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  #241  
Old 08-16-2011, 04:50 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yul View Post
I have another thread going about how some of the opposite sex people I meet in casual encounters soon give up contact since they know I am in a relationship.

I mean even just trying to maintain friendship with opposite sex is not that easy.

I DO have a few successes in that field but it's really a long shot...

Am I wrong? Should I be more patient? Should I approach this differently?

I do make it clear that I am allowed to have opposite sex friends within my
couple.

I am asking because I am trying to stay away from the usual bar scene and try to meet everyday girls around my workplace etc...

Thanks!
It's perverse, frustrating, and very Zen, but I've never, ever found someone when I was looking. It's always when I wasn't looking that the spark lit the tinder and a relationship took off. There's that whole "desperation" vibe that goes with looking, and people pick up on that. It's hard to do, but just be yourself, talk to people, and really, really LISTEN, and sooner or later, you'll strike that spark.

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  #242  
Old 08-16-2011, 02:07 PM
yul yul is offline
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Anyone would like to answer my original question please?
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  #243  
Old 08-16-2011, 03:11 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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Okay, I get the question now. Yes, probably a long shot. If you're looking for someone that you know, up front, is open to poly, it probably won't happen easily. People don't just go around wearing that on their sleeves.

Last edited by Jade; 08-16-2011 at 03:14 PM.
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  #244  
Old 08-16-2011, 03:33 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yul View Post
Anyone would like to answer my original question please?
I was asking your original question.. or a question in your original post:

"Am I wrong? Should I be more patient? Should I approach this differently?"

And yes, I think you should approach this differently and yes I think you should be more patient.

I also think approaching people in your workplace is odd. I myself would find it off-putting to be flirted with and approached at work, it's not professional. Plus I'd never date someone from work because if it doesn't work out your workplace is uncomfortable.

If you want to approach people that are open to poly-- you need to approach poly type people at palces where poly people hang out. The average normal, run of the mill individual probably hasn't heard of it and probably will not be comfortable with it. Most of the time non-poly type people only open up to the idea if they meet someone they really click with and develop some feelings for and learn that they are poly. They will sometimes "try it out" because of the feelings they feel for the person. Or, by hearing the idea, it will sound interesting and logical and, why not (poly people who don't know they're poly yet )

Also, unfortunately, unless someone has gotten to know you as a person (friend, whatever) first, your proclamation that you are allowed to have relationships with other women will seem creepy. Too many women have had men claim to be single, or in open relationships when in fact they are cheating. It sucks, but it happens a lot. That's why getting to know someone first, and having them get to know and trust you is important.

And, just as a side note and this is only pertaining to ME personally, I don't do well with random people approaching me with the "intent" to date. I need to be around people in another environment, get to know them, hang around them and maybe gain some interest before I'm even open to that sort of thing. Again, just me...
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  #245  
Old 08-18-2011, 10:22 PM
yul yul is offline
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Thanks! By workplace I meant people I meet throughout my work day, not work colleagues. I mean when I take breaks in the lobby and the people I meet at neighbouring offices...but anyhow, I need to reflect on your comments. Thanks!
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  #246  
Old 08-21-2011, 03:45 PM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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I am lucky to be in a community where personal empowerment is looked upon as a good thing. There are so many openly poly folks here that finding someone who is open to poly is a non-issue. One of the greatest strengths is that people in my community who are mono have actually had to confront that "other things" are possibilities and decided to be mono.

Anyway, I didn't get here by accident. It was a conscious decision and a plan. I refused, and have refused, to deal with intolerant people in general. Everything I do, I am open about and have had nothing but good results from it. Someone earlier said "People don't generally wear that [poly] on their sleeve." I do, and it's been rewarding for me.
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  #247  
Old 08-26-2011, 12:32 AM
yul yul is offline
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Default Is talking/flirting with strangers acceptable for many of you?

Hello, I am just curious.

I have a strong tendency to talk to girls that I find attractive. I have been doing this all my life (mainly when single and somewhat now as well).

Now I am in a LTR and slowly opening up the relationship but want to know about what level of liberties other people find acceptable.

From many I read here that poly came by accident or something beyond their control (such as a friendship that evolved).

In my case, I have no such relations but like to explore other avenues, not necessarily sexual but like to get intimate with other people.

Therefore, I am severely tempted to approach women in the street, supermarket, bars etc when we exchange glances, smiles etc and get their facebook etc...

This has worked for me in the past but wonder how you people would react to this?

If am very much committed to my SO but am very excited at the idea of flirting and such and meeting new people.

If my SO were to do something like this, I would probably be somewhat worried but I think I could deal with that since I now she loves me very much.

Thanks!
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  #248  
Old 08-26-2011, 01:10 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Well DH and I are both flirtatious people by nature. So for us it's acceptable and any SO we get with will have to accept that,
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  #249  
Old 08-26-2011, 02:07 AM
IsntLifeFun IsntLifeFun is offline
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My gf (don't really thinks she needs that titlte, but what else do I refer to her as?), anyway, she's very flirty, it's in her nature. I just remind myself of that occasionally.
I can be too, I just learned not to be after being married for so long and wanting to prevent myself from having any feelings for anyone else. Fuck that I'm going to be me.
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  #250  
Old 08-26-2011, 02:26 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I have always been a flirt and always will be a flirt. Same for my ex-husband. Neither of us ever felt weird about that, flirting and having attractions is natural and healthy. Whether I'm in a mono or poly relationship, that won't change. The only difference is that, when you're poly, possibilities are there that weren't before and you can follow through and let someone know you're serious (if you are). Whatever type of committed relationship you're in, you act appropriate to the situation. Just because a relationship is now opened up doesn't mean you have to try to pick people up or nail anything that moves.
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Last edited by nycindie; 08-26-2011 at 03:51 AM.
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