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  #661  
Old 05-16-2011, 11:49 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Like I said Karma, the pain fades....It will always hurt, but the pain will dull after a while.

Help your friend. She was nice enough to help you...right? So repay the favor. You may well be jumping in....even though you don't realize it. Good luck man. Warm thoughts your way.
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  #662  
Old 05-17-2011, 12:39 PM
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Earlier tonight a riend of mine posted someting on facebook that read "I don't hate you, I'm just disappointed that you turned into everything that you said you never would."

Yeah. I'm there.
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  #663  
Old 05-17-2011, 01:39 PM
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Don't take that as a totally bad thing. Maybe what you said you would never turn into, is actually a good thing....That you were rebelling against before.
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  #664  
Old 05-17-2011, 09:12 PM
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She was actually posting it in reference to her ex It just reminded my of a certain someone...
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  #665  
Old 06-04-2011, 03:27 AM
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Not much to really update. We just got back from Ohio. It was a nice switch to come home and have Karma here to help me unpack instead of running out the door to keep someone happy. We got everything put away. He made plans to see Dancer, but she was really sick and sent me a message to let him know she was going to bed. I was disapointed for him. I had made him a dessert to take to her as he was to make her dinner. I really want things to work out for them. Seems busy schedules will haunt us no matter who we date.

Karma is camping this weekend and I have the house to myself. Since we took care of all the unpacking I really have nothing to do other than a few loads of laundry. Updated my OKC account. I've neglected it for quite awhile. Mostly b/c I don't need someone else. If they come along, great, but I'm not going to hunt someone down. Plus Karma and I had a long talk about how selective I have to be. He's worried that someone I don't 'know' won't get all that comes with my medical stuff. Karma can read me, he knows what hurts and how to approach it. If my back hurts he holds my hand instead of hugging me, he knows how to adjust what we do in the bedroom based on what hurts that day. We've had 9 yrs of working all this out. There's a lot of work that would go in to dating someone new that isn't already aware of things.

I dunno, just the random thoughts floating in my head.

On a side note, I'm calling monday to make an appt with an endocrinologist. The last round of strict diet and exercise and very little result had Karma making me see that there really isn't anything I can do. I know I need to lose weight in order to feel better, have less fibro flare, and overall be healthier. But if the right way to do it isn't working my options are to go back to the way of the dancer, something I promised Karma I would never do again, or go see the Dr and find out what is going on. I have hope, they were able to finaly get my female issues under control and give me a sex drive again, so who knows, maybe some more tests and another magic pill will regulate whatever other chemicals are out of whack. I'm confident in who I am no matter what my size, but I know this isn't healthy and I know the fibro is better when I am smaller. Now to just get there.


Oh and something I have been wondering, is it easier to fnd someone when involved in the local poly groups? Karma and I have never really enjoyed organized groups. But am I setting up for failure thinking I'll find someone in the real world who can handle me being married?

Last edited by Mohegan; 06-04-2011 at 03:34 AM.
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  #666  
Old 06-04-2011, 03:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
am I setting up for failure thinking I'll find someone in the real world who can handle me being married?
Same question here.
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  #667  
Old 06-04-2011, 03:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
The last round of strict diet and exercise and very little result had Karma making me see that there really isn't anything I can do. I know I need to lose weight in order to feel better, have less fibro flare, and overall be healthier. But if the right way to do it isn't working my options are to go back to the way of the dancer, something I promised Karma I would never do again, or go see the Dr and find out what is going on.
In the meantime, don't stress about the weight, but do the excersises. Just building muscle, endurance and lung capacity will make you healthier, even if you don't lose any weight till the docs get things worked out. It does make a difference. I imagine the dancer's way is not healthy and therefore may do more harm than good.

Love having the house to myself
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  #668  
Old 06-04-2011, 06:22 PM
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I've been having the same issues with finding someone to date as well. I'm pretty selective, and it sometimes seems the more I am "looking" for it, the less chance I will have to find it.

I check my OK Cupid account once a week or so, just so that it's out there, and I hope that someday someone will pop up I click with.

I can only imagine that having medical issues makes this a lot tougher.

I'm going to ask something a bit nosy, feel free to ignore it if you like But have you considered going grain-free? Not sure, you may very well have, I just know a couple of people with fibromyalgia for whom that helped. And nightshades (tomatoes, peppers, etc) can be an issue for those with autoimmune issues as well. I know there is a LOT involved with it, but that one step did give them some relief. Just tossing that out there...
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  #669  
Old 06-05-2011, 09:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
In the meantime, don't stress about the weight, but do the excersises. Just building muscle, endurance and lung capacity will make you healthier, even if you don't lose any weight till the docs get things worked out. It does make a difference. I imagine the dancer's way is not healthy and therefore may do more harm than good.

Love having the house to myself
Yeah starvation and constant activity are not the healthiest way to live. I didn't workout much in ohio mostly because we on the go the whole time I was there. I've had some vacation recovery time and plan to start back to working out tomorrow. I love my body no matter what it's size, and I want to be able to depend on it, no matter what its size.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
I've been having the same issues with finding someone to date as well. I'm pretty selective, and it sometimes seems the more I am "looking" for it, the less chance I will have to find it.

I check my OK Cupid account once a week or so, just so that it's out there, and I hope that someday someone will pop up I click with.

I can only imagine that having medical issues makes this a lot tougher.

I'm going to ask something a bit nosy, feel free to ignore it if you like But have you considered going grain-free? Not sure, you may very well have, I just know a couple of people with fibromyalgia for whom that helped. And nightshades (tomatoes, peppers, etc) can be an issue for those with autoimmune issues as well. I know there is a LOT involved with it, but that one step did give them some relief. Just tossing that out there...
no problem with nosy, I'm an open book. Unfortunately, I've gone grain free with no change, and surprisingly nightshade help my pain instead of increase. That is what is the hardest thing for me, my body will more often then not defy whatever it is science or studies or plain common sense has to say. Thanks for the idea though. I don't mind ideas when people aren't pushy, cuz you never know, maybe one day someone will have an idea that works. It only bothers me when people push and say "this will work cuz it worked for so and so." Which you didn't do, so thank you!
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I realised this weekend how far I have really come. While in Ohio Karma had the possibility of sleeping with a friend of ours. He asked if I was okay with it, and surprise to me I was! I was more nervouse that I'd change my mind than I was over him actualy doing it. Things didn't work out, but I'm glad that we had the experience. I now can completely trust that he'll ask and respect my answer, and I can be assured that I'll be okay with it.

I am also, somewhat selfishly, enjoying reading the "new to poly" posts. Mostly because in a few I see the me of a yr ago. So raw in the pain and craziness of it all. And here I am on the other side.

I can confidently say a marriage can survive poly after affairs. I have more trust in Karma now, than ever before in our 9 yrs together. Our marriage is stronger, I am stronger. Karma and I both learned so much about ourselves and eachother in the last year.

This is the first time he went to a campout and I not only wasn't worried that he'd cheat, I was half expecting a call asking if he could play around with someone.

Such a change!! I used to dread campouts. Always afriad he'd cheat, knowing that he had. For once I had none of that fear! I trusted that if opportunity presented itself, he's react as we had agreed. It's not even really permission as much as full honesty. It's more of a check and balance system as he tends to be a male and think with the other head. It's our way of him checking in and saying hey I wanna do this, do you mind and is it a good idea? Mostly because there are a few scenarios where he's wanted to and not stopped to think about the consequences (crazy chick, rebounds, etc).


Anyway...it's just nice to be on the other side. To fully trust him again, to be where I don't worry about campout weekends, to half expect the phone call saying he wants to.

I am so proud of us and so in love with him and who he's become.

And with a 3.0 this semester and asking my dad for advice on something he did in class, he's also come a long way in gaining back my parents trust.
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  #670  
Old 06-10-2011, 08:43 AM
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Today was a great day. But first, some catching up.

During our trip to Ohio, my brother and I had a long conversation about Panda, why she's so upset with me, and basically how I had no idea how much I had hurt her by, in her mind, replacing her with Cricket. Add to this how I either ignored everything she told me about the situation there or actively argued and got hostile with her... yeah. In a nutshell, I pulled away from her at the point she needed me the most, after dropping the bomb of "Hey, I have a GF now" in her lap and not even realizing that she did, in fact, have serious feelings for me, and that realization hurt like hell. I've recently been trying to fix that, but damn... that woman breathes fire every little bit as much as I do, and she's harboing a LOT of pain towards me. And seeing as how this is 90% my fault... yeah, I get to shut up and take it for now.

Five days after said conversation, my brother had a nervous breakdown over everything his ex GF put him through, from the fact that she was cheating on him while carrying his child, to the miscarriage, to the fact that she dumped him over facebook with a message that was 2 sentences long... he snapped. I realized quickly that he was going to get violent, and it was going to be directed at either me or his BF, so after he spit on BF, I told the poor boy to go home... and my brother exploded.

We're both accomplished fighters. We're both trained in Muay Thai. We both know each other's fighting style extremely well. It was pretty brutal and nasty.

He has a broken hand and a black eye that extends over his left cheekbone. I was a bloody mess, with a badly busted lip and my own matching black eye, neither of which have healed to this day. But honestly, I know he was out of his fucking mind at that moment, and I'd rather he lose it like that on me than anyone else - I know I can take it, and I know we'll be OK after it's over. Which it was. 30 minutes after it ended, he was apologizing over and over again for what he had done... it actually got kinda old He and I are fine now, he and BF are fine now, and his brain is in a better place. I still want to set his ex GF on fire though...

So I came home two days after the fight, got a day and a half of recovery, and then went to a darkon campout where I NPCed for the group running the campout. NPCing basically means that the entire game is going to be beating on you the whole time! I loved it, but I came home with even more bruises and lumps. Two days later, I went to Tuesday Night Fights, the roughest practice in the area, and whooped more ass, collected more bruises I seem to be attempting to cover my whole body in shades of blue and green, but I swear I'm loving every second of it (except for the part with my brother. That sucked.) Tonight I went out to fight at ANOTHER practice... and it was storming! I was untouchable tonight, to the tune that I came home with a (disappointing?) lack of bruises, and ended up getting into a grappling match with one of the best fighters in the game after we both lost our weapons due to the rainy conditions. This quickly degenerated into a series of throw and counter-throw that had no real winner and no real advantage gained on either side, but still managed to stop practice because people were watching the show

Been spending a lot of time lately strengthening new friendships and renewing old ones, as well. This has been.... suprisingly easy, actually. When I'm not a depressed, drama-filled mess dealing with issues and heartbreaks, apparently I'm a lot more approachable. Go figure, right?

But the kicker for today... so, Dancer was at the campout Friday night, performing. After her dancing, we were hanging out, and apparently she grabbed my ass... and I was too drunk to remember it! So today she got ahold of me on facebook and was apologizing for it, like she did something wrong

I teased her mercilessly. Then Mo sent her a message saying that she encourages the idea of my ass being grabbed by certain drunk belly dancers

We will see where this leads to... still approaching this with the idea of taking it slow, but maybe Dancer has other ideas, even if she only acts on them while drunk
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