me. My whole family has always come before me. I didn't realize that I do that. It's just natural for me to do that. I read Autumnal Tones post yesterday (monday) and thought about it till today(tuesday). I even put K's happiness (still) before mine, is that unhealthy?
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  #119  
Old 08-05-2010, 08:57 AM
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Putting others ahead of yourself can be healthy in moderate amounts but when you rarely or never do things for your own happiness it is very unhealthy.

It sounds like you need another one of your hiking camping trips to sort things out.
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  #120  
Old 08-05-2010, 04:37 PM
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Quote:
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I even put K's happiness (still) before mine, is that unhealthy?
I am a pretty heavy giver to those I care about. I live most of my life putting others ahead of myself and have been rewarded nicely. I am lucky because the people I surround myself with are more balanced givers and takers. The problem occurs when a heavy "giver" becomes involved with a heavy "taker". Then the imbalance can result in a lot of manipulation and one sided rewards.
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