Huge Problem likely Small Issue for your veterans, please help

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by evanevans

It's ok. I knew someone would be too sensitive and be offended by my post. But that's not how I meant it. So we'll just have to rack it up to you having a different understanding about my words than I do. And I'[m not interested in boring everyone with trying to get you to be compassionate with me and understand where I'm really coming from. I see you are reactionary, think this is an alpha male thing (which it's not), have a problem with that, and want to express your disdain. Let's move on.

Allow me to translate: People are trying to tell you that you are full of yourself.

How about if YOU move on and the rest of us stay right where we are.

ETA: If you haven't gotten the answer to how to convince your wife blah blah etc. so she doesn't leave you in two weeks from anyone on here YET, you probably won't ever, so you might want to go look for that magic bullet on another part of the internet. Time is running out. It's already been about a week since you asked your question, so that means you only have one week or so left before she packs her bags and takes your 4-month old baby and leaves.

ETA:

[CielDuMatin]

OK, let me try a different tack for a moment.... and some of this may contain some over-generalizations....

Most of the poly women that I know wouldn't be interested in a setup like you describe. They need to feel empowered, to feel like they are seen as a true individual desires and personalities. I don't think that what you are trying to set up is particularly empowering - it's saying that you are the alpha male and that they don't need to worry their little heads about anything - you will take care of them.

I have met (and for a while lived in) a section of society who tends to contain women who are more willing to want this sort of thing - a man to keep them and buy them pretty things. They tend to be quite two-faced, not open about their feelings, and will often go behind the backs of any situation that doesn't suit them. Having an open and honest relationship with fully open communication will always be a massive challenge in a situation like this. I don't think that most of the tenets of poly are really going to apply in your ideal situation, because you are going to frequently be dealing with issues of cheating.

You also haven't yet answered some of my other questions about your "rules" of sex that I wrote about above.

So I think that even if you do manage to come to terms with your current partner you are really going to struggle to find the type of woman that you're going to need to really make this work as a poly relationship, especially on a small island. Most Caribbean islands (and I'm not sure which one you are on, since being able to see Belize *and* Nicaragua would put you in the middle of the ocean somewhere south-west of Jamaica with the ability to see about 500 miles so not sure quite how large your mountain is... :-) ) tend to be fairly conservative and religious, so you'd be looking at ex-pats as your companions.

I just can't see this working in any stable way for you, sorry.

[BoringGuy]

CdM - i love how you did that thing with the map and the ocean and all those islands and numbers and so on. I think that it's awesome when people like yourself and myself and other ordinary mortals can figure shit out. There ought to be some kind of award for that. Too bad females don't find intelligence as sexy as money and power. Don't you agree?

[JaneQSmythe]

Originally Posted by evanevans

It's ok. I knew someone would be too sensitive and be offended by my post. But that's not how I meant it. So we'll just have to rack it up to you having a different understanding about my words than I do. And I'[m not interested in boring everyone with trying to get you to be compassionate with me and understand where I'm really coming from. I see you are reactionary, think this is an alpha male thing (which it's not), have a problem with that, and want to express your disdain. Let's move on.

So then...you're not going to address any of the points that I made in my post then? Very well...we can "move on" with YOUR agenda, since you don't seem to care how anyone else interprets the "words" that you are attempting to use to communicate with us. (Which makes me extremely pessimistic that these "words" that you are using could be convincing to any of your current or potential paramours...)

Jane("Too-sensitive")Q

PS. If that's not "how you meant it" then perhaps you should use different words. No?

[BoringGuy]

Janie-q, don't you realize the OP is busy doing important things like attending photoshoots on caribbean island beaches and putting his kids to bed? He'll get around to your anti-alpha-male questions when he'a good and ready, not a moment before. Go get your husband to put you in the zone, or is he not enough of a poly guru or pillar of strength to do that? What the heck is your problem anyway. We're moving on now.

[PolyPhonic]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

Allow me to translate: People are trying to tell you that you are full of yourself.

This thread is about me, for me, and at most someday for someone else in a similar spot. If you aren't interested, you move on. I'm here to discuss what's very important to two people on this earth, and this thread is for those who care to help, or reflect. If you want to express you don't care, I think you should just do so privately since that's not helpful to anyone needing help.

[JaneQSmythe]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

... Too bad females don't find intelligence as sexy as money and power...

Actually, some of us do. What need do I have of money and power? I have enough of that on my own. A man (or woman) that I can actually have an intelligent conversation with?...priceless! (And SOOOO rare...)

JaneQ

[BoringGuy]

Time is running out.

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe

Actually, some of us do. What need do I have of money and power? I have enough of that on my own. A man (or woman) that I can actually have an intelligent conversation with?...priceless!

JaneQ

You don't understand what women want.

[GalaGirl]

@BoringGuy: Aye. I'm with JaneQ! I'll sign up for intelligent partner convo.

@Evan:

So did you talk to her yet and just ACCEPT HER ANSWER for where she comes down on the issue?

Cuz if she's not down with the poly thing in general? No amount of convincing or cajoling will change it. She has the RIGHT to seek the relationship shape that makes HER happiest. As do you.

Going deeper into what kind of polyship configuration or model y'all want to be in is moot and pointless if it just isn't a match up from the starting gate. Move it forward, man. Don't flog a dead horse. If you cannot be good partners together because you do not match up, try to be good exes then.

No more extra talk needed. YOU JUST DO NOT MATCH UP. There. That stage of talk is OVER.

Now you guys need to move the discussion forward toward how to protect and provide for your child you have together and have a smooth break up.

I'm very sorry if a break up is the best solution in your case. But if that is best for both, that is best for both. Move it forward with some grace and dignity then and take care of that kid!

Galagirl