What do you call your secondaries?

[TL4everu2]

We don't have any currently.

[SayYes]

I've been trying to figure this one out, too. I just use his name as much as possible, but of course there are those situations where you're talking to people who don't know the others in your life by name, and it's more natural to use a descriptor like my husband/boyfriend/partner/etc. I refuse to say "friend," because I don't want to downplay/be secretive about anything. For a while I used to say "guy I'm seeing" or something like that, but that seems too casual now. So generally I end up saying boyfriend, even though I'm not fond of the term.

[saudade]

I have two partners, a girlfriend, and a friend with benefits. Good luck on explaining yourself!

[TL4everu2]

I immagine that I will call them "Hey you". LOL

[somebody]

Originally Posted by tinx

I'm currently debating this with my [fill in the blank] - what exactly do we call each other? What do you call your secondaries?

When I speak to vanillas (we are not out) I call her my girlfriend (girlfriend, you rock!). He is a friend.

Amongst ourselves or those few who know, she is wife. The wife moniker actually stemmed from a joke. My Zumba instructor had a partner class. DH agreed to come. He got "sick." So she came instead. Later, in facebook there was a great deal of kidding around with said Zymba instructor about how every woman needs a wife. The joking was largely around domestic matters and helping out when your man lets you down. We thought it was funny since we are romantically involved. But in any event, I would marry her in a minute. So it still works.


He is boyfriend, lover... DH calls her girlfriend.

I guess I had better get over to introductions...

S

[MonoVCPHG]

As a secondary for over 17 months, I am quite happy with boyfriend. I find it respectful to me and recognizes the unique connection Redpepper has with her husband. I am her boyfriend in a secondary relationship

[SchrodingersCat]

I agree that boyfriend and girlfriend are appropriate, and partner if it's "more serious."

Basically, whatever term you would otherwise use if you weren't poly should be fine if you are.

[cailet]

for me and hubby it is a strange situation. i call hubby, my husband hubby etc. or else by his name. my other guy who is very serious with me. He gets called by his name or else with people who know he is my boyfriend. He calls me his weekend wife (he is single) because we basically live together on the weekends. I stay at his house. my hubby has his girl i call her the girlfriend or else hubby's playtoy. Again it all depends on the audience of who you are presenting your other too.

[rpcrazy]

I always liked the term "partner"

[LovingRadiance]

I've been paying attention to this more since I first answered the question.
The truth is I call him M'ebe when we are home or in public and I'm talking to him, which is my pet name for him.
If I'm introducing him, I call him by his given name.

At boyscouts I refer to him as "the boys uncle" because they have always identified him as their uncle. The ROLE he takes in their life is very similar to the role my sister has taken in their life. COMMONLY people who are only in our lives due to scouts or home school activities identify GG and Em as the kids "aunt and uncle" in a way that suggests that they are a couple.
We don't bother to correct it.These people are peripherally involved in our lives, never invited home with us or anything like that.

But if someone asks in the adult social circles we are involved in, I just tell them he's my bestfriend or boyfriend based on what is most likely to be comfortable for HIM and for Maca.

For example-at church, best friend; Maca's work-best friend; random adults at grocery store, boyfriend; hospital/dr. offices, boyfriend.

The hospital brings up another interesting technicality. I made a point of identifying him as my boyfriend and doing all the paperwork that he was my emergency contact because I want him to have the right to be at my side if needed. Maca HAS those rights. As my husband those rights are guaranteed to him-and that makes me VERY VERY happy. But, I don't want GG left out of the loop because he's not my husband. He's a critical and integral part of my life and my heart-he should be side by side with Maca as Maca's supporting friend if anything were to go wrong.