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Old 09-20-2012, 02:31 AM
Kraven Kraven is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 26
Default Should I tell her

Seeing as I'm single and poly-minded, when I meet someone...should I tell them I'm poly right away or let things develop naturally?

Last edited by Kraven; 09-20-2012 at 02:48 AM.
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Old 09-20-2012, 03:45 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,863

Personally, speaking for myself and no-one else, I think that letting her know from the outset that you are not interested in an exclusive relationship is a kindness, so she doesn't set up any false expectations.

You don't, in my opinion, need to bring up the word/concept of polyamory until the relationship or conversation takes that turn (although you should be prepared to have that conversation from the minute "non-exclusive" is mentioned...some women ARE looking for monogamous-husband material and, I think, have a right to know from the start that that is not what you are offering.)

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:15 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,139


Before I ever knew the word polyamory I just would tell straight up " I like you. I want to date you. But I'm not looking for anything exclusive. What are you looking for?"

It's part of the whole dating thing and getting on the same page.

It's much easier to part on a good note if they go at the very start "Oh, but I AM looking for exclusive. This won't work."

Then we can just be friends or not friends. But without hard feelings of "You never SAID! At the beginning your never SAID! That's lies of omission! "

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Old 09-20-2012, 04:58 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Definitely tell. Its terrible to start a relationship, even friendship on misconceptions and erroneous assumptions.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 09-20-2012, 12:42 PM
Invi Invi is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 78

Definitely tell. It can be heartbreaking to find out later, when there is emotional investment
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