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  #11  
Old 06-01-2010, 01:25 AM
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Originally Posted by pyxiegrl View Post
Being how you are bi would you consider a girlfriend for the both of you? Not just his or yours but one girl for the both of you? As in anything communication and respect must there and remember that you and your fiance are the primary.
This seems to be a common question. A woman for both of us, hmmmm, if you think about it, it's probably unlikely you will find this. It happens, but is short lived and hard to find.... they are called "unicorns" for that reason. Do a search on here to find out more.

Usually one person is not into the other in the long run and the relationship ends because there is the heart ache of someone being left out. It's easier to find someone that suits you. Your partner could do the same.

Sure, you will find someone that will have sex with you both perhaps, but when it comes to something more deep than that, it's not the same thing. Perhaps the sex is all you want and if so, some swinging might be an idea.... although swinging didn't work for me, I am more of and involved connected, deep lover than swinging allowed. It's more about getting off on someones body. It will fulfill the image of your spouse having sex with another or you doing it for them to see though. Alcohol and swinging can sometimes mean that someone might not be as aware of what they are doing as if they were sober. That could also lead to some issues too.

Really, it seems poly with good results seems to be in finding someone on your own....
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  #12  
Old 06-01-2010, 02:38 PM
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Well I'll admit I'm new to this whole polyamory thing. I do know a bit about it. When my husband first brought the subject up I did do some research on it. I'm not sure whether you read my introduction or not, but it explains more there. I understand the difference between swinging and poly. I do have a friend that grew up in as a child in a poly lifestyle and him and his girlfriend continue that too. They have a girl friend that they share and it works for them. This is really the only real life experience I have of a poly lifestyle.

As I said I am not bi, so there is a lot I don't understand. I guess I imagine it easier than not. Maybe that's based on my friend. I also know what my husband and I are looking for. I understand that what we want will probably be harder to find then not. I also know that our relationship is not ready for it, yet.

As far as the "advice" that I gave, that's all it is. Just an idea. For me, I think it would be easier to have someone that everyone invovled gets along even friends. I understand that not everyone can do that. I also understand where she is coming from about being bi. I'm on the other side of that. Like I said it was just a thought. I understand it sounds easier than it actually is. But I think any relationship, monogamous poly friendships family, requires work. There are going to be issues, jealousy, anger, fights. Its the matter of who has the communication skill to be able to keep those relationships and work on them.
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  #13  
Old 06-01-2010, 03:21 PM
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I don't understand pyxie, you are not bi but you want to share? If you were looking for a woman to share it would mean physically. You also mention that you would want to be friends with her. Do you mean that you would prefer your man find a woman that you like. Two entirely different things.

I am wondering if you have read much on poly yet, like on here. I suggest that you do so as to pick up an understanding of what poly is about. I hope you read this post and realize there is not meant to be a tone. Just for the sake of keeping confusion at bay and for your own interest it might help. There are many ways to be poly, not just your friends.
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  #14  
Old 06-01-2010, 03:54 PM
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I am not bi. My husband is. We have come to the conclusion that what would work best for us is another couple. We have a family and love our family unit. For our interest personally we would like another couple, either commited or married that would understand that we have children and a family unit. We aren't just looking for someone or another couple to have sex with. We want something beyond that. Another couple that we could go do things with.

My husband has always had the option of having a boyfriend because he would be finding something that I could not give. The same how fauxsisticated. Though when we came to that conclusion we had also agreed that I would have to "approve". Mainly someone that understood our family again and that could be part of our family.

In no ways have I asked my husband to find a girl like me. We are not at the point to find another couple yet. It is something that we are actively talking about though. There are still details that we have to work out.

My whole point to fauxsiscated was that I'm on the flip side of where she's at. I'm on her fiance's side. I'm not into girls, have no interest in a girlfriend. She's actively looking for a girl to fulfill that which her fiance cannot give her. I understand that and can appreciate that. If we had opened up our relationship from the beginning and I had found a guy and my husband had none, I would imagine he would feel a little like her. We have prior had the agreement that he could have a boyfriend. I had told him that I would enjoy if it was someone that would occasionally enjoy both of our company in the bedroom but that ultimately it was his boyfriend. Though that I would like this person to be more part of the family then just my husband's boyfriend. That has always been a point for me.

This is how I feel though. This may not be for everyone. Maybe I'm confused about polyamory still and I admit that I am new to this. But this part of why I am on this board as well as reading other sites. My thought to fauxsiscated was mainly just how I feel being the other straight person, like her fiance.

Mainly I do not want to share a girl with my husband. We would like to "share" another couple. I had suggested that fauxsiscated share a girl for the both of them, as this was kind of the arrangement my husband and I had. More that we would share him emotionally and maybe occasionally physically.
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  #15  
Old 06-01-2010, 04:17 PM
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I'm still confused as to why you would share a couple if you don't intend to be intimate with them pyxie. I get it a bit better now, but the part I am not understanding and have a concern about is that anyone you meet to begin this kind of relationship might get hurt if they are expecting your closeness sexually when you don't intend to give it.
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  #16  
Old 06-01-2010, 04:33 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Redpepper,

She said "We aren't just looking for someone or another couple to have sex with. We want something beyond that." The way I understood it is that Pyxie wants to have sex with the other GUY of the hypothetical couple, and her husband can have sex with them both, or just the other female if the other guy isn't also into men.
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  #17  
Old 06-01-2010, 04:36 PM
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I never said that we wouldn't get intimiate with them. Hence the idea of another couple. We're not just looking for another person to fulfill the need for sex. We are looking for something much more. The reason we would like another couple is for the understanding of our relationship and marriage. I'm sure again, it sounds easier in our heads then it actually will be. I know we'll find bumps in the road along the way.

The point is I'm not bi. I do not enjoy having sex with women, just doesn't do it for me. I have tried it before. I'm not just coming at this from no knowledge. I am open sexually to many things though. I am very open to my husbands sexuality and am the first girl to ever be. This is part of why he loves me so much.

Honestly our dream would be to find another couple where the man is bi also. But we know that is just a dream. We'll see what comes to us but we know we also can be very picky about what we want. We want to find people that just don't fulfill our sexual needs but also emotionally. This is maybe why you are confused about what I want. That we are looking for something much more than sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Redpepper,

She said "We aren't just looking for someone or another couple to have sex with. We want something beyond that." The way I understood it is that Pyxie wants to have sex with the other GUY of the hypothetical couple, and her husband can have sex with them both, or just the other female if the other guy isn't also into men.
Yes this is right. Thank you. Sorry for any confusion. Like I said, I talk alot.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-01-2010 at 05:44 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #18  
Old 06-01-2010, 07:05 PM
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Ah, got it. Thanks... I think really I was the one who was confused.... it happens.
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  #19  
Old 06-08-2010, 12:50 PM
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I asked my fiancÚ, and he acquiesced to me contacting the girl in question. She and I exchanged a few emails back and forth, and I felt instantly better. I mean, instantaneous. She and the fiancÚ were both in the Rocky Horror cast in our city at various times, so I suggested we could all meet up and go see it sometime, as I've still never been! (A 24 year old virgin... Woof!) I am very interested in meeting her. I know I won't be a horse's ass in person. I'm far too polite when face to face. She's also interested in watching David Lynch movies, so I invited her over for a movie night sometime as well.

And we talked about the safe sex issues yet again. I was a lot more blunt about my concerns, (sometimes it's a matter of really, really driving a point home that I feel shouldn't have to be spelled about, but whatcanyado?,) and he did promise to wrap it up. For the record, I do use dental dams. I got a bunch of em from Planned Parenthood some months back, well before we even decided to open up our relationship. And I use gloves for vaginal perforation. Note to those reading: do NOT, I repeat, do NOT use those yellow, rubber kitchen gloves for kinky funtimes. The texturized groove on the fingertips is super abrasive!

But yeah, things are looking up. After going on a few lousy dates with flaky and/or crazy girls, I spoke with a "male" friend of mine just fresh out of a relationship. ("Male" because he's also genderqueer/trans-ish/gender fluid -- a major plus!) He and I finally spoke of a mutual interest in each other, (he's one of my tattoo clients, and we've both been in relationships, so I've been hesitant to say anything,) so who knows? We might both wind up dating someone of the opposite sex. Crazier things have happened. Maybe that, too will help me feel less psycho.

And we have considered finding the wily and elusive unicorn for ourselves, but I know how rare a species they are, and are probably best left to more ambitious poachers If something like that were to fall into our laps, great, but it's not something I'm actively seeking. I dated a girl that my fiancÚ and I had a few threesomes with, but she's a (very open-minded) lesbian, so it amounted more to me doing stuff to both of them, them doing stuff to me, him doing some stuff to her, but she wanted nothing to do with him. It was pretty awkward. I dunno... Like I said, if it stumbles into our path, cool, if not, cool.
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  #20  
Old 06-08-2010, 01:28 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fauxsisticated View Post
And I use gloves for vaginal perforation.
You mean "vaginal penetration". "Perforation" means "to put holes in something". "Penetration" means to "put something into a hole".

One does not put a hole in a vagina. Vaginas come already equipped with holes and one puts something in them.

I think it's important to use the correct word to describe an action.
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