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  #181  
Old 03-16-2011, 06:04 AM
Loveisshadesofgrey Loveisshadesofgrey is offline
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Thank you for the welcome!

I was hoping that maybe when I start college in May it'd help, but I'm not sure. I'm nervous that it's going to be a lot like high school. From what I see with the people my age that I work with it seems like not much has changed. They're still immature little boys and girls that don't know what they want and that liked to play drama games.

There's a big city about 2 hours north of me where I think they have monthly Poly group meetings that I can attend, so hopefully that'll work out, but outside of that I'm pretty lost, hence the post.
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  #182  
Old 03-16-2011, 10:41 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Oy, what a familiar feeling! Hullo and warm welcome!

Do a tag search on 'dating', 'unicorns' and 'triads'. OkCupid is a poly-friendly dating site, I've personally had very good experiences with it. Also, I'm going to pass on advice I got when I first logged on to this site; 'Don't get obsessed as a single woman over the particular relationship-formation you think you need'. I was convinced I needed to become a part of an existing couple to have the Ultimate Poly Experience, that I needed to be with at least one woman, and that I was totally uninterested in anyone in the BDSM scene. Guess how many of those convictions I have kept?
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  #183  
Old 03-16-2011, 11:44 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1830
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  #184  
Old 03-16-2011, 10:09 PM
Loveisshadesofgrey Loveisshadesofgrey is offline
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Oh, how embarrassing. I should have payed more attention to what was right in front of my face post/sticky wise. I hadn't realized there was already something like this here~

Thank you, Black Unicorn!

The relationship possibilities are what I'm most excited about.
Weird as it is, BDSM came before poly for me. Though I've had an interest in both for a long time, I explored myself there more before even considering being in a threesome. Not that I hadn't had my fantasies mind you, but I'd never even considered making them reality until recently.
I'll have to check out OkCUpid and see what I can find through there, definitely.
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Last edited by Loveisshadesofgrey; 03-16-2011 at 10:15 PM.
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  #185  
Old 03-17-2011, 11:27 AM
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Ah, threesomes. Still have to wrap my head around those. Okay, slightly off-topic but are they really worth the effort? And would it be advisable to first have one-on-one sex with both prospective threesome partners before attempting to add more limbs to the mix? That would be my natural inclination, anyway.
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  #186  
Old 03-17-2011, 02:48 PM
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There is also the tag "vees" that might bring something up also.
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  #187  
Old 03-19-2011, 01:50 PM
FireWater FireWater is offline
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Default Being Single & Finding Poly-Friendly Partners

Hey all,

I'm single and almost all of the women I meet aren't poly and don't seem to want to be. I feel like when I break my poly-ness to them they look at me as if I'm a horrible person.

My strategy right now is to date for a little while and then break it to them.

Does anybody have any advice for breaking your polyamory to potential partners?
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  #188  
Old 03-19-2011, 02:37 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Hey Firewater,

Keep in mind that polyamory has very little awareness in the general public. And half those people confuse it with swinging, open relationships, commitment avoidance etc.

So it's not so wise to go hanging this giant board around your neck proclaiming your connection to some relatively unknown 'label'.

I suggest just letting relationships flow & build until it comes to that eventual topic of commitment and exclusivity. And that topic will come up. It always does.
At that point you can share your feelings of ' not believing in monogamy', how you understand it to be unnatural and something with an overall poor track record.
Of course, then you must walk the fire line too. If monogamy is not for YOU, it's also not for your partner. So you better be capable of walking the walk - not just the talk.

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  #189  
Old 03-19-2011, 02:39 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Be up front about it. I'm sure a lot of these women feel like you're leading them on by not saying anything when things are really casual. After dating for a while they most likely have monogamy in their heads (since that tends to be the default in our society).

Another option is to join a local poly group and meet people there. If you start working on building a social group of like-minded people the chances of meeting someone who you click with, who is also poly, rise dramatically.

Good luck!
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  #190  
Old 03-19-2011, 04:43 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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My chosen approach would most likely to ask them quite casually if they are seeing anyone else atm, or if/when talking about past relationships, bring up how I encouraged my previous partners to date others while we were together, something like that. Of course, it's always safest to try getting together with people in situations which are by definition polyamory-friendly. MrFarFromRight has posted stuff of related interest to you, I believe.
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