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  #1  
Old 08-22-2012, 07:53 PM
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devjacgatton devjacgatton is offline
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Default Looking how to find a relationship

The wife and I are new to poly and she has been starting to get kinda down because she is looking for a girlfriend that is close but can't seem to find one ... Any suggestions?
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  #2  
Old 08-22-2012, 10:56 PM
pinkhop pinkhop is offline
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Can you give us some details of what she's tried, and her perspective on why things aren't working out that might help you get some more specific advise.

Also, I always fall back to what Dan Savage says about this: every relationship fails until 1 doesn't.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:55 PM
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devjacgatton devjacgatton is offline
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Mostly because the lack of options .. We've tried swinger sites, Craigslist, okcupid and still have had no results
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  #4  
Old 08-23-2012, 01:59 AM
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devjacgatton devjacgatton is offline
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Lol we just moved from san Diego last year lol
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  #5  
Old 08-23-2012, 11:40 AM
Lifeisgood Lifeisgood is offline
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Basically in the same situation here. We had a poly relationship with my wife's close friend (male) for 8 months. He wanted to move on and find someone he could have full time, and show off to in public, etc. Now we don't really know what to do. We have made a couple of mistakes along the way. Hook ups, and things that just aren't really what we are looking for.( Not that that wasn't fun in it's own right, hehe) Can't seem to find a real relationship at the moment. Good luck to you, hope you find happiness!
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  #6  
Old 08-23-2012, 02:01 PM
Wolfwood Wolfwood is offline
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Hey guys, yeah, the swinger scene isn't the best in Madison. I know from experience. Online is an okay option. Here are the variety of ways we've met other partners.

- Strictly platonic section of CL (my girlfriend had just moved to Milwaukee and was looking for female friends)
- Madison's nude beach (Just befriend a group of people and ended hanging out with them later in the evening).
- Okcupid (this is how my GF find's male partners)
- Referrals / social circle - by far the easiest way to find partners is to have a core group of fun poly friends. Our group formed when my girlfriend started dating her current secondary (a guy, who I am now good friends with). The three of us hang out all the time and we just seem to attract other people interested in experimenting. However, it helps that we are all social, flirty people.

If you want to help your wife, then maybe think about brushing up on your "pick-up" skills. There are various resources for that kind of thing, my favorite is sedfast.com (they have a very active forum that's all about meeting women, they even have a poly section). Anyway, I hope some of that is helpful.

EDIT: You might want to try some of the swinger events in Milwaukee. I recommend the hotel take-overs, they are usually really fun.

-Wolf

Last edited by Wolfwood; 08-23-2012 at 02:07 PM.
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  #7  
Old 08-24-2012, 04:03 AM
nessamarie nessamarie is offline
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Default We're in the same boat...

I was looking for the same advice...we have tried OKCupid and many other websites...is there something more specific to meeting like minded people. We are patient, but just feel like we hit a bunch of dead ends. Any advice...we are in the NY area...about 1 hour North of NYC.
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  #8  
Old 08-24-2012, 06:04 PM
Wolfwood Wolfwood is offline
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The BEST and easiest way to meet like minded people is to pick them up in everyday life, as a couple. Flirt with them, take them home, sleep with them, show them a good time and they will come back for more. This will always be way, way more effective than online profiles.. especially for meeting women.

Here are some general tips for meeting and picking up woman, based on my own personal experiences. I am going to address it to the men.

1) It's important for your wife or girlfriend to have an active role in this. Women trust other women; women do not trust men. It will always be easier for your wife or girlfriend to pick up another girl, than it will be for you.

2) Have a healthy social life, go places where you can meet and talk to a lot of people. Be open about your polyamorous lifestyle and bring it up in casual conversation. Don't do anything to make it appear as if your lifestyle isn't socially acceptable.

3) Men, as a general rule, your job is to handle logistics, be charming, and make sure everyone is having a good time.

4) At the end of the night, casually invite women back to your place. Either way you should go back home and have hot sex at the end of the night. If another girl decides to join, then it's a nice bonus. YOU CAN'T LOSE! =)

In my book, ALL relationships should start casual and get more serious if there's chemistry and compatibility. Don't sweat it if you have to go through a few one night stands to find a girl that wants something more serious.

I understand this kind of thing gets harder if/when you have kids. I'm not at that point so I can't really give advice for that. I suppose we'll deal with it when we get there.

Anyway, I hope somebody finds this post useful. I could probably give more advice on the topic, but I think those are the basics.

-Wolf
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  #9  
Old 08-25-2012, 03:47 PM
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IrisAwakened IrisAwakened is offline
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I always have luck with OKC. I have met three boyfriends that way, but in meeting other women, I have only made friends from it. I think women are more sensitive in online sites than men, making them pretty defensive on OKC.
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  #10  
Old 08-26-2012, 02:31 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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I think that cruising swinger sites and known haunts is possibly the worst way to meet poly folk. Yes you may get a bunch of NSA sex out of it, but that isn't what most folks define as poly. It's possible that poly may come out of an NSA situation, but it's unlikely, based on what I have heard.

I won't pretend to speak for other folk, but having casual sex first, then seeing what happens, is the absolute *last* way I would want to start a relationship.

You have a much greater chance frequenting places where poly folk are - while there are some poly folk who also swing, the vast majority of poly people wouldn't go near a swing place. Not sure if you have a local poly group, but if you do that would be a great place to start. Ren Faires seem to be a fairly common interest of poly folks, too, although how you would be able to spot one I'm not sure.

OKCupid is a good place, but you have to be patient. Look for people who specifically mention poly in their profiles, as you can't rely on the "Available" status, since that can mean everything from "Cheating on my spouse", through "Swinging" all the way through to poly.

And just being on here can sometimes help - stick around and watch the intros and posts and see where folks are from.

I wish you luck.
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