how often do you see your secondary partners?

[idealist]

Originally Posted by redpepper

there has to be a better term than "single" for someone with many lovers... seriously, is there not some other term? I don't know of one... anyone?

Good point!! I say I'm single because I'm not married and I have not merged funds or living space with anyone. I am available to meet new people also. That is usually what single implies.

[ksandra]

By those standards a lot of people are technically single...maybe we could use sans primary or SP instead of single?

[redpepper]

I'm saying that I am my primary now, how would I work that?! if I were single?!

[inlovewith2]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Everyday, almost without fail. We both need that.

Oh how this would be a dream for me. Every time I leave him, I feel a sense of sadness, not knowing when I'll see him again.

I'm so glad for you, Redpepper and Nerdist, Mono.

Christie

[EugenePoet]

I see L one evening a week, and we talk on the phone almost every night. Interesting dilemma: loving L has showed me how little I was settling for in prior relationships, but by the same token she's raised the bar pretty high. Dunno that I'll find anyone like her with whom I could form a primary relationship. Certainly I'm done with forming relationships just to avoid being lonely -- that was my first marriage, thanks for all the fish but never again. ...um, sorry, just stuff that's on my mind. Not really germane.

[capricorny]

Originally Posted by redpepper

I'm saying that I am my primary now, how would I work that?! if I were single?!

A woman I know says freedom is her primary. Does that make her eternally single, or the other way around? I think ksandras suggestion of SP (sans primary) is good, to me anyone involved in a serious poly relationship isn't really single. They have taken on some obligations relationship-wise that "ordinary" singles have not.

Back to the OP's question: Usually 1-4 days per week with each (V), and I urgently need some time for myself too But there is usually quite a bit of communication and cooperation going on even if we don't see each other. And I don't think time spent together necessarily indicates anything else than - time spent together. So I think, in particular for a secondary, time spent together doesn't have to tell much about the relationship. How the partners spend their time together, and how they interact when they are not together, seems more important to me. And it fits with my own experiences, too.

[redpepper]

My objection to and all inclusive wording of "sans primary" is that I have friends who aren't looking for a primary and have many lovers instead. SP certainly would work for some, and they could comfortably identify, but what of the others? I have heard the word "networking" out there but I think that is more to do with sexual relationships between friends than lovers. More dating than looking for a primary or even secondary. The meaning is blurred for me. Perhaps someone knows more?

[capricorny]

Originally Posted by redpepper

My objection to and all inclusive wording of "sans primary" is that I have friends who aren't looking for a primary and have many lovers instead. SP certainly would work for some, and they could comfortably identify, but what of the others? I have heard the word "networking" out there but I think that is more to do with sexual relationships between friends than lovers. More dating than looking for a primary or even secondary. The meaning is blurred for me. Perhaps someone knows more?

But "sans primary" doesn't have to imply that you are looking for one, does it? Just a neutral term, to distinguish those without primary partners who are in some kind of permanent relationship from those who are not.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by capricorny

But "sans primary" doesn't have to imply that you are looking for one, does it? Just a neutral term, to distinguish those without primary partners who are in some kind of permanent relationship from those who are not.

Hm, I get your point. Doesn't *sans* mean *before* though?

[NeonKaos]

"Sans" means "without" in French.