Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-31-2012, 07:01 AM
Vhyshious Vhyshious is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
Default hello all. ty for your time.

Gather round while I tell the tale, that had been experienced by many others....lol.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We are honest with each other, we are respectful, and we are doing great. I am an openly bisexual woman, and I have been since I was 16. He knows about it and fully accepts it. We just recently started talking about polyamory, and other relationship types. We have 2 situations. Sit. 1) We want a woman in the house that is the wife I am not. I love to cook, and I adore raising our children, but I am not by any means domestic. I want a woman who likes to clean, and do laundry. We want someone that will be a member of our family. I don't want just a casual fuck buddy. our biggest concern is always the safety of our children. We are so hesitant to get to know a woman, because you never see the real psycho's coming. I have been in serious relationships with women before, and I feel like a piece of me is missing by not having a woman to walk beside me in life along with my hubby. I want a woman who is bisexual, and doesn't need to be in a threesome all the time. It can be her and him, or her and I...or we all just sleep and cuddle. Well, they can cuddle, I'm not much on being touched all the time.

Sit. 2) there is a friend of ours (we will call him V), that we have both known for 10 years. He is couple years younger then us, was part of our wedding, is considered family. I love him, and do not want to live a life where V isn't a part of it. My hubby how I feel, and is secure his knowledge that I love no other the way I love my hubby. He is, and always will be. He has said he whole heartedly approves of V being a part of us. (hubby is not gay, not bi-curious, nor is he heteroflexible) his only stipulations if our friend agrees, V has to get a full medical work up to prove no std's before any sexual stuff can happen between us, and if he has sex with someone not me while we are together, he has to get tested before resuming relations. And lastly, V must be willing to protect our children as if they were his own ( he has been there since day one of their lives, everyday, so this stipulation goes without saying). Him and I have never had sex, and he says I am the only person he has ever loved. When I asked how he felt about joining a polyamorous relationship, he said he would consider it.

My question to all the successful poly couples out there is this: with the communication, honesty, and groundwork in effect, how do we move on to the next step of making it happen?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-31-2012, 07:08 AM
Vhyshious Vhyshious is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
Default

Forgot to add that I have tried to date women during this time, but not a single one could accept or understand our marriage and situation.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-31-2012, 05:10 PM
Avatar Avatar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 78
Default

Welcome

Lots of stuff going on with your family, and I hope you're able to find some helpful hints/answers here.

In brief, I feel what you're looking for is certainly obtainable, but if it were me, I'd focus on one situation at a time, probably starting with V. It seems easier to start there, with a friend of known quantity rather questing.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-01-2012, 06:31 AM
Vhyshious Vhyshious is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
Default

I agree.

We all sat down and formulated a semi plan. Since hubby and I are moving across country in 3 months, we invited V to join us. It was decided that he would come 6 months after the move (to allow us to get settled in as a family first) then he would follow. His one condition was that it progress as a normal relationship would. Meaning he's not gonna just move into the house and be auto integrated. We are gonna take it slow. As real relationships should be built slowly.

I'm unsure how to proceed once he gets there. I think advice from more experienced couples will prove to be goldmines.

The other female situation....well...that just needs to take a back burner to other higher priorities.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-02-2012, 05:53 AM
Avatar Avatar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 78
Default

Sounds like a good plan to me! Maybe start by going on some dates?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-02-2012, 04:59 PM
lovefromgirl's Avatar
lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vhyshious View Post
Sit. 1) We want a woman in the house that is the wife I am not. I love to cook, and I adore raising our children, but I am not by any means domestic. I want a woman who likes to clean, and do laundry. We want someone that will be a member of our family. I don't want just a casual fuck buddy. our biggest concern is always the safety of our children. We are so hesitant to get to know a woman, because you never see the real psycho's coming. I have been in serious relationships with women before, and I feel like a piece of me is missing by not having a woman to walk beside me in life along with my hubby. I want a woman who is bisexual, and doesn't need to be in a threesome all the time. It can be her and him, or her and I...or we all just sleep and cuddle. Well, they can cuddle, I'm not much on being touched all the time.
I find it interesting that in this description of what you would like from a woman partner, you list first the ways she could be of use to you. Could a paid housekeeper alleviate some of the pressure you feel domestically, permitting you to date for dating's sake? If she's got to want to be the maid as well as your lover, I can see why she hasn't materialised.
__________________
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-04-2012, 08:34 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 4,713
Default

Hi Vhyshious,
Welcome to our forum.

I agree that it would be best to concentrate on your relationship with V (and your husband) for now, and let a relationship with a female come about naturally in good time. You're lucky to have V in your life.

Re: Sit. 1 ... would this be someone who stayed at home most of the time (rather than having a job)? Just looking to get a picture in my mind of what you're looking for.

Glad to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:30 AM.