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  #621  
Old 04-12-2011, 09:05 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
It would not have been pretty. A good guess would be that he would not have believed or accepted that she was not as good for him as he immagined. It would have been taken as you being petty and jealous, nothing more.



Very likely this.

Likely you both will have a lot more respect for your instincts in the future. Just remember to take his advice and warnings when you find the situation reversed.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure we would not be where we are as far as our marriage had I vetoed things. For a lot of the reasoning you pointed out. And no worries, in the rare instance Karma does voice an opinion I do listen. Usualy.

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As blind as I've been to her this whle time, you're right. It's taken me this long to see her for who she really is - it never would have happened earlier.

That makes me both stubborn AND stupid!
Which is exactly what got me thinking about the Veto thread to begin with. There were comments about "if your partner respects you and you have issues with them dating this person they'll break it off." I don't see it being a matter of respect, as much as, at that time you were so caught up in believing the show that was put on, you couldn't see what I saw. Maybe it goes back to trust. Trusting eachother to make the right decisions for our family? Can you do that when someone is so caught up in NRE that they can't see reality?

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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
NOPE! Well not even going to touch the stubborn comment , but not stupid, it makes you human and capable of loving others inspite of their shortcommings. That is a gift to hang onto. Being able to determine if you can live with those shortcommings and how they will impact your life takes time and no one can make that decission for you. All Mo can do is point out her observations so you can be more aware of things to watch for.
It's something we both need to do. To trust that the issues we may have with future partners are a true thing and not born out of jealousy. Interesting things to think on.
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  #622  
Old 04-13-2011, 05:08 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Good points here Mo. Especially the two at the end. I participated on the veto thread, and I can see where you would think vetoes can be a safeguard to NRE. But I would say your dedication and patience and even some of your rants on here helped Karma understand your misgivings, and more importantly helped your relationship withstand everything more so than any veto. This was definitely a vehicle for communication. Also, your point about jealousy and whether or not something is a true problem gave me some food for thought. Thanks as always.
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  #623  
Old 04-14-2011, 11:34 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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So in the midst of all the drama going on right now, had a moment of giddy last night.

We had 3 friends over for dinner last night. Good times, good talks, really good night. At one point we were discussing my issue with flirting online. We were all laughing at the fact that I have no idea what I am doing anymore in regards to dating. Well I haven't done it in 9 yrs, I'm a different person than I was then, this is all new to me! So after a great night of laughing that I ca't remember how to flirt, they left and I ran out to get cigarettes.

My car dies as I going through an intersection, but am able to coast it into a parking lot with no issue. Small miracles. I wait for Karma to come meet me and the tow truck and flirt with one of the boys at the store. I was just kind of testing that water, standing there in my pajamas talking about cars and sports and other randomness.

So after getting the car off the tow truck, mr sexy tow truck man and I spend about 10 minutes talking cars and as I get back in the our truck Karma is jsut grinnin away. "What?" "Don't know how to flirt huh? Seems like you were doing a fine job at it." LOL I was in my PJ's, talking about cars, at 5 am, with a random guy, and this constitutes flirting? Karma says it was given the body language he saw from both of us.

Well shit....maybe I should of asked for his number

Apparently it is still natural for me, it just hasn't been done in so long I forgot.
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  #624  
Old 04-15-2011, 01:36 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
So in the midst of all the drama going on right now, had a moment of giddy last night.

We had 3 friends over for dinner last night. Good times, good talks, really good night. At one point we were discussing my issue with flirting online. We were all laughing at the fact that I have no idea what I am doing anymore in regards to dating. Well I haven't done it in 9 yrs, I'm a different person than I was then, this is all new to me! So after a great night of laughing that I ca't remember how to flirt, they left and I ran out to get cigarettes.

My car dies as I going through an intersection, but am able to coast it into a parking lot with no issue. Small miracles. I wait for Karma to come meet me and the tow truck and flirt with one of the boys at the store. I was just kind of testing that water, standing there in my pajamas talking about cars and sports and other randomness.

So after getting the car off the tow truck, mr sexy tow truck man and I spend about 10 minutes talking cars and as I get back in the our truck Karma is jsut grinnin away. "What?" "Don't know how to flirt huh? Seems like you were doing a fine job at it." LOL I was in my PJ's, talking about cars, at 5 am, with a random guy, and this constitutes flirting? Karma says it was given the body language he saw from both of us.

Well shit....maybe I should of asked for his number

Apparently it is still natural for me, it just hasn't been done in so long I forgot.
Well well well, coy little Mo...all sassy and flirtatious! Good for you girl! It is great to get that feedback...especially when it is just random!
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  #625  
Old 04-16-2011, 01:51 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Mo, L just told me that you have been doing it all along, but you forgot what it was because you had no goal before. Now that you do, it's gonna feel "weird". L says that I do the same thing.
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  #626  
Old 04-16-2011, 05:47 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Mo, L just told me that you have been doing it all along, but you forgot what it was because you had no goal before. Now that you do, it's gonna feel "weird". L says that I do the same thing.
Very very true. You married a very wise woman.



I have to keep wiping tears off my cheeks. But no worries. I am grinning ear to ear. Karma pulled his bass out tonight. I haven't heard him play in years! We're having a blast handing the headphones back and forth and playing with the effects.

I'm crying because as I explained to him-I'm a dancer, it's part of who I am. I can no longer dance. I feel that piece of me longing to put on ballet shoes daily. I live through going to ballets, looking at pictures, and dreaming. That's as close as I'll ever get to the stage again.

He's a musician, it's part of who he is. for so long he has lived through other peoples music. Seeing and hearing him play again makes me so happy. He found the strength to pull that other piece back out. I'm not sure how else to describe it.

The best part is, this is his 5 string that he got from his dad our first Christmas here. He's never really played it. Fucked around with it, but never really played it.

And now I can't stop laughing. He pulled the strap off his other bass to put on this one and goes "Fuck! It's stuck on my hair, how do I do this with long hair!?!"


He's been so involved in moving past everything, and finding ways to distract himself, and I have been in a ton of pain and fighting alleriges, that we've not been very close the last few weeks. I understood where his brain was, and as hard as it was to let him pull away, I knew why it was needed.

Tonight seems to be a bit back to normal. Even a little past normal. We're laughing together. Genuinely enjoying the night. Giggling over the effects and him getting used to a 5 string. Trading the headphones back and forth. Remembering things he came up with years ago.

I see this man, 9 years after I met him. Who he has become and all we've been through. And I can look at him right now, and see the 21yr old I had just met, sitting in my friends living room, with his short blue hair, playing his bass and being in his element. I remember that rush of "Oh my God, I'm in love with him." It's funny how a distant memory can just jump out like that.

And now I sit here, thinking of all that uncertainty of new love, smiling at how much I still love him. Of how he still give me butterflies. Of how seeing him once again in his element brings tears to my eyes.

and of course there's the fact that I was "Thought Crime's" first groupie. Maybe they'll make a comeback

Last edited by Mohegan; 04-16-2011 at 05:54 AM.
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  #627  
Old 04-16-2011, 02:09 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
Very very true. You married a very wise woman.
I know. I'm VERY lucky she's stuck with me for the last 20 years.


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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
I can no longer dance. I feel that piece of me longing to put on ballet shoes daily. I live through going to ballets, looking at pictures, and dreaming. That's as close as I'll ever get to the stage again.
Not true....Unless you WANT it to be true. Mohegan, I say this with firsthand knowledge, as well as experience. Those that cant anymore, for whatever reason, teach. So even if you can't get on stage...or even walk....you can still teach. I know that it is best to teach by showing, but sometimes, we have to use our extensive vocabulary. I have trained under a boxer who could barely walk...a BJJ stylist who couldn't roll because he had some back issues...AND...I have taught martial arts...even though I had a broken foot.

So, you have the knowledge....Therefore you have value. Teach...Even if you do it for free...TEACH OTHERS what you know! I currently only have ONE student. I keep teaching him....and he keeps teaching me. I teach him how to defend himself. He teaches me....How to teach better.

So while you may never be able to don the ballet shoes again and do what you once did, you CAN help others realize that dream and live vicariously through them, and pass on your knowledge. If you don't...then it is wasted knowledge.

Please remember, I say these things in the kindest way, and I hope you don't get mad or upset. Please....Put out the word that you are looking for a student to pass your knowledge on to. And don't be discouraged when they don't have the same drive as you....or the same desire as you. But please DO help them to learn it and develop that drive.

Hugs
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  #628  
Old 04-16-2011, 02:20 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
And now I sit here, thinking of all that uncertainty of new love, smiling at how much I still love him. Of how he still give me butterflies. Of how seeing him once again in his element brings tears to my eyes.
Oh, such warm fuzzies

What TL said, most definitely.
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  #629  
Old 04-16-2011, 10:21 PM
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Karma Karma is offline
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Hey TL, that was kinda awesome of you
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  #630  
Old 04-16-2011, 11:40 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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TY Karma. I hope it helps. I also hope that she takes on a student. If she loves dancing HALF as much as I love martial arts, she'll be an AWESOME instructor.
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