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  #1  
Old 05-30-2010, 10:21 PM
Dragonmom Dragonmom is offline
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Default Age difference between partners

I'm totally new to this and currently its just me. I have a dear friend from NY, that should we be closer would have a relationship. We have talked about having a poly relationship when we can be closer to each other. Now my issue is i have met some one via the internet that sadly is all the way in Australia and he is just a bit (a lot) younger than me. I'm not old so its not hard to be a lot younger than me. Where i seem to be having the issues is morally. I mean first off just explaining to people/family that i'm poly is one thing, but trying to explain why one of my partners is barely in his 20's is a whole other ballgame. My friend from NY I'll call Redwood and the younger guy is Frosty.

Last edited by Dragonmom; 05-31-2010 at 12:23 AM.
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Old 05-31-2010, 03:47 AM
saudade saudade is offline
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Default XKCD says..

Honestly, everyone has their own standard on this, and it seems to me to not be about mono or poly at all.

I'm pretty ageist romantically, and I feel fairly comfortable admitting that. XKCD has a rule that sums my thoughts up pretty neatly:
http://xkcd.com/314/

Thing is, in any case, that's me and who I date. You and who you date? That's up to you all.

Good luck making the right decision for you!
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Old 05-31-2010, 06:47 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I like the rule of half your age add seven actually. Someone told me this recently and it worked for me personally.
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Old 05-31-2010, 03:34 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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I think one has to be careful about attaching any fixed guidelines (even in their own head) regarding age differences.
The level of connection we look for doesn't really have an 'age' component as much as an emotional/world outlook component.
Have seen (and been in) wonderful relationships that had an over 20 yr difference. I would never dismiss potential based on a number in advance.

GS
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Old 05-31-2010, 06:31 PM
Dragonmom Dragonmom is offline
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I forgot to mention in my first post that Redwood know about Frosty and has no issues with his age.
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Old 05-31-2010, 06:37 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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For me age is a huge deal. I can't help thinking someone who is the age where I could be their mother is someone I should be involved with sexually. I have some great friends who are younger and I love them dearly, but the sex part is just down right icky to me and I suspect I will not change my mind on this.... just a personal preference... carry on. It goes the other way btw for me too.... I would not be interested in dating someone who is much older either. Friends? Great. All for it, I see no reason to add sex to that. That journey I prefer to be on with people who I use the minus half, add seven rule with. Again, very personal... I don't expect anyone to follow what I do or judge anyone who thinks otherwise. I just am very firm on this for my self after having tried a few things out. As this is a forum of honesty, I'm being honest.
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Old 05-31-2010, 07:03 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
For me age is a huge deal. I can't help thinking someone who is the age where I could be their mother is someone I should be involved with sexually. I have some great friends who are younger and I love them dearly, but the sex part is just down right icky to me and I suspect I will not change my mind on this.... just a personal preference... carry on. It goes the other way btw for me too.... I would not be interested in dating someone who is much older either. Friends? Great. All for it, I see no reason to add sex to that. That journey I prefer to be on with people who I use the minus half, add seven rule with. Again, very personal... I don't expect anyone to follow what I do or judge anyone who thinks otherwise. I just am very firm on this for my self after having tried a few things out. As this is a forum of honesty, I'm being honest.
I pretty much wrote the same thing but deleted it...I have a difficult time imagining dating or getting personal with someone in their early 20's. I work with and live with people in this age group in abundance and its rare that I find myself able to relate to them.

There is the odd one that surprises me, so it is possible I suppose. Although rare.

If redwood has no problems with it, and you don't see a problem, than I am the last person to make any judgements.
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Old 05-31-2010, 07:47 PM
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My age restrictions are few. If met a soul-mate at 50 years old(i'm 25) then i'd see where it goes, :/ I'm also pansexual, and don't really have a lot of traditional thoughts though. Anyway, good luck with your balancing, i'm sure you'll figure out what right for you
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Old 05-31-2010, 10:03 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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For me it depends a lot more on mental maturity than physical. I have dated people 15 years my senior and 25 years younger, and have had very good relationships with both. There are some people who are the same age as me who I could not date because they were too old.
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  #10  
Old 05-31-2010, 11:23 PM
marnen marnen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I like the rule of half your age add seven actually. Someone told me this recently and it worked for me personally.
Wow! I hope I never get that dogmatic. I'm most comfortable going after partners close to my own age, but if I find someone otherwise compatible, I'm not going to let a big age gap stop me.

My parents were outside the a/2 + 7 range when they started dating (31 and 20) and stayed together for about 28 years.
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