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  #401  
Old 10-27-2010, 07:32 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
That is beautiful. I am five months into my poly relationship and we just came through a great weekend but now, while preparing for another big step in the relationship this coming weekend, I have developed some reservations about things I have been feeling. I'm sure I will be able to air my thoughts to my partners and we will work through but I hope to be back where you are soon after.
It's a rough road. But worth it, in my opinion. Good luck to you!

Karma- Darling husband, when did we start sharing a blog? I don't mind, at all, just curious as to how it happened.
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  #402  
Old 10-27-2010, 04:38 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
Karma- Darling husband, when did we start sharing a blog? I don't mind, at all, just curious as to how it happened.
Teehee!
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  #403  
Old 10-28-2010, 08:53 AM
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It's been a very stressful few days. And after many conversatons and arguments I think Karma and I moving forward again. He's overwhlemed himself and was pulling away. But I think we're back on track again.

I have noticed though, that when he goes to his friends for advice about us, they are usualy wrong. Am I that abnormal? Apparently. Karma and I will talk and he'll say " Panda's husband said you are acting this way because of blah" and it'll be totaly off base. It would be much easier if he would just come straight to me. I get the need to vent and work things out before confronting the situation. But when the advice is almost always wrong and leads to further issue, it may be time to look for another route.

In other news, we got the report back on the car $3000 worth of damage and we should have it by Nov 5th. So we are taking Karmas brother half way and being met by another friend so we can save on some gas, cuz the rental takes almost twice the gas we use in the car. Then we'll head up on the 4th to get the car and come back.

And to top it all off, I'm sick. But at least we'll be here to see Panda off on Monday.
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  #404  
Old 10-30-2010, 01:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mohegan View Post
Karma- Darling husband, when did we start sharing a blog? I don't mind, at all, just curious as to how it happened.
Everyone who has an opinion I care about reads your blog. Only a few of them read mine. You have a better advertisement campaign, so I've decided on a merger

Starting to deal with... well, with a lot of things really. Panda leaving being a major one, but more improtantly, I've realized that I spend so much of my time trying to help the people around me that I haven't been doing anything to better myself in any way. This needs to stop - I'm simply not strong enough to carry the burdens of everyone around me all the time.

So, I'm learning to prioritize. Mo an Cricket are really the only two people I'm going to be concerning myself with for a good long while, other than myself. People need to start learning to solve their own problems, instead of expecting everyone around them to do so for them. I need to focus on me and my life.

This is going to be a lot more difficult than it sounds for me though. As Cricket likes to say, I have a serious "save the world" complex. That's how I've lived for so long, it's going to be difficult to unlearn that pattern.
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  #405  
Old 10-30-2010, 04:27 AM
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@Karma-okay dear, whatever you say, ironicaly it seems the blog title fits us both anyway.



I'm sick. Been sick for days. Lost about 8 hrs of memory from my sugar crashing last night. I needed Karma to fill in the blanks. Thankful things came back the more he filled in. Still having issues keeping it up. That's the problem with being sick, it'll get all wonky and not having an appetite is no exscuse. I'm timing my meals to make sure I eat.

I want to carve pumpkins but Cricket is away for the weekend, and I don't have the energy to really do anything anyway. But I feel disconnected to the season this year. With Panda leaving on the first, I'm not looking forward to the start of the new year.

Got a nasty e-mail from my mom, I can't wait to be insependant of their support so they can no longer hold it over my head.

Karma is making some goos decisions for himself and I am so proud of him. I hope he sticks with taking care of himself for awhile. And remembering that as his wife, I'm his partner and he can share all burdens with me.

I'm looking forward to getting on our feet. To using this weekend, being New Years for us Pagans, as a new start. To kiss all the drama of the last year goodbye, and start fresh. I'm hoping to do my fall cleaning on Monday or Tuesday after Panda leaves. I'm hoping to get some job apps out this weekend. Karma is getting started on getting accepted to an electricians apprenticship program. We get my car back on the 5th. And I have an interview for a job in a bakery in Ohio on the 5th as well. I hope I can find something here though. I don't want to live with my parents/ be away from my husband for over a month.


But I am taking the positive that's there and growing it. This will be a good year. I 've decided it, so it shall be. Fuck all the negative and the drama. I've learned, I've grown, and now I'm going to use those lessons to make this year kick ass.


So as I do every year here are my goals for the coming year:

Pass all classes and progress in obaining my degree
Seek employment in my field
Support Karma in career training, and gaining employment
Become independant of parental support
Work on paying down debts
Get in touch with Dr's about weight and inability to lose it
Get apartment clean and organized to a point of livability (buying organizing tools for Karmas darkon gear is a big step in the goal)
Work on finding hobbies and doing things for myself
Encourage Karma to do the same
Continue building and growing relationship with Cricket in a positive light



So with all that said. I'm looking forward to my new year. I hope you are as well. I hope you all have a positive and fulfilling new year. A fun and slightly naughty Halloween. And a safe and happy weekend!
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  #406  
Old 11-01-2010, 01:11 AM
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I hate it when Karma and Cricket fight. It's so hard to find my place. I want to be a good wife and be supportive, but I also want to respect their relationship and stay out of it. I know him so well, that I can see everything she takes the wrong way and want to jump in and explain what he really meant. But again not my place. At points I agree with him and want to jump in and tell her off for talking to my husband that way, but again not my place. I want to ask why everything has to always be a fight, but again not my place. Karma and I fight all the time, but we reach a resolution. They just let it fester until the next fight. Just because people have differing opinions does not mean they are out to attack you, they just believe passionately about their opinion, as you do yours, and sometimes you have to agree to disagree in order to save fighting over something that will never reach a resolve.

I just feel outta place at the moment. I'm angry and hurt. I'm sick of plans getting tossed aside because something else has come up. I understand things happen, but I'm begining to feel like I'm being avoided and that just pisses me off even more.

Cricket and Karmas brother finaly got through to him about doing something with his life. And I'm glad to see him take the steps, but upset that I've tried for years and years to get him to take the exact steps he is now, and it seems like anything I say means nothing.

It's always been like that. I can say something, and he'll ignore it or even argue it, but let someone else, especialy Panda or Cricket, say the same thing, and it's like they've unlocked the secret level.

I have enjoyed my time alone with Karma the last few days, but was really looking forward to our new year celebration. And now Karmas upset over their fight, she's not allowed out of her house so she can't come over, Panda and her husband invited us there but don't want to come here. The damn pumpkins are still sitting untouched. And I almost don't even care.

Bout to send Karma off to get drunk with Panda an her hubby and spend the night carving the pumpkins myself, enjoying my reserve of vodka and ringing in the new year alone.

Cuz that's the only way I see to keep up with my mantra of the new year. Out with the negative, grow the positive.

At least the cats can't bring any negative around.

I'm not even upset with Karma, but I don't know how to help him and that just frustrates me even more.
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  #407  
Old 11-01-2010, 04:47 AM
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I say we should make the cats carve the pumpkins. They have built-in hardware, after all
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  #408  
Old 11-01-2010, 08:55 AM
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My head is full of pressure and the slightest noise makes it vibrate with the weirdest pain sensation ever. At least the dizzy is gone for the most part.

After the Karma Cricket argument I decided I was cooking anyway. So we went to the store and came home and I cooked the side dishes and Karma made steak. We had Leek and Cornbread dressing, mashed pumpkin, garlic and cheese mashed potatoes, croissants and apple pie with pumpkin ice cream. Was pretty yummy. Tried to carve my pumpkin. It broke. So I stabbed it a lot and felt better. Toasting the seeds tomorrow.

Frustrated with the Cricket and Karma thing still. I cannot see things from her point of veiw. I just do not get how she thinks. I wanna help them resolve things, but I can't cuz I don't get where she's coming from. I want to be a supportive wife, but I'm frustrated that he never listens to me anyway, so what's the point.

And Panda moves tomorrow. Day of suck!!! Giant Fucking Day of Suck!!! I just want to put the covers over my head and wait for the day to be over. Maybe if I wish hard enough she won't leave. The one female I can get close to, and tomorrow I say goodbye. I know it's not forever and I know we'll be fine. But it still fucking hurts. And I'm trying to help Karma through it, so I bite back my venom and move on. I've dealt with this plenty of times. I'm an Army Brat. We move. We don't get close cuz you never know when you'll leave. We didn't move a lot, but my friends did. I know how to deal with it. Karma doesn't. So tomorrow I'll be there for my husband, and in a week or two, it'll be my turn to fall to pieces. It's what we do.

And tomorrow after they move, Karma is going to see Cricket. They need to see eachother, I'm fine with that. Just not looking forward to being alone with my thoughts tomorrow night.

And then Thurday we leave for Ohio again to my car and to have the interview for the job I need to take and don't want to.

So not starting the New Year off growing the positive like I intended to.
But for now, I have to be up in 6 hrs to say goodbye to my wife. So I'm gonna go stare at the cieling.
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  #409  
Old 11-02-2010, 12:21 AM
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Been waiting for Karma to come get me so I can take my sick ass to Pandas to say good bye. Only to find out he's been with Cricket.

I'm a little beyond pissed right now.

Hopefully Panda is still awake when he gets home so I can say goodbye! I don't even know where they are staying tonight.
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  #410  
Old 11-02-2010, 04:43 AM
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I just said good bye to the only woman I've ever loved.

I feel like I just lost a part of myself.
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