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  #531  
Old 01-10-2011, 12:14 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Keep your chin up Mo.....Keep your chin up. My wife was in your shoes not too long ago.
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  #532  
Old 01-13-2011, 11:59 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Great start to our anniversary. Our roommate went out for the night so we were able to have our normal loud sex. Amazing!! We tried some new things, pushed some boundries, was interesting.
Dinner and a movie tomorrow (today we're on our typicaly odd schedule again), then museums in DC on Friday.

Things are going really well.
Now if only our "temporary" roommate would find somewhere else to live. I love him, he's honestly one of the only people I have ever lived with that I don't want to kill. But I want my living room back! Our place is too small for 3 people and I'm starting to get a bit clausterphobic. He was only supposed to be here until we got back from Ohio, and now...who knows. I don't wanna kick him out on the street, but something is going to have to happen.

Last edited by Mohegan; 01-13-2011 at 12:06 PM.
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  #533  
Old 01-15-2011, 07:05 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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You know what I really can't stand about poly? I can deal with sharing my husband. If sharing is what you want to call it. I can deal with making schedules and the little things that come up as time goes on. What I cannot deal with is being told I am supposed to keep my mouth shut about my husbands other relationship, when that relationship keeps working its way into my life.

When my husband is upset, that comes through to my marriage.

I can't just say, "well that has nothing to do with me, so leave your negative emotions at the door" anymore than I can say "well I'm glad your all giddy from your time with her but come back down to Earth for awhile".

It just fucking sucks that our emotional states are no longer just ours. We no longer are the major influence on eachother. I now have to deal with someone elses influence on his life and I can't do a damn thing about it.

If he were upset with me, he's tell and we'd find a way to make it work. But when he and Cricket have an issue, I live with him, I still get the brunt of it.

I love my husband. I want to be there for him and support him in anyway I can. I am not saying this is his fault. In reality it is what it is. It's not like he can say well this is not Mo's issue so I'll just be happy now. I'm not upset with him for having feelings. I am upset that they have nothing to do with me, yet impact my life.
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  #534  
Old 01-16-2011, 12:12 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Yea...that is a big downfall but can't that be negotiated? It is unfair that you have to endure the energy left behind by whatever issues he may be dealing with in his other relationships. I mean, I know we all have our moods and our own ways of dealing with things but, in a way, it's similar to how you would conduct yourself at work if you were having personal issues. You don't go to work carrying that on your shoulders for everyone around you to deal with so why can't there be some sort of filter when it comes to how he might interact with you? I'm just thinking out loud. I know it's harder for you because you guys live together and, of course, he should be able to completely release his emotional burdens in his home but, on the other hand, how does he also be sensitive to you?

I know you guys will figure it out and work it out but it is definitely thought-provoking. *hugs*
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  #535  
Old 01-16-2011, 04:23 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Karma is out with friends. Our roommate is MIA. I am left here alone moving from violent anger to such emotional pain it brings tears.

All I've ever wanted was for him to be happy. It hurts so much to see him in this pain. I want to lash out, but I respect his love for her, so I don't. I just sit here and try to wrap my brain around what the hell just happened.

How we went from making schedules for homework dates to "cutting losses".
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  #536  
Old 01-16-2011, 08:51 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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My husbands broken heart is contagious. Not interested in eating, just wnna sit here and smoke and get drunk. And since drowning sorrows is his way to go, that's not gonna happen.

It ripped my heart to shreds to hold him while he shook and sobbed last night. To not have the answers to the questions he kept asking. "Yes honey I know she isn't replaceable, no honey I don't know why she doesn't know it. Yes honey I know you're whole body hurts"

It makes me cry just thinking about it.

They are meeting to talk now. I made him write out all his why's. So he didn't get upset and forget. I'd them to find a way. But if they can't I hope he can find closure.

I never thought I'd be holding my husband while he cried over another woman. I'm glad I'm here for him. But I hate that he has to feel this at all. If this were a g/f, I'd show up with chocolate, kleenex and a bunch of chikflicks. I don't know how to help my husband through this. I feel so helpless. I've never seen him like this and it hurts so much.

If by some twist in the road, they walk away from today trying to work things out, I think I'll step away from the blog again. She referenced my comments about how it was seeping into my marriage. Even though that blog was directed at Karma, she took it personaly, and regardless of how I feel about things, I can't help but feel guilty over that. So it may be best, for them, if I stop.

I may disapear anyway. She's all he's wanted in the world of poly. She may think she's replaceable but she's not. So this is most likely the end of our poly journey anyway.

I'm gonna go find something mind numbing to watch on TV and wait for him to come home. Any suggestions on helping him would be appreciated.
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  #537  
Old 01-16-2011, 09:38 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
My husbands broken heart is contagious. Not interested in eating, just wnna sit here and smoke and get drunk. And since drowning sorrows is his way to go, that's not gonna happen.
Its a perpetual motion solution. It only gets worse with booze.

Drowning sorrows is a very ironic term.
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  #538  
Old 01-16-2011, 09:41 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Hugs!

I understand why you may need to step away from your blog, but I would encourage you to stay. I may never venture into a true poly relationship, but being here has changed my mindset and helped me make possitive changes in my marriage and other relationships in my life. Besides, we would miss you.

I also came here due to a cheating spouse. He is currently not cheating, but this last time was not the first and I have no illussions that the issue will never come up again. I am hoping that the next time, we can address the situation completely differently and we can avoid the "cheating" thing all together. After 19 years of marriage, I know things tend to cycle and while I hope to never see some parts of the cycle again, I need to be prepared for others.


Just to vent:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
She referenced my comments about how it was seeping into my marriage.
Excuse me! How did she expect that this relationship would NOT seep into your marriage? It effected your marriage from day 1.
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  #539  
Old 01-16-2011, 09:58 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Hugs!

I understand why you may need to step away from your blog, but I would encourage you to stay. I may never venture into a true poly relationship, but being here has changed my mindset and helped me make possitive changes in my marriage and other relationships in my life. Besides, we would miss you.

I don't know for sure yet. This forum has been helpful in so many ways. Not just poly. If they do decide to try again though, I will most likely not post near as often. I don't want what I say taken out of context and hurting their relationship anymore.

Just to vent:



Excuse me! How did she expect that this relationship would NOT seep into your marriage? It effected your marriage from day 1.
I didn't read the message she sent him, but I was told she felt like she was being blamed for the problems in our marriage ( which has NEVER been the case) and that she was tired of being attacked on the forum. What I said was a generalized "this sucks but I know why it sucks". She took what I said personaly and out of context. Something that is getting really old really fast and a big reason for my considering ot posting as much.
I dunno, this whole thing is a confusing mess. I truly hope Karma is getting the answers he needs from her.

Last edited by Mohegan; 01-17-2011 at 01:33 AM.
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  #540  
Old 01-17-2011, 12:15 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Minor sigh of relief. Just talked to Karma. He seems to be in better spirits. Not great, but not where he was last night. Waiting for him to come home and preparing to do for him whatever he needs.

I'm new to this whole comfort the husband when breaking up with the other love of his life. But I'm gonna do my best to do whatever he needs.
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