What is polyamorous love?

[MonoVCPHG]

Nice topic!

I'm on a phone so point form it is
- I have different ways of loving.
- Romantic/intimate love carries with it the desire but not a "need" to have sex and physical intimacy.
- "in love" refers to the love that creates the desire to have sex and physical closeness.
- I am only "in love" with one person at a time.
- As can be surmised from my last statement, I can be "in love" but fall out of being "in love" .
- people I have been "in love"with usually have a place in my heart but wanting to share myself sexually or have physical closeness with them is no longer a part of that love which remains.
- just because I have been in love with someone does not mean I will ever want to see them again.
- If I am not in love with you I don't want physical closeness with you..."sit next to me but don't sit on my lap or put your arm around me" so to speak LOL!
-knowing I love some one and the way I love them is completely natural to me. There is no blurriness anymore.

[catbird]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

Yea Endicott,

I feel love 'varies' because the people who are engaged in it are unique.......It's like chocolate. It's all good and it's all different.

GS

Seems like that to me. Each lover is unique. The love we make necessarily has to be unique too. Romance can't be defined, there is no universal.

[dragonflysky]

Originally Posted by Endicott

Saudade
That would be me. I am a fan of Heinlein, though I prefer Glory Road, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress and Methuselah's Children over Stranger in a Strange Land. Great work, but like Lord of the Rings, went on waay to long.

Don't get me started on Starship Troopers. The movie destroyed the book

Off topic, but its always a treat to find another fan.

Thx

Let's hear it for "grok"! LOL "Stranger in a Strange Land" was one of the ways my poly man introduced me to the concept of polyamory. For me, it made "sense" more than any straight intellectual discussion of polyamory.

[rpcrazy]

It's totally not different. Just different concepts differentiating each relationship dynamic.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by rpcrazy

It's totally not different for me. Just different concepts differentiating each relationship dynamic.

hmmm I assume this is what started the other thread?

I fixed your quote for you. I am glad it is not different for you. But it is very different for me. The love I feel for my wife is entirely and emphatically different than the one I feel for my best friend (not my ex, just another wonderful woman in my life)...this love is also different from how I feel for my cousin, or mom, or dog, or cat.

It is not simply a difference in relationship dynamics for me.

[rpcrazy]

haha, thx for the edit ;p Actually, it was another thread on another forum that led me to write the thread on here.

My above post was related to the OP comparison of "poly love" vs. "mono love". And imho, like you've mentioned, I feel one isn't really different from the other. But of course there are different kinds of love!

[saudade]

(Context: I first shared how I understand 'love' in my life on the second page of replies to this thread. If this post is unduly confusing, you might want to skip back and read it.)

Given that I perceive the love I have for each person in my constellation as a completely unique beast, one which has been built out of all of our interactions over time... I think that's a large part of the incentive for me to be poly.

If every love I had felt like the same love, being monogamous would probably bother me less. I'd be able to find a suitable life partner who I could love and would love me, and that love would feel just the same as my love for any other potential partner, so I wouldn't be missing out by not loving them. I could have all the companionship I wanted for practical reasons (so my husband hates backgammon, but my coworker loves it like I do, so he and I can play once a week), but loving more than one person wouldn't matter as much. It'd just be more of the same kind of love, which would be swell but not of vital importance.

As I actually live, my love with each person in my life is wildly different, and it's hard to pass on connecting with someone I could feasibly build love with because I know it's not something I already have.

Does that make any sense? Does anyone else operate this way?

[SayYes]

Originally Posted by saudade

(Context: I first shared how I understand 'love' in my life on the second page of replies to this thread. If this post is unduly confusing, you might want to skip back and read it.)

Given that I perceive the love I have for each person in my constellation as a completely unique beast, one which has been built out of all of our interactions over time... I think that's a large part of the incentive for me to be poly.

If every love I had felt like the same love, being monogamous would probably bother me less. I'd be able to find a suitable life partner who I could love and would love me, and that love would feel just the same as my love for any other potential partner, so I wouldn't be missing out by not loving them. I could have all the companionship I wanted for practical reasons (so my husband hates backgammon, but my coworker loves it like I do, so he and I can play once a week), but loving more than one person wouldn't matter as much. It'd just be more of the same kind of love, which would be swell but not of vital importance.

As I actually live, my love with each person in my life is wildly different, and it's hard to pass on connecting with someone I could feasibly build love with because I know it's not something I already have.

Does that make any sense? Does anyone else operate this way?

Makes total sense to me, and is maybe one of the best summaries I've read of my own feelings. It's precisely because each relationship (and the way I feel about each relationship) is so unique that I find monogamy impossible. If it were all just more of the same feeling, I don't think I personally would have a difficult time being satisfied with only one partner.

[rpcrazy]

where you do make sense...it's important to be aware that not everyone has the same concept of "love" as you do in your explanation. Some people love people for what they represent. It is a interpersonal relationship with subjective ties.

For instance, a g/f made a comment to me regarding her ex.
"I feel like i'm replacing him, you live me, we sleep in the same bed, we spend all our time together."
The logic displayed here is indicative of a different type of feeling than what you describe.

[SchrodingersCat]

Little Girl: "Mommy, What's an orgasm?"

Mum: "Sweetie, if you have to ask, then you won't understand the answer..."