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  #11  
Old 05-10-2010, 01:57 AM
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I wouldn't really agree that everyone is "poly". I mean that title works for what it's made for, but not for such a wide sweeping generalization as "everyone".
We are all subject to different perspectives as we are all individuals. So assuming that the social roles were reversed, and multiple loving relationships were all over the t.v, movies, next door, wherever, there would still be alot of people who would just choose one person as a lover :/

But, i kinda get your point. Deep down...you kinda want everyone to be poly It's not so bad to dream...
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  #12  
Old 05-10-2010, 02:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saudade View Post
Personally, I think there's a poly/mono scale much like the hetero/homo one Kinsey developed. Some people are stuck on one side or the other, so much so that they can't conform to dominant social pressure on the matter. Some are in the middle, often leaning in one direction but sometimes truly able to go either way.
I would say this is probably true, but not sure what a polyamory/mono chart would look like. I created one based on the Kinsey scale for hetorsexual/homosexual. (See the attachment.) The top is hetro/homo and the bottom is poly/mono. Maybe that's what it would be like???

Anyway....the other thing to remember is that sometimes we change. At one time in my life, I considered myself to be a 6 on the Kinsey scale (exclusively homosexual) and I was in a monogamous lesbian relationship for 12 years. But, after that ended I have lived an exclusively heterosexual lifestyle.....at the other end of the scale.....being in only heterosexual monogamous relationships......now it's all open!!

So based on that, I guess I would say that "Everyone is Bisexual and Polyamory Underneath".....NOT
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  #13  
Old 05-10-2010, 07:17 AM
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I see kinsey's scale of sexuality as more of a water balloon as do I the question of poly and mono... They change and move around inside the walls of definition... those walls change too. nothing is as static as a scale to me. It depends on a whole lot of things from who I am with, and what is going on in my life.

One other note, it's great to be all NRE about poly, but it really isn't for everyone. It isn't easy to handle for a lot of people and while they might love the idea of loving free there are some major trials and tribulations... if you are not the type that loves drama at every turn and prefers to concentrate on a career or something else, monogamy might work better. That doesn't mean that you can't identify as poly or even live within it's bounds... just that the water balloon has shifted and you are in a different place at the moment....
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  #14  
Old 05-10-2010, 04:10 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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<<<<<chuckling in a good way>>>>

Oooooooooo yes - if it could only be that simple !
And true - for some it can be.
But not for everyone. For reasons to myriad to list.

GS
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  #15  
Old 05-10-2010, 04:24 PM
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I can completely see what you are trying to say. Oddly enough I was sitting in Outback yesterday for Mothers day and a very similar thought pattern started to cross my mind.
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  #16  
Old 05-10-2010, 08:41 PM
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Some great posts folks, you all come across as wonderfully thoughtful, intelligent and compassionate folks. Pleasure to be here.

I particularly like saudade's

"anyone who knows that they don't have to be monogamous and chooses to be anyway deserves credit enough to be trusted with their own choice"

Rusty
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  #17  
Old 05-11-2010, 01:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRusty View Post
Some great posts folks, you all come across as wonderfully thoughtful, intelligent and compassionate folks. Pleasure to be here.

I particularly like saudade's

"anyone who knows that they don't have to be monogamous and chooses to be anyway deserves credit enough to be trusted with their own choice"

Rusty
I agree this is a cool comment Rusty. I do however believe people can only chose to act monogamous. Being monogamous is a much different thing and not a choice similar to choosing to act gay as opposed to actually being gay. I would never deny a person that they can be wired gay. Would anyone I wonder?

The train of thought that everyone is poly or that everyone is truly mono is comparable to the thought that everyone is truly bi-sexual. Does anyone buy that thought?
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  #18  
Old 05-11-2010, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
The train of thought that everyone is poly or that everyone is truly mono is comparable to the thought that everyone is truly bi-sexual. Does anyone buy that thought?
Actually, yes, I think I could believe that. Personally I am pretty happily hetero, and there are so many great women out there . . but if I met a really special guy . . who knows? I hope I wouldn't close my mind.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-11-2010 at 06:30 PM. Reason: quote formatting
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  #19  
Old 05-12-2010, 12:16 AM
saudade saudade is offline
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@Mono-- I agree there's a distinction between acting mono and being mono (or poly), particularly when aspects of each tend to be closeted. Thanks for clarifying my language.

@idealist-- Thanks for charting it! Also, great point about one's "number" (read: identity) changing over time. I'm 2;6 (hetero leaning bi; utterly poly). In my case, the numbers shifted upward from 0;0 in correlation with my life experience and knowledge about the world.

@RP: Imagining a scalar model as a water balloon? Huh...
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  #20  
Old 05-12-2010, 05:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saudade View Post
As long as non-participation is an option, and self-limited participation is an option, that sounds dandy
Oh yeas, of course, I did say before I started that I was going to be over-exuberant because of my mood.

The whole point of exploring these areas of our psyche is to be open to express our true feelings, isn't it?

I think perhaps that element of 'everyone's doing it' coercion that (I'm told) went with the free love concept was were that movement went wrong.

In the real world not everyone will want to be poly, or even think about ot for all sorts of complex reasons.

I really am going to have to read all of Kinsey, I think.

Loving being here
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