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  #191  
Old 09-07-2012, 08:42 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
There is a huge gulf between the two.
Sorry but I missed the context of what the two points with a gulf between them was? Let me know, sorry, mind is wandering today...
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
Privilege is not only a position of superiority, but it should also be used as a position of responsibility.
Absolutely. I love how you said that. Maybe doing what I'm thinking is new to me and I need to learn how to do it responsibly, but I am a responsible person and I am interested in learning how to do this responsibly. But that is probably an inescapable position of mine, that it's a dynamic of privilege. But I'm a person trying to remain humble despite that fact, and willing to learn how to work with that responsibly. You guys are making me feel like Hurley in Lost. lol. It's not a curse.
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
Based on what you have written, and what little I know of the island you are on, you are most definitely in a position of privilege there. I think that you have some other stuff that you need to work through in order to make this work in any sustainable, moral way.
Yeah and these are the kinds of discussions and reflections I need to be having with people, such as yourself. So I really appreciate bringing that up. Some things we can't see ourselves so easily.
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
I'll give you another scenario about focusing on the locals - the "girl" may well be willing and able to move in with you, but since her family is going to be living within a few miles of you (or less), are you prepared to deal with them when they arrive at your doorstep with some massive concerns (possibly backed up with some associated hardware)
lol
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
about what you are doing with their daughter/sister? Expats would be far less of this sort of problem, since they tend to have less immediate local ties.
Yes and in fact I can just make sure to clear everything with the entire family each time. I think that would be a good idea.

As far as Expats as an option, there are two reasons I don't like that. 1) I can honestly pidgeon hole the expats here as hippies, or societal rejects, or already happily married, mostly white people. And 2) I am not attracted to that kind of disheveled people, let alone whites. 3) I've explored what I like and I prefer Latinas (although not the hot-blooded ones). 4) I really like the idea of the Robin Hood dynamic. It makes me feel good considering my position.
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
It's one thing to have the locals be maids, gardeners and cooks, quite another to be in a relationship with them.
Hmm, not sure how to interpret that, but I know what you mean.
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  #192  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:13 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Sorry but I missed the context of what the two points with a gulf between them was?
What I was saying was that there is a huge gulf between "poly gurus" and mad-men with axes. There are some quite reasonable guys in there who probably can "get" poly quite well who might complement your living situation well. For example, when you have to go off-island for some function it might be good if you have a man around the house that you can trust to make sure that things run smoothly.

I'm not saying do it, just that you maybe should be open-minded to the possibility. It might also show that this is more about egalitarian relationship dynamics that about an ego-boost for yourself "look how many women I have in my thrall", which is the perception at least some on here have gained from what you have written.


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Originally Posted by PolyPhonic View Post
Maybe doing what I'm thinking is new to me and I need to learn how to do it responsibly, but I am a responsible person and I am interested in learning how to do this responsibly.
OK, often you can learn from other experiences - do you have some good models of relationships from your life that you can base things on - folks who you have looked at and said to yourself "this is a Good Relationship"? How did those relationships look?

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But that is probably an inescapable position of mine, that it's a dynamic of privilege. But I'm a person trying to remain humble despite that fact, and willing to learn how to work with that responsibly.
You can not escape your privilege. What you can do, though, is to learn about what it is and isn't and how to shape your life so that you don't abuse what you have.

Example - someone who is very wealthy (like Hefner) is going to tend to have fantastic-looking women around him. To anybody outside of it, it's fairly obvious that they are essentially gold-diggers, but he seems oblivious to it, thinking that they love him for his spirit - massive ego-boost. Essentially in a situation like that, his privilege is what is drawing them in, not his spirit. Learning to differentiate the two *from the inside* is very difficult, but I would suggest a vital skill.

The gold-diggers are going to try to limit the number of other women that are around - because while love may be infinite, money isn't and they don't really want to share this with others.

Setting yourself up from a position of privilege and being a sort of "charity" (what you call the "Robin Hood dynamic") in return for what appears to be a romantic relationship is problematic on many levels. Because you are getting something highly significant in return, not just doing it out of the goodness of your heart.

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Yes and in fact I can just make sure to clear everything with the entire family each time. I think that would be a good idea.
And if they say "no f-ing way", which I suspect most of them will - what do you do then?
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  #193  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:22 PM
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You being the "cultured westerner" who would save them from themselves? Did you really mean to say such a thing? If so, your views are clearly those of a supremacist, and elitist, which is rather disgusting.
OMG here we go again. You don't live here. I do. If you did, you would get what I'm talking about. I am not a racist, bigot, supremacist, elitist, or any of that. But if you are trying to tell me that a homeless orphaned boy on the street knows what an Andy Warhol is, you're really just projecting some emotions and not using your head.
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  #194  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:24 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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This is priceless - watching evan try to explain himself and backpeddle and making himself look like a bigger [ad-hominem] with each successive reply.

Keep it coming.
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  #195  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted by PolyPhonic View Post
OMG here we go again. You don't live here. I do. If you did, you would get what I'm talking about. I am not a racist, bigot, supremacist, elitist, or any of that. But if you are trying to tell me that a homeless orphaned boy on the street knows what an Andy Warhol is, you're really just projecting some emotions and not using your head.


So, are you saying that you want to sponsor local homeless orphan boys with art scholarships?

That would have to be the most noble thing you said since you arrived here.

Except you probably didn't mean it that way.
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  #196  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:32 PM
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
And if they say "no f-ing way", which I suspect most of them will - what do you do then?
More fish in the sea.
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  #197  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:35 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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More fish in the sea.
If you had the ocean around you to select from, then yes, but you are on a small island, with a local native population who know each other probably quite well. Word will spread. I think that the actual number of candidates (as I stated earlier) is actually going to be very small. If you require the family (which may include extended family) to agree to this, I think that you are rapidly approaching zero viable people for you.
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  #198  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
This is priceless - watching evan try to explain himself and backpeddle and making himself look like a bigger [ad-hominem] with each successive reply.
The same thing happened when I said I was probably the most mature man on the island. It did not mean that I think so highly of myself that I think I'm the most mature man in the world. Just that here, it's not difficult to take the title. Down here there are people that are wrecks of self-esteem being coupled with Latino "Machistas". It's a vortex of immaturity and ignorance. And having arrived I am a "prince among thieves" so to speak. I have the experience to be able to say so. Maybe that's arrogant, but I think someone was asking me and so that's why I had to say that. I was just being honest and open. I'm not going to not say something informative just because I can't readily figure out a more PC way to frame it in the worry that people will think less of me if I say it bluntly. If people want to hang me by my words, that's their own ignorance actually.
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  #199  
Old 09-07-2012, 09:56 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
If you had the ocean around you to select from, then yes, but you are on a small island, with a local native population who know each other probably quite well. Word will spread. I think that the actual number of candidates (as I stated earlier) is actually going to be very small. If you require the family (which may include extended family) to agree to this, I think that you are rapidly approaching zero viable people for you.
I cede to your experience, but in my experience here, flirting with the chicks, forming friendships, meeting families, I believe they are a lot more willing to let their daughters have a boost in life than you seem to think. Maybe it's good timing, or the people I pick up on, but only time will tell. I will keep your perception in my pocket at all times though
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  #200  
Old 09-07-2012, 10:00 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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So, are you saying that you want to sponsor local homeless orphan boys with art scholarships?

That would have to be the most noble thing you said since you arrived here.

Except you probably didn't mean it that way.
That would be a different forum. Here we talk about love, sex, relationships, poly, etc. But I guess you could open a dialogue up on how Philanthropy compares to the concept of Compersion. If you even care to be serious on this forum. That might be worth discussing, instead of sarcastic cliffhangers.
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