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  #21  
Old 09-06-2012, 01:06 AM
Invi Invi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
You have been thru my suggestions and other people's and explaining why not so or not yet.

How about making a post listing CAN DO NOWS then? To help your mindset? And sort some of those others into piles of "DO THIS YEAR" and "DO NEXT YEAR" or whenever the time break out is. Then you can feel better knowing some things WILL come down the pipeline for you. Like NOW, medium and longer out things for yourself.

hugs,
GG
Hm. Can.

Now I can;
-Take more time for myself. I may need to ask for this time, but he will not deny it; he knows I need it.
-Learn to focus on the positive things in life. He has other partners, but he comes home to me.
-Learn what the root of my jealousy is. No one can do this for me, but I can do it myself, no matter how long it takes.

This year I can;
-Work on the above.
-Make noticeable progress. I made the decision when asked for him to move up one of his dates, though it was for my own benefit, even though bringing it closer made me uncomfortable. Before, I would not have considered it.
-Network online. This is not something I really want to do, I guess. I'm awkward with people, and I don't really want to make a bunch of friends on the basis of, we all have kids. It does seem harder to make friends online, locally, based on other interests, though. It's not like I can (well, COULD, but I doubt they'd appreciate it) bring my four month old baby to political functions, even if I get get there and back.

I really don't know.

Next year I can;
-Hopefully visit family. I did this in December when I was pregnant, and it helped me to see how much I wanted to be back home with my boyfriend, though I did enjoy the trip. This was at a point in our relationship when I was scared, and had been contemplating leaving. When I left, he was making jokes that I may decide not to come back.
-Go out more often as our son's need to nurse as frequently is reduced.
-Perhaps be comfortable having a friend (assuming I have made one, or someone I used to work with wants to) watch the baby now and then, giving his father and I some time actually to ourselves, as opposed to our current once-weekly date nights, obviously with the baby, at home.

This needs more work. I'm not good at this sort of thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I haven't thought about baby land in a while -- thanks for the nostalgia visit.

But you hang in there at the front end of your parenting journey -- take deep breaths and remember you tend not just a baby but YOUR buckets too -- mental health, emotional health, physical health, spiritual health.

Put your OWN oxygen mask on first. Otherwise you can't help anyone else well much less yourself.

hugs,

GG

You're welcome, and thank you. I think I need that reminder more often. More times than I like to admit, I have forgotten a meal because the baby just wanted so much attention. I can't feed him if I am not eating well myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
...

Its critical for baby and daddy to bond. Like gg said, if 30 min is his comfort zone now, do that a cpl times each evening this week, bext week, 40 min twice an evening.

I also found that if I put a nursing blanket between me and baby when feeding, then gAve it to daddy, baby was calmer. This worked well with the preemie I Watched also. Mommy slept with a nursing blanket tucked inside her clothes, then gave it to me when she dropped baby off. Baby smelled mommy and was calmed.
The blanket thing is something I need to do more often, definitely. I'll try to remember that.
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  #22  
Old 09-06-2012, 01:11 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Also, remind yourself, this all consuming attention time with baby IS TEMPORARY. Its hard when ur in the midst of it, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it does get easier.

Another thing i did, was put baby in carseat and i would take a bath while they sat secure in the carseat on the floor next to the tub. It sounds silly- but really it was a godsend sometimes!
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  #23  
Old 09-06-2012, 02:38 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I didn't use a car seat -- we had a baby vibrating chair/covert to rocker thingie that I used in same fashion.

My mother found this very funny because when *I* was the baby she would lock the bathroom door, make sure nothing was out that could hurt me and throw some socks on the floor for me to mess with and take the fastest shower ever with the shower curtain open so she could watch me with one eye.

Everyone manages. Be creative if you have to.

Quote:
This needs more work. I'm not good at this sort of thing.
Print your list and put it on the bathroom mirror.

And keep checking on it and updating it each month. You may find OTHER "can do" along the way as baby grows.

It's ok not to be good at it. You practice to GET good at it.

Quote:
I made the decision when asked for him to move up one of his dates, though it was for my own benefit, even though bringing it closer made me uncomfortable. Before, I would not have considered it.
See? You are owning it. Dealing with knowing AND STATING your needs so Life can come at ya at a pace you can deal in. It's ok to make it a little uncomfortable for you if overall the thing works better. In time -- you get over the uncomfortableness of "new thing" and the thing works out for you better. Then you feel pretty good about owning your own destiny.

HTH!
GG
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  #24  
Old 09-06-2012, 01:27 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Originally Posted by Invi View Post
It's not like I can (well, COULD, but I doubt they'd appreciate it) bring my four month old baby to political functions, even if I get get there and back.
You would be surprised.
Not sure what type of functions you're referencing, but my ex-husband, back when he was a full-time stay-at-home-dad, volunteered for the Obama campaign, he would take our daughters with him (admittedly, older than infant age, but more apt to whine about being booooorrrrrrrred! ). The other volunteers grew to LOVE having the girls around the office - they were a distraction from the day-to-day, and the attention the girls got from some of the other volunteers gave my ex a little extra time to focus on HIS work. Win-win.

It's worth a shot! Worst that can happen is that, no, it doesn't work out, so you're back at not going to functions. Nothing lost, but you'll know for sure.
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  #25  
Old 09-06-2012, 02:21 PM
CheshireCat CheshireCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I had issues with the phone, very similar to what you describe. I did ask that meal times, bed times and our date times are 'just for us'. So, no answering messages, no phones on. That has made a huge difference and I found that I am not triggered even half as often by the sounds and interruptions now that theres a guaranteed time they don't occur.
Bit late to this, and distracting from the baby-related chatter, but just wanted to add I SO identify with this trigger. Constant phone beeps and pings and vibrations had me thinking that DH and his new girlfriend were constantly talking to each other ALL THE TIME and it drove me crazy for a few weeks. I'm just about getting a handle on it now I think, but it still pops up for me a fair amount. DH is pretty good about not answering when we're on dates, and at meals, but they always wish each other a goodnight by text, which when I'm less uncertain about it all I'm sure I'll find sweet.

We're in the process of trying to work out an agreement re: him messaging his new sweetie while we're on our two week honeymoon next month. Eep. We don't want it to become a source of argument or tension while we're gone, we're working out a system whereby when we're not actively involved in "doing" something, he may step away and catch up while I read a book or something. Don't want to put a timelimit on it or anything (nothing like a deadline to make something seem more important or desperate, eh?) so I shall trust my DH to just simply be polite and focus on us the rest of the time One friend said I should make him sever all contact for the two weeks, but that just seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me! I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Anyway. I thought I'd offer another story to show you're not the only one in the throes of that! I hope the tips n tricks people have given you re: coping with the baby and involving your partner more are helping!
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  #26  
Old 09-07-2012, 12:09 AM
Invi Invi is offline
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heh. I've heard the car seat suggestion before. My first brother used to nap in his.. and pretty much only in the car seat. I guess he had some pretty bad reflux, so sitting up a bit was the only way he could sleep.
Our car seat is a pain to take in and out of the car, though, so we have one of those bouncy seat things. He doesn't like it too much, though. Right now he seems to prefer the floor to any kind of seat or swing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
You would be surprised.
Not sure what type of functions you're referencing, but my ex-husband, back when he was a full-time stay-at-home-dad, volunteered for the Obama campaign, he would take our daughters with him (admittedly, older than infant age, but more apt to whine about being booooorrrrrrrred! ). The other volunteers grew to LOVE having the girls around the office - they were a distraction from the day-to-day, and the attention the girls got from some of the other volunteers gave my ex a little extra time to focus on HIS work. Win-win.

It's worth a shot! Worst that can happen is that, no, it doesn't work out, so you're back at not going to functions. Nothing lost, but you'll know for sure.

Maybe I'm worrying about it too much. When our candidate was still actively campaigning and I was pregnant, there was at least one woman who'd bring her infant to meetings in a sling, but I guess I don't trust our bub to be quite as quiet around that many people. He gets upset if he sees someone looking at him if he's in the wrong mood. lol. Took him to a well-check last week, and his ped had a student in the office with him. He ended up hiding behind his clipboard to keep our little man from crying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CheshireCat View Post
Bit late to this, and distracting from the baby-related chatter, but just wanted to add I SO identify with this trigger. Constant phone beeps and pings and vibrations had me thinking that DH and his new girlfriend were constantly talking to each other ALL THE TIME and it drove me crazy for a few weeks. I'm just about getting a handle on it now I think, but it still pops up for me a fair amount. DH is pretty good about not answering when we're on dates, and at meals, but they always wish each other a goodnight by text, which when I'm less uncertain about it all I'm sure I'll find sweet.

We're in the process of trying to work out an agreement re: him messaging his new sweetie while we're on our two week honeymoon next month. Eep. We don't want it to become a source of argument or tension while we're gone, we're working out a system whereby when we're not actively involved in "doing" something, he may step away and catch up while I read a book or something. Don't want to put a timelimit on it or anything (nothing like a deadline to make something seem more important or desperate, eh?) so I shall trust my DH to just simply be polite and focus on us the rest of the time One friend said I should make him sever all contact for the two weeks, but that just seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me! I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Anyway. I thought I'd offer another story to show you're not the only one in the throes of that! I hope the tips n tricks people have given you re: coping with the baby and involving your partner more are helping!
Aw, enjoy your honeymoon.
Some of this has definitely been helpful.
I think I need to call my insurance provider and see what is an is not covered in regards to counseling or therapy, at least for PPD. If I can see someone for that, maybe we can talk about some of the other stresses in my life and get some of that taken care of.
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