I finally pushed past the fear and shared everything with my SO. He was/is of course understandably upset and actually couldn't talk about any of it the first night. He said his body, brain, and heart just sunk into the floor (this kills me)...but I knew it would be hard. I didn't push him on anything and gave him space. He came to me the next morning to talk more. As you can imagine he doesn't feel it will work, that it's only the beginning of the end.....that he wouldn't be able to trust me.
Thankfully we had a counseling session that afternoon and it helped tremendously in just the sense that 'we' are still together right NOW, and that i'm here for him 100 percent.
This is a totally new road for us both and I know it's not going to be easy but I feel so much relief in having been able to share all of this with him. I made it clear there is no pressure to go anywhere quickly...that we need to talk more and take our time. I felt such a wave of love for him while simply listening to him talk about his feelings. He so very rarely does this. While i'm not certain what the outcome will be at this time, I'm totally okay with that. Right now, in this moment, I'm just going to enjoy this sense of serenity that comes with be totally honest with myself and him.