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  #11  
Old 06-01-2010, 12:00 AM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
For me age is a huge deal. I can't help thinking someone who is the age where I could be their mother is someone I should be involved with sexually.
Yeah, totally agreed.
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  #12  
Old 06-01-2010, 01:45 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I think it depends on what you believe. I have not met anyone that I would consider dating that is younger. I tried it several times and I just got bored and was unable to feel comfortable with little things like them not knowing the music that my generation listened to. Something important to me. I bond on stuff like that.

Call that dogma if you want, whatever, I have come to know that for me, I won't be able to shake that. At least not at this time in my life. Maybe sometime, but not right now.

I get that it works for others, I really do, they seem to place value on different things than me and that is fine.

I can really get into listening to music that is current with my younger friends and go out and do a lot of traditionally "younger" things to do like going to clubs and shows where I am the oldest there. But when it comes to me talking about my past and they just stare at me blankly and blink, I realize that that is somewhere we will not relate and I like to be able to relate to everything. If they weren't even born when I was going to sock hops in the gym in junior high and remember my boyfriend being the best break dancer there, I don't like how I feel as a result. I feel old and like a novelty and that they are just bored and can't relate...

That's really what it is for me,,,, the last bit there that I wrote. I feel I have to cut out the part of my life that came before their conscious life time and I don't like that feeling. I have found no way around it.... the reverse is with someone older. I feel like I don't relate to the time before my conscious life time and feel like a baby.

I hope this makes sense. I am enjoying the opportunity to explore this. Thanks to the OP for letting me get off topic not that you had a choice, but I find all too often that this age thing is just avoided and I decided this time I didn't want to avoid.... I feel I am in a place where I am able to place no judgment on anyone else and can handle other peoples judgment.
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  #13  
Old 06-01-2010, 03:57 AM
saudade saudade is offline
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Default Clarifying my personal policy

For the record, I don't consider myself to be 'dogmatic' :P about the age difference, in that my first thought isn't to do the formula and see how our ages match up. However, in practice I've always kept even closer to my own age than the rule dictates.

DISCLAIMER-- you don't have to agree:

My actual rule could better be stated as only dating within one's own life stage. In high school, I only dated people who were high school age. In college, I only dated people who were college aged. Now I'm a twenty-something professional, so I date other twenty-somethings. It matters to me that my partner in a similar life stage so that he or she is able to consider the same life choices I'm weighing (finishing a degree, or starting a family, or retiring, or...). For example, my girlfriend is finishing her undergraduate degree in a week (), while I've been out in the working world-- we were in college together for two years (and so she got grandfathered in, breaking my guideline). Being in a different place in our lives has been difficult, at least as hard for me to handle as the distance.
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  #14  
Old 06-01-2010, 05:17 AM
Dragonmom Dragonmom is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Thanks to the OP for letting me get off topic not that you had a choice, but I find all too often that this age thing is just avoided and I decided this time I didn't want to avoid.... I feel I am in a place where I am able to place no judgment on anyone else and can handle other peoples judgment.
your very welcome and i don't mind at all. I have enjoyed all the responses.

I think the plan in my mind for now is to just go with it. We are about a million miles away ( well 8000 or so) and we just talk online for now, woohoo for webcams. I have always had younger friends and have dated younger men, none quite this young. We have a lot in common and if nothing else we are going to be great friends. Redwood is older than me and Frosty is the younger one. Redwood and i have lots in common but some things im into he looks at me like i have 2 heads. Frosty would be the one i do the young and crazy stuff with. Redwood is more of the provider type and he is always there for me no matter what, and has been for about 4 years. He loves me and my children and wants to be with us. He knows i had a horrid marriage and 4 months ago ended a 14 month relationship because the guy no longer liked my 7 year old son.

Frosty is young, kinda and sweet. He has in him the stuff that Redwood doesn't. He has piercings and is willing to go with me when i get more and get tattoos, where as watching that sorta stuff makes Red squimish.

I became a mom at 18 and grew up way to fast. I feel like i missed out on alot of stuff and now that my younger kids are getting older i need to go back and do some of those things. I want to live my life without regrets.

I know in my heart i have love for more than one man, and i have tried loving just one and it didn't work. If i'm not happy and healthy for me i cant be happy and healthy for my children. I can't hide who i am and more and if i happen to be crushing on a younger aussie then YAY me
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  #15  
Old 06-02-2010, 12:01 AM
saudade saudade is offline
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Dragonmom- More power to you! Congrats!
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  #16  
Old 06-02-2010, 06:12 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonmom View Post
i have met some one via the internet that sadly is all the way in Australia and he is just a bit (a lot) younger than me.
The way I see it, all it takes is having compatibility in enough areas to make a relationship worthwhile. As I don't expect my wife to meet all of my needs and look to other people when I want to discuss, say music theory or the moral depravity exhibited in libertarian thought, then I don't expect any given partner to fulfill all of my relationship needs.

So, somebody who is much younger could provide enough to make a relationship worthwhile, particularly if that person is very similar to who I was when I was that age. With the understanding that I can't be everything to her, nor her to me, the question of age sort of becomes moot.

And I find myself in that sort of situation currently. I've a friend who is much, much younger than I am with whom there have been some sparks. I've had to stop and figure out if I'm having a mid-life crisis of some sort that would lead me to try to recapture my youth (I'm quite pleased to report that I wouldn't trade who I am now for a younger me in any configuration).

I'm looking forward to seeing how it works out over the next several months.
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  #17  
Old 06-03-2010, 12:30 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I prefer to be on with people who I use the minus half, add seven rule with.
Wow! That's cool! Does that mean that if I'm 53- then I would divide that by 2 which is 26.5 and add 7= 33.5?......that seems young to me and I could be the mother of a 33.5 year old. I'm just curious as to how you calculate that!! I tend to view anyone under 45 as too young for me. On the other hand, though, I am rarely attracted to guys over say around 58. I do have several women friends in their early to mid 60's however who I find to be pretty attractive. It's all interesting !!
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  #18  
Old 06-03-2010, 04:19 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Wow! That's cool! Does that mean that if I'm 53- then I would divide that by 2 which is 26.5 and add 7= 33.5?......
Awww shucks...
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  #19  
Old 06-04-2010, 09:31 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I prefer dating older people than myself. I just always find that younger people aren't "where I'm at." I also find older people tend to have more to teach me, and I love to learn.

I have a big weakness for professors

That being said, most of my classmates think I'm the same age as them, and not the 7 years older that I actually am, and yet I always feel like they're barely out of adolescence... so whatever that's worth, I'm not old and wise enough to know
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  #20  
Old 06-05-2010, 01:48 AM
xFrosty xFrosty is offline
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Hey I personally think that a person should be able to freely choose thier partner and not have to worry about what other people will think a world with too much judgement is a world without freedom, why live in the clasp of society when you can live a life free from boundaries?
Oh btw, I am Frosty. I happen to be Dragonmom's mentioned Frosty
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