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  #31  
Old 07-19-2010, 05:41 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
I've tried poking around trying to figure out how to contact a mod with no luck (and my kids always appear when I try to do something for myself!).

I have a concern about the blog that was created for me.

Thanks!!!!

Christie
At the bottom of the first page there is a link to the "leaders" of the site. That will point you to the right people
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  #32  
Old 07-19-2010, 11:20 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I merged the original threads with some posts from another thread that was being hijacked. I left "re-directs" on all the affected threads. It looked like this is an ongoing thing with you and when it's all about one person's own story we like to keep those in the "Life Stories and Blogs" section, as opposed to discussion about general "New to Poly" topics.

I can delete or rename it if you want.

The link at the bottom of the page goes to the owner, Olivier, who is not actively involved in the administration of this site.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 07-19-2010 at 11:30 PM.
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  #33  
Old 07-21-2010, 02:50 PM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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[QUOTE=YGirl;36703]
Quote:
I merged the original threads with some posts from another thread that was being hijacked. I left "re-directs" on all the affected threads. It looked like this is an ongoing thing with you and when it's all about one person's own story we like to keep those in the "Life Stories and Blogs" section, as opposed to discussion about general "New to Poly" topics.
Forgive me, I've never felt comfortable on forums, I'm a yahoo group girl ;-), what are re-directs?

I'm fine with the blog being created, I just don't want that guy's caustic bs in a blog designated as "mine". Does that make sense? You may not understand, but what he did was *very* painful for me. I took some time away and just accepted that that's how he is, or whatever, but that doesn't mean I want his nasty comments and accusations in "my" blog. I'm going to guess that there aren't generally nasty exchanges included in other people's blogs. Am I off base? Can just the back and forth between he and I (and zooropa as well; that was the screen name my husband, now known as DavidWebb, used initially) be deleted?

I really don't mean to be trouble. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important to me.

Thanks so much!

Christie
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  #34  
Old 07-21-2010, 03:56 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Christie,

I deleted the posts you asked for by the other user. You can go ahead and delete or edit your own posts as you see fit.

I also sent you a PM.

If you need anything else done, let me know.
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  #35  
Old 09-09-2010, 12:33 PM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Default I never thanked you

So, thank you!
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  #36  
Old 09-09-2010, 01:16 PM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Question An update related to poly, but also about anxiety and depression

So, as I've mentioned before, this past 2 plus years have been very difficult for me. I ended up in a psych hospital for suicidal ideation (one of the worst experiences of my life and I'm referring to both the ideation and the hospital).

I met my bf there, which I now know was a huge mistake, but at the time I was in a alternative state of consciousness. In the long run, it was good, because my poly journey led me to my wonderful boyfriend who is committed to being a good friend.

My two closest friends bailed on me when I first came out as poly. That sucked, but I did my best to deal. It was never clear if they were completely exiting the friendship or taking a break, so I've been sorting out if I'm even interested in a relationship with them. It is now clear that I am not at least irt one of them.

My relationship with my mother has always been strained. She can be insensitive and nasty and will go for the jugular if you dare call her on her shit. She and I have a mutual friend, who as she has gotten to know my mother, has become nasty as well.

To make a very long story short, there was an issue where this woman's grandson got sick in my van, and she didn't clean it up. Part of the reason was because the van was always gone when she was around. DW questioned her as to why it had not been cleaned, and then left for a date (his first at his gf's apartment). This woman barged in on me, demanded to know why I hadn't told him that she had offered to clean it up and when I explained, proceeded to call me a liar and a bitch repeatedly until she finally left my house. I was undeniably shaken.

As if that weren't enough, minutes after she leaves, my son returns with DW, who returned from his way to his gf's and tells me that my mother spanked him. Now, I know that some people are fine with this line of discipline and I have no desire to debate it or attack it. The fact is that DW and I have made a conscious decision not to use this method, and have made it abundantly clear to her that we do not find it acceptable. This incident follows several others of late where she has completed steam-rolled over the boundaries we have set with our kids.

When I questioned it and gave her a nasty look, she proceeded to attack me verbally. Calling my kid out of control (he so isn't, she was just saying last week how proud she is to have her grandkids out in public because they are so well behaved, not that they don't break rules of course), and me a neglectful mother. As we were leaving, she yelled something about me being too busy with my boyfriends to be a mother. DW intervened at that point, saying her name firmly to get her to shut up (we are not out with our kids yet as we want to be very thoughtful about this and weigh the pros and cons). She continued until we were in my home.

My anxiety and depression are spiraling out of control as a result and honestly, I'm at a loss for what to do. I have taken anti-depressants, done acupuncture and naturopathy, chiropractic care, you name it. And still it gets to manageable levels at best, and when any crisis crops up, I spiral downward.

I want to move (we live behind my parents), but DW and I both find this daunting, and honestly, the chances that we could sell it for what we need to get in this market are slim.

To top it off, my relationship with bf 1, a chronically depressed and anxious man, has become undeniably unhealthy (had I had the foresight back in January, I would have never initiated the relationship, but I was very depressed).

He will not take pro-active steps to feel better. He again re-hashed an incident where DW wrote him a letter, saying that his intentions were malicious, and became angry with me because I refuse to agree (initially, I didn't confirm or deny, just validated that he felt as though it was malicious). He gets pissed at me if I cancel a get together for family or emotional reasons. On Monday, I was supposed to see him, but had gotten no more than 4 hours sleep the night before and did not feel up to driving home after a late night. And my oldest son had looked at me and said "mom, can we all watch a movie together tonight?". These factors combined with my strong desire to be in my home where I feel safe, made the decision.

He was irritated. I simply cannot have that kind of angst in my life right now, but how do you end things w/ an emotionally unstable person? And let's not forget, that I do love him; that's not in question. This will be a loss for me as well. I know, I know, the couple of people on this board who suggested that he was not going to be able to engage in a healthy relationship were right, but I didn't see it then.

So, you gather that I'm overwhelmed and in need of support.

I'm concerned that my mother could act vindictively, especially if we put the house on the market, and even call the authorities alleging neglect/abuse. With my history of psychiatric care, the kids could be removed and this terrifies me. I'm not the best mother in the world, but I sure as hell love those kids and they feel loved. I manage their needs as best as I can. I think it is fair to say that they are taken care of better than average. Of course, I strive for it to be even better, and am trying to take positive steps to make that happen.

I'd also love advice on the best way to exit the relationship with bf1. I don't know whether to be honest with him about the list of reasons, or to keep it simple and make it more about me.

Any words of advice are welcome, but please be gentle.
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Discovered that I was poly in January 10,
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  #37  
Old 09-09-2010, 03:07 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I'm not sure that I have much to offer other than to just do it in as kind a way possible...

here is the link to my coming out.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=721

We have the same mother and we live the same length away from her... I think you knew that, but just a reminder... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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  #38  
Old 09-10-2010, 02:23 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by inlovewith2 View Post
So, thank you!
You're welcome.
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  #39  
Old 09-15-2010, 05:32 PM
DavidWebb DavidWebb is offline
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Hi Christie,

Sorry that you haven't got much response here, but know that I am always here for you (online and irl!)

-DW
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  #40  
Old 09-21-2010, 03:55 AM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I'm not sure that I have much to offer other than to just do it in as kind a way possible...

here is the link to my coming out.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=721

We have the same mother and we live the same length away from her... I think you knew that, but just a reminder... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
RP,

I didn't want you to think that I hadn't read this or that I didn't appreciate it--I do very much. I'm just all over the place lately and had forgotten that I had not replied.

I actually haven't read your coming out thread entirely, but I did recently catch up on the sharing success and happiness blog, and on your journey. Somehow I must have missed a page or two though, because I didn't remember hearing how things shifted for PN (perhaps you didn't share). I'm so thrilled that they did though!!!

I hope that I will be able to read your coming out thread soon and thank you once again!!!

As a very brief update, the woman who screamed at me has apologized, and my mother claimed that "everything I do, comes from love", which is simply not true, but she needs to believe it. She has tried to make amends by inviting us to dinner, but I simply am not there yet.

I have not ended things with bf, as we have barely seen each other. I did see him yesterday for about an hour, and the visit was nice, until I asked him for his email address (he just got internet in his apartment), and he said that he couldn't because he would never believe that DW wasn't reading it (which he could if he wanted, he knows my password, but I *trust* that he wouldn't unless he had a compelling reason or I asked him to), or that DW wouldn't write to him disguised as me. I had to leave in 10 minutes, so I did not get into it, but I simply cannot continue to feed this paranoia. It's not healthy for any of us .

Kindness is not a problem for me; I'm coming to terms with my own ambivalence and with the reality that no matter what I say, he may not be able to hear it, or rather may hear something entirely different. I hope I'm wrong...

Thanks again,
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Discovered that I was poly in January 10,
forging my path together with the best partner I could ever ask for!
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