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  #761  
Old 08-05-2011, 01:07 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Panda was one of the few that Karma introduced me to that I had anything in common with. Cookie seems more like my type of people. Just the way she handles things, the things she likes to do, her thought processes. She deals with things head on instead of hiding from them. That's my big thing. I need to know how to handle conflict with someone. And Cookie seems to handle things relativley the same way I do.

She wants to eventualy have a friendship, but she's not sure how much of the three of us spending time together she is up for. I think that may be disapointing for Karma. But I also think that if she and I enjoy spending time together, her view on that may change.

I'm stuck on the part where she wants to have a friendship with me, not as Karmas wife. Obviously I am my own person, but he is such a huge part of my life I'm not competely sure how to seperate that.

The nice thing though, is there's no rush to solve it. I don't feel like this is a problem that must immediatly be dealt with. I feel much more at ease that it'll work itself out in time.

I'm also discovering more about myself. I had a random though a little bit ago. If I were to go away for a weekend and Karma were to stay home, I don't know that it would bother me for her to stay here. Which is odd to me, because it's always been MY house MY bed, the one thing I won't share is MY bed. But I just don't feel like I care with Cookie.

That may change. I dunno. It seems that doing it the 'right' way for the first time has as much of a learning curve as the doing it the 'wrong' way did.
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  #762  
Old 08-05-2011, 02:53 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
That may change. I dunno. It seems that doing it the 'right' way for the first time has as much of a learning curve as the doing it the 'wrong' way did.
Interesting isn't that? I found that this time around when hubs was starting this new relationship, he was doing everything in the right fashion, and there still were tons of things that came up-- mostly because we'd never REALLY done it the right way before.

And I think that with each new person that comes in there are new challenges or questions or communications that have to happen. I could see how with some people I wouldn't want them in my bed when I wasn't there, and with some people that wouldn't be an issue. So in a sense it seems like a lot of these little things will have to be negotiated each time, not once for everybody.
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  #763  
Old 08-06-2011, 01:27 AM
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I hate summer!!!! I have not been out of this house for more than an hour in weeks. Karma is at the carnival with Cookie and I so want to go. I love fairs and carnivals. I couldn't go tonight because Cokkie's family is there and they don't know Karma is married. And tonight was the coolest and least humid night to go.

Oh well it's not like we had the money to do anything anyway. So I'm cleaning instead.

Cabin fever is kicking in big time. I want to find a class or something I can do that does not involve being stuck in the house and it all costs money. There's a local jazzercise but it's like $20 a class. I think when the school opens the pool and fitness center for the fall, I go with Karma and swim while he's in class. That saves on gas and gets me doing something free and active.

I just cannot wait until the temp is reasonable again. I'm getting irritable and taking it out on Karma. So I just watch tv all day so I stay out of his way, and it's too much like what it used to be.

But it's not, I want to leave the damn house and I can't. I want to go do things with him but we can't afford to do anything. When it comes down to us doing something or saving that money so he can have the gas to go see cookie, I choose to save the money.

So I guess once again it's my fault that I'm feeling disconnected from him.

Sorry I just really needed to rant.
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  #764  
Old 08-06-2011, 04:59 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Mo, how often is he going out with Cookie? I mean, I figure once per week is enough....maybe twice. PERSONALLY, more than that is too much unless you are living together with her. Kandy already said that if I were to start seeing a woman as much as Karma is Cookie, there would be issues. LOL But I really don't have that issue. (Havent been on a date in a LOOOONG time now with anyone but Kandy )

Maybe Karma is still caught up in the NRE, and maybe you could have still gone to the carnival without arousing suspicion. This would have also marked your first meeting with Cookie. Wouldn't it have? Bummer. Best of luck in the near future.
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  #765  
Old 08-06-2011, 06:18 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Mo, how often is he going out with Cookie? I mean, I figure once per week is enough....maybe twice. PERSONALLY, more than that is too much unless you are living together with her. Kandy already said that if I were to start seeing a woman as much as Karma is Cookie, there would be issues. LOL But I really don't have that issue. (Havent been on a date in a LOOOONG time now with anyone but Kandy )

Maybe Karma is still caught up in the NRE, and maybe you could have still gone to the carnival without arousing suspicion. This would have also marked your first meeting with Cookie. Wouldn't it have? Bummer. Best of luck in the near future.
They see eachother once or twice a week, tuesdays and a weekend day. Mostly due to finances it'll cut to once a week until school loans come in. So it isn't really all that often.

He saw Cricket 3-5 times a week with a few of those being movie nights or something we all did together. Cookie doesn't really want that type of relationship. At least not yet. She's okay seeing where things go as far as she and I being friends but she isn't sure how she feels about all three of us doing things together. Which I can respect, she wasn't sure about all of this from the begining and just as it was hard for me to see him hug, kiss, hold hands with someone else, I'm sure it would be awkward to see your b/f do that with his wife.

The carnival was a family event and her sisters do know, dad doesn't. None of us want to lie about it and she isn't ready to tell him, so it was best to not give the chance for questions.

I honestly don't mind the time, even if it were more. Especialy when school starts. My classes are all online and I'll be glad to have him out of the house while I do school stuff. What bothers me is they get to do fun stuff and I go stir crazy. And when he is home, he's playing video games and I'm on the computer. So there's no quality time, fun stuff going on. We've never 'dated' and so it bothers me sometimes that other women get fun courting Karma and I get video games and household stuff Karma. He fails at planning dates, he'll be the first to admit it, he doesn't plan ahead, he's very go with the flow. And I've always known that. It's not like he wouldn't do things with me, I just have to find something indoors, cheap and close by.

I think most of it is just cabin fever. I just spent an hour looking up free or nearly free things Karma and I can do together that is indoors. We have no a/c in either car and the air quality here is shit. So I can only go outside on low air days when the humidity isn't high. And due to meds I can't handle direct sun or heat for too long so I'm stuck here.

Every year about this time my depression kicks up and this year I finaly figured out why. Being stuck in the house I get bored and then my brain goes into overdrive. Cabin fever at it's best.

I get jealous that she (any she, two yrs ago it was panda, last year cricket, this yr cookie) can go out and do things with him and if I even think about going outside it's like a bad vampire movie. And I don't want to go sit at a friends house cuz that's just as boring so I might as well just sit here in my Pj's and at least be comfy in my bored.

It's not Karmas fault. He does what he can to entertain me and to make things easier for me.

I'm feeling better about it now that I did all that research. Found a ton of things we can do for free or close to it and it's indoors and close by.

Mostly it's just readjusting to him dating. I don't do well with change. I need my routines, and dating someone new brings a change in my routine and I need to readjust.

So it's a combo of readjusting, cabin fever and wanting to do fun things with him.
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  #766  
Old 08-06-2011, 06:26 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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So in a sense it seems like a lot of these little things will have to be negotiated each time, not once for everybody.
Yep! And it's not somethin I realised. Everyone is different, so certain boundries, rules, thoughts are not going to work. Definitaly a lesson learned.

This why communication is so important. Because it's not always going to work the sameway and sometimes you won't realise until it happens.

Like my shower trigger. It was a trigger because he had cheated with Cricket. Because Cookie is out in the open I'd prefer he come home and get in the shower.

When we talked about it the other night you could see the lightbulb in his brain. But until I said something, he had no way of knowing the rule had changed until I voiced it.

And the bed thing, you're totaly right. I think it's comfort level. I had no problem with Panda being in my bed. And as long as the sheets get changed, no issue with Cookie being there. But I didn't have that comfort level with Cricket, so I wasn't okay with her being in my bed.

It's very interesting to me the way comfort levels effect boundries and triggers.
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  #767  
Old 08-06-2011, 07:57 AM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
And the bed thing, you're totaly right. I think it's comfort level. I had no problem with Panda being in my bed. And as long as the sheets get changed, no issue with Cookie being there. But I didn't have that comfort level with Cricket, so I wasn't okay with her being in my bed.

It's very interesting to me the way comfort levels effect boundries and triggers.
I think sometimes gut instinct kicks in. We may not immediately recognize it and sometimes we second guess it. But I'm finding now that usually when I'm not comfortable with someone or things don't feel right there's almost alwYs a pretty good reason. I'm done with not trusting my instincts.
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  #768  
Old 08-08-2011, 11:36 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Since we have to keep our budget tight for the next few weeks and I'm going crazy locked in the house, I've decided to make the best of it. Karma is saving gas by only going to see Cookie once this week and possibly not again until school loans or a job come through. She's being very understanding of this and I really appreciate it.

So since we're stuck here, were going to get back to the ballet/pilates workouts. We laid off for awhile due to life and fibro flares, but we're gonna get back on them. What the hell else are we gonna do? It's better than sitting around.

I'm also going to get back on working on me. I've made a lot of progress and the fact that I haven't let the recent stressors put me back to a place of deep deppression is something I'm proud of. But I want to keep it that way.

And in doing this I'm realising that while I don't think I'm completely mono, I don't feel I'm poly either. I have no issue with Karma seeing Cookie or anyone else. I understand it.And there may be a day when someone comes a long that I'm interested in. But I get all my needs met in this relationship. I don't feel like I am missing anything or that there is a desire to meet someone else. I'm not closed to the idea, but it's not a pressing point either.

But I guess it just lends back to my disagreement with labels in general. I don't need to label myself as poly or mono or anything else. I'm me. And I like the me I am becoming more and more everyday.
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  #769  
Old 08-10-2011, 12:44 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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I have one cigarette left and I think I'm gonna freeze it and leave it there for an emergency. One thing good about being broke-I have to quit smoking and drinking pop.

Karma is out with Cookie tonight. And I need to get a workout in.

Nothing else too exciting going on.
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  #770  
Old 08-10-2011, 07:41 AM
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Spent the evening with Cookie - she made me a sammich when I got hungry
<3
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