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  #1  
Old 05-18-2010, 11:32 PM
SouthernBelle SouthernBelle is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: South Carolina
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Default Hello, polyamory world!

I admit it: I am a forum lurker. Not just on this message board, but I'm more of a researcher and less a "get involved" type. I resolve not to do that here.

If I use labels, it's not because I like them and only for ease in communication. Take them with a grain of salt.

I'm also very wordy. I strive for brevity but work hard to make sure I'm communicating clearly. So, apologies in advance.... If you can imagine this all said with a southern drawl, you have me in a nutshell.

About me: My journey here has taken 33 years, but I have come such a long way. I was raised as a Southern Baptist. As such, I grew up only knowing that sex outside of marriage was unacceptable and that, within marriage, well....it's an easy way to get children. Appropriate relationships were with someone of the opposite gender and similar racial and social backgrounds. And since I'm HERE, you can imagine that didn't sit well with me.

I feel like I have literally clawed my way to this space. I have been married, divorced, and involved in a wide variety of relationships. I am currently involved in a newly-open relationship with a woman who has been my primary partner for just over three years. I am bisexual, and I admit to having had more difficulty coming to terms with THAT than with loving women on their own.

I am not new to the idea of polyamory and have long flirted with it being part of my life. I have gone through all the normal questions and concerns everyone else seems to have, but the overriding emotion now is one of relief.

I have recently been trying to take an honest look at my past, and it's been one of bouncing from one relationship to another. My partners have all been vastly different. Gender doesn't seem to play a huge part in whom I've ended up with. I am coming to accept, though, that this "bouncing" is probably a result of my complete inability to be consistently happy in a long-term, monogamous relationship.

My current partner and I, through multiple and ongoing discussions, decided that relationships outside our own are acceptable. Where we differ is in the nature of the relationship. Though she's content in the idea that she is the one I come home to each night, she would prefer to know nothing about my encounters and she would prefer that they remain only physical. Since this is pretty new to both of us, I can't say how open she would be to us having "full" relationships with other people in addition to each other. Obviously, we still have plenty of communicating that needs to be done, as I'm sure we always will.

I'm currently in a FWB situation with a guy, and though the physical part IS amazing, I find the lack of emotional connection to be hollow and unfulfilling. My best guess is the FWB relationship will fade away, but....who knows? I'm trying not to focus on him and his own issues; he will make his own decisions. I know I need to focus my energy on myself and in creating a life where I finally feel a bit less frantic and a bit more centered.

So, I don't really have any questions or answers for any of you. Please know that I am happy to be here and find reading this forum to be extraordinarily soothing. I'm looking forward to meeting others of like mind and am happy for any conversation that might come my way!
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  #2  
Old 05-19-2010, 01:15 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Welcome.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #3  
Old 05-19-2010, 01:19 AM
sumsumsum sumsumsum is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Southwest
Posts: 34
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Well hey Darlin'!

I am new too.

I am enjoying hearing all the stories!

Thanks for posting!

sumx3
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  #4  
Old 05-19-2010, 03:39 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
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Hello from the Deep South!!!
Welcome and glad you are here!!!
Keep posting so we can stay informed about the process you are going through!!!
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The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
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  #5  
Old 05-19-2010, 07:38 PM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central NJ
Posts: 241
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WELCOME!! Thanks for not being a "researcher" anymore. Look forward to hearing more about you and your situation.
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Live life to the fullest 'cause you never know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow!
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Old 05-19-2010, 08:21 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Welcome to the forums
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Old 05-20-2010, 03:09 PM
Appolyon Appolyon is offline
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Location: Central Oregon
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Shalom, sister. Welcome!!!
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