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Old 05-23-2014, 05:37 AM
Onepolyvirgo Onepolyvirgo is offline
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 1
Default New to poly could use sown advice

I am new to the poly world not the idea, I have been involved with the same partner for 5 years steady now for almost 2. He is my best friend. I tell him everything, I know he has other woman he sees and is close to, one whom he loves dearly. I don't mind and have recently talked to him about making a poly commitment to the both if us..he seemed open enough however I get the hint that he is nervous about telling her or asking her straight up.
She know about me and is very jealous of me already. I would never do anything to hurt their relationship...I know she brigs something special to his life as do I..

I want to make this poly thing work it's pretty unofficial at this point.

Not sure that he will ever really ask her in fear of her leaving him,

I would like to explore this part of my fear is even though we are best friends I will end up secondary that scares me.
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Old 05-23-2014, 12:54 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,720

Not sure what you desired outcome is so it's hard to advise anything.

Mostly at this time? He's asking her out. Her response is unknown. Just you being up for talking it over and participating in a polyship doesn't automatically mean the others are.

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Old 05-26-2014, 05:56 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,057

If you've been involved with him for 5 years, "steady" for 2, while you know about her and she knows about you... what further commitment need there be? You're all already in a polyamorous vee.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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Old 05-26-2014, 10:47 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Are you concerned she will issue an ultimatum? Try to force him to choose?
-Me: 51, female, relationship anarchist
-The Philosopher: semi-LDR, 44, male - my intellectual twin; relationship anarchist.
-Intellectual Elf, 27, female, the Philosopher's LDR
-Polkadot, 36, dating the Philosopher
-Wiseman, 68, male, solo-poly, my budding LDR
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