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  #101  
Old 07-07-2010, 02:24 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karma View Post
As far as the fibro/workout thing is concerned, you know that you're going to have bad days. You can't beat yourself up because of this. Sometimes your body just needs a break. Stick to your diet, give your body what it needs, and Just Keep Swimming
Good go this world needs a fibro support group. Its unbelievable how the trends and mistakes are ooooo so similar
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  #102  
Old 07-07-2010, 02:38 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Good go this world needs a fibro support group. Its unbelievable how the trends and mistakes are ooooo so similar
There are a ton of them out there. But I've found I personaly tend to dwell on the problems it causes when I'm a part of one, instead of fighting it. Unfortunatly it's been really bad the last few years and I'm not adjusting well to it at all. I was on hormone therepy for some other medical issues and gained 100 pounds in 6 months. I used to be a ballet dancer (had to quit due to injury and the fibro). It's been 6 yrs and I'm still fighting to get rid of it. It's hard because when I'm feeling good I push really hard and then pay for it later. There are times I just want my old body back so bad I just get really down.


@Karma
I love you honey, and what you said means a lot. I just feel like I'm making it harder for you. And I'm not losing weight anywhere near as quickly as I want and I just get so damn frustrated with it all. You know how well I do with not being able to attack a problem. Thanks for being there babe.
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  #103  
Old 07-07-2010, 03:15 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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There are a ton of them out there. But I've found I personaly tend to dwell on the problems it causes when I'm a part of one, instead of fighting it. Unfortunatly it's been really bad the last few years and I'm not adjusting well to it at all. I was on hormone therepy for some other medical issues and gained 100 pounds in 6 months. I used to be a ballet dancer (had to quit due to injury and the fibro). It's been 6 yrs and I'm still fighting to get rid of it. It's hard because when I'm feeling good I push really hard and then pay for it later. There are times I just want my old body back so bad I just get really down.
Thats exactly what pengrah does. She feels good, puts all into the day or two and then hurts for an extended period.

To be honest, she wouldn't fair well in a fibro group. She tends to dwell on all aches and pains and if she saw other peoples problems, it might cause her stress. As it is she is yogaing quite a bit and walking. One of her most difficult tasks is seperating day to day pain from fibro pain from good pain. She has a really difficult time and breaks down for any ache. Even though they may be "good" pain.
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  #104  
Old 07-08-2010, 04:24 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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I'm so ready for a padded cell right now. I got two nights of sleep and then last night nothing but nightmares. Woke up to a panic attack. Karma is out with his g/f and her non-ex? I dunno what to call him as she changes her mind every week. They are all talking about schedules and working out issues.

Karma called two hours ago to tell me his younger brother is in Jail. He's 18 and has Ashburgers. A high functioning form of autism. He got in a fight with the youngest brother and Karmas parents couldn't split it up so they called the cops. It's huge mess that's been bioling for awhile but instead of getting the kid help they hauled him off to county jail. He goes to court in the AM.

I just called Karma back to see if he got any more info, like if the kid has a lawyer, if his mom has all his medical records, how the talk withg/f went etc and Karma just gave me one word answers and treated me like an aquaintence instead if his wife. He thanked me for calling to check on him and it sounded so blank. Maybe I'm reading to far into things, but I feel like since I'm not there and not his g/f, I'm not worthy of being there for him.

I imagine most of it is lingering effects from the panic attack, but I'm starting to wonder if the Gods feel I have something to learn in a padded cell, cuz they seem awfuly focussed on breaking me. And I'm starting to wonder if they'll win.

I'm not jealous of her being there for him, I'm glad he had that when he got the call, but I feel pushed to the side because I wasn't. He seemed so disinterested in talking to me. I was getting one word answers and was having to pull everything out of him.

Any advice? I'm so frustrated right now, I know this may very well be me being to sensitive but I don't know how else to react. He did a very similar thing when his friend was killed, he wouldn't talk to me about it at all. Everyone else knew what was going on in his head but me. How do we go from being so close to so distant in a matter of hours?
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  #105  
Old 07-08-2010, 05:19 AM
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Ariakas

That's the hard thing with Fibro. I have heard of so many people ignoring a serious condition (currently there is research being done on chest pain) like a heart attack because they think it is fibro pain. It's really hard to tell since has so many symptoms. Thankfuly being a previous dancer, I have the ability to tell the difference between good muscle pain and fibro pain. I long to feel the good muscle pain, it reminds me of days when I danced and would wake up after an intense rehersal and feel every muscle.

The positive is because of the nature of fibro, we can build muscle much faster than others. I only use weights once or twice a week but within a month I have definition in my biceps and calves.I didn't have biceps even when I was dancing

I tend to dwell to much though when I'm in a support group. I hit a nasty depression about a yr ago maybe a yr and half and wouldn't leave the house, wouldn't clean the house wouldn't do anything. Every little ache was something I needed to stay in bed over. I'm not sure of the nature of the psychological connection, but it all started when I joined the support board.

There's no doubt that there are days I can't get out of bed. But I'm back to fighting it. I've taken to remind myself that Yes I do have fibro, but it doesn't have me. I refuse to let anything dictate what I can and cannot do. It's hard to find the happy medium, but I try.

When we got out I find my place to sit and grow roots, usualy with a friend that was injured in Iraq, and we let people come to us. It still takes a lot out of me to just go out, but I make adaptatons When it's not 100+ degrees out I go camping with Karma and the foam weapons fighting group he belongs to. I love to camp but have had to adapt it as I've gotten worse. Can't got without an air mattress, a fan, 20 blankets, narcotics, ear plugs, a chair and a whole list of other amenities. Not quite as care free as I used to be, butI make it happen because I want to be in nature and enjoy my friends.

In a way I'm lucky b/c I've had this since I was 14 or so. 13 yrs is a long time to learn to live with it and learn to adjust. I've had yrs of hardly any pain and yrs where my parents almost went to jail b/c I missed so much school and my Dr's had to get involved.

It makes finding a partner a huge ordeal. I was in an almost remission when I met Karma, so he didn't truly know what he was getting into. I could try and prepare him all I wanted, doesn't mean he really understood how hard it would be. I also have OCD and my house is usualy spotless, now our tiny one bedroom apartment is almost too much for me to keep up with. Karma has been amazing, with a few hiccups, but he's still here and we're still figuring it out together. But he knows me. In the bedroom he knows where my triggers are and avoids them almost instinctivly. He knows when he can be rough (well my version of rough anyway) and when he has to be gentle. Add in having cervical cancer 3 yrs ago and endometriosis, I have ton of things to consider when choosing a partner. Will they be gentle enough? Can they get enjoyment from things being as gentle as they have to be? Will they be understanding that I can't handle certain positions? Do they get how easily I can be over stimulated and then be worthless for hours later?

I almost envy Karmas ability to go off and have casual sex and only have my emotions to worry about. I have to be picky. I have to find someone who gets it. It's like a job interview has to occur in order to have sex. That's a lot of why my wife and I have no had sex. We makeout, we are emotionaly connected in a way that surprised me, but she knows she'll forget to be gentle and hurt me so we never let go any further. I respect her for that, even if it does disapoint.

This is all honestly how we started talking about opening up the marriage in the first place. I wanted Karma to enjoy rougher sex that I couldn't give him. I had hopes to find our unicorn, who would get what we both needed, and fit us perfectly. That has obviously not happened and things have obviously gone way beyond what I originaly planned, but such is life I guess.

Anyway, I just hope you know that Karma and I totaly get it and if you ever need someone who understands the whole caretaker aspect of things, he's a good one to talk to.
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  #106  
Old 07-08-2010, 04:56 PM
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Karma Karma is offline
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I'm not going to stay in my cocoon like I used to, babe. I just... needed to be there with my cigarettes and my one-word answers for a little while. You weren't the only one geting them, trust me. Gf game me a back rub, and she got almost no response from me. I just needed to 'turn off' and process things for a bit... sorry. I'm not too sure how to handle this mess right now.

Our talk last night helped. You cuddling with me for hours helped even more. I can guarantee that if it wasn't for you, I'd be a trainwreck right now.
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  #107  
Old 07-09-2010, 12:13 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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I just want to scream and sit in a corner and cry at the same time. Just a bit overwhelmed at the moment.

Waiting on Karma to pack so we can make yet another 6hr drive to Ohio. A friend of 23 yrs is getting married in sept and this weekend is her bachlorette party and bridal shower. I was looking forward to it, but now I just don't want to do anything.

Karma wanted to see g/f before we left, but decided that as soon as I woke up was a good time to tell me instead of ask if I minded. That really frustrated me. I ask for 24hrs notice so I can prepare for them being alone and so I can rearrange whatever I had planned. Really all I need and Karma knows this, is the common consideration of "do you mind"? It's not about asking permission, it's about common courtesy.

So we've both been going back and forth with moods since I got up. His brother is out of jail, He goes to court monday. Found out the kid had no lawyer and signed a bunch of papers with no understanding of what he signed! I really wanna know when his parents are gonna step up and be parents!!! Their youngest turns 18 in 3 days! This whole thing can drawn back to them and their inability to be parents and that really pisses me off.

I wish we could have afforded to take custody 8 yrs ago when we talked about it.

On a small plus side, I may have a date when I get back. Not holding my breath. He'll probably be to busy.
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  #108  
Old 07-09-2010, 03:29 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Its Aspergers, rather than ashburgers. Just so you know.
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  #109  
Old 07-09-2010, 03:30 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Thanks, I spell it a dif. way everytime.
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  #110  
Old 07-09-2010, 12:34 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Uhhh Well we're in Ohio again. Got in about 7:30 am. But made the trip better than I usualy do. I can still walk! Currently working on getting the A/C in the car fixed, scheduling time to see my niece, and see Karma's brother and heading to Cleveland for a bachlorette party and bridal shower. Gonna be a busy weekend. The whole drive in the radio played nothing but replays of Lebron James saying he was leaving. I'm sick of it all ready!!! The only sport I follow is hockey, so I honestly couldn't care less, except I do care cuz I'm sick of hearing about it!

Karma and I had some intersting talks on the drive up and I'm in a much better place thought wise. Minus all the crazy nightmares of late. Oh well. Gonna go find something interesting to do...
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