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  #11  
Old 09-06-2012, 04:05 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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My pleasure .

Please keep us posted on your situation and progress.
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  #12  
Old 09-07-2012, 02:51 PM
Morgan Morgan is offline
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The safe sex business seems settled. Early this week I was in a sorry state, really torn up with feelings of betrayal and humiliation. Tuesday was a long day of cathartic confrontation (by Gmail IM, our principal means of communication! since we work opposite shifts), and I was feeling much better. But it's still a roller coaster, and there's a new complication -- more on that in a minute.
I realize this is not polyamory, as you folks practice it. But I suspect what's happening stems from the same impulse. Faithful to me for 22 years and with me since she was very young, she finds herself longing for something and someone besides me. Right or wrong, it's how she feels, and I suspect most people experience this phase. I know I have. And as we're entering middle age, we've both been run over by enough trucks -- deaths, economic struggle, aging -- that I can have some perspective on this. Is a strange piece of ass, a tingle with someone new, a little time in a world outside your own such a big deal? Go for it baby. I'm not unconfident that our relationship is the primary.
And while I feel a little guilty admitting it, freedom for her means freedom for me, too. She's all for it. It's just a shame I didn't get this freedom five or 10 years ago when I was feeling the way she does now. Frankly, I'm content with a satisfying sex life with her, especially if spiced up every now and then with things like our swing club outing tomorrow night. And, out of nowhere, she's undergoing a sexual awakening that suggests tomorrow's night out will be much different than our limp-dicked wallflower attempt two years ago.
The new complication: she's getting a little carried away. She already has another prospect -- and this is a guy who works for her same employer and, most worriesome, is in a decidedly non-open relationship. I am stunned that someone who's always been so sweet and so ethical could turn so cruel and uncaring. I told her she's running onto the same playing field as anyone who gets diveroced in their 40s or 50s -- most people are already coupled up. Satisfying her needs is one thing. A homewrecker? Not sure I can deal with that.
As always thank you for reading...
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  #13  
Old 09-07-2012, 07:47 PM
Wolfwood Wolfwood is offline
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My advice? The other relationships of your wife's secondaries should not really be your concern. Let your wife figure out for herself how she feels about them. Getting involved will not have any positive outcomes.

Here's what you need to be focusing on: yourself. Work out, develop more of a social life, go to a guy's dating forum and brush up on your flirting skills. Get out there and meet some women. In the meantime, be happy for your wife's happiness and enjoy her company when you are together. At this point, keep your insecurities to yourself and be as supportive as possible. Channel any jealousy your dealing with into sexual energy. Don't act on negative emotions and "fake it until you make it" if you have to. If you can do these things, then you will get through this and your wife will appreciate it.

Be your wife's bacon. She's not going to eat bacon exclusively, but bacon goes good with everything.

Incidentally, you should check out sls.com to find GOOD swinger events. I never liked the clubs or any place where they allow single guys to come unattended. It's a free site and you'll be able to find all the parties in your area.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf
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  #14  
Old 09-07-2012, 07:56 PM
Morgan Morgan is offline
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Thanks wolf. Actually we've lurked on sls for quite some time now. Getting out there & meeting women is a real challenge in a life as structured as mine, but like I said, I don't burn for that right now anyway. I'll do as she suggests and stay open to the possibilities.
But I'm still appalled at the prospect of hurting an unsuspecting innocent party. Her first bf is in an open relationship, so no problem there.
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  #15  
Old 09-07-2012, 07:57 PM
Morgan Morgan is offline
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oh and tomorrow is couples' night. we wouldn't be going if single guys were.
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  #16  
Old 09-07-2012, 08:30 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Morgan,
Just wanted to add my welcome to the forum.

There is such a thing as hard rules, and safer sex practices is probably part of that. However, some things are just things that need to be talked about. Don't be too shy about discussing your worries and concerns with her, just try to always discuss things in a loving and compassionate manner. It seems like you are good about putting yourself in her shoes.

Perhaps she is going into her own sort of mid-life crisis, and it is prompting her to act in ways that aren't characteristic of her (such as the dishonesty). Don't be mad at her, but be firm about your boundaries.

You are definitely traveling into the non-monogamy realms, of which polyamory is a part. Sometimes the definitions between words are blurred, so don't worry about whether you "fit in perfectly." You will find a lot of support and good advice here.

Hope things will go well, and keep us posted on things,
With regards,
Kevin T.
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  #17  
Old 09-07-2012, 08:34 PM
Morgan Morgan is offline
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I think that's a very good example of support and good advice. Thanks Kevin.
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  #18  
Old 09-07-2012, 08:39 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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No problem,
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