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  #21  
Old 05-12-2010, 07:59 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
(Ha, Mono basically beat me to the questions)
Sorry Ygirl ..I have a spidey sense for this type of stuff it seems. The fact that I treated some people in my life with incredible disrespect and destructiveness makes me very intolerant to doing this again or seeing it done. Not only did I scar them, but I scarred myself as well.

I'll be slower in the future
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  #22  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:02 PM
ellie ellie is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Please tell us what is good about this person and what you get out of staying with him (other than "we're soulmates" or "the sex is mind-blowing").

(Ha, Mono basically beat me to the questions)
Trust me the last few days I've been looking long and hard at our relationship and how he is treating me and her and conducting himself.

We've always been honest with each other, and to this date I do feel that he is honest with me. I do think in general he is a kind caring person, one of my best friends. This is just where we disagree and are constantly fighting.

I guess I just have to figure out if this what I want.
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  #23  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by ellie View Post
I agree...but I think why I feel so strongly is because she doesn't know about us. He refuses to tell her he's an open relationship...which is one of the main reasons for our fights..
Deceitful. Lying...dishonestly...he is cheating on her with you, if her expectation is monogamy.

Relationships aren't easy...none of them are. But I expect honesty in mine, he is abusing that honesty.
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  #24  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:18 PM
ellie ellie is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Deceitful. Lying...dishonestly...he is cheating on her with you, if her expectation is monogamy.

Relationships aren't easy...none of them are. But I expect honesty in mine, he is abusing that honesty.

I agree, as she does want monogamy a relationship (so he has told me) but he has told her he doesn't.

I agree...100%
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  #25  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:34 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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So she thinks she's the only one?

"Hon, I have to tell you something. Remember how I said I want this to be an open relationship where we can both see other people? Well, I've been seeing someone else the whole time we've been together. I've actually been with this person for over a year. She knows I'm seeing you and is ok with it. I'm hoping we can all get past the fact that I started on the wrong foot with you and move forward from this point on."

Yup. I see THAT going over REAL well with the "secondary" (since you said in the OP that you are the "primary"). Someone's going to get hurt...

Last edited by NeonKaos; 05-12-2010 at 08:38 PM.
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  #26  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:41 PM
ellie ellie is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
So she thinks she's the only one?

"Hon, I have to tell you something. Remember how I said I want this to be an open relationship where we can both see other people? Well, I've been seeing someone else the whole time we've been together. I've actually been with this person for over a year. She knows I'm seeing you and is ok with it. I'm hoping we can all get past the fact that I started on the wrong foot with you and move forward from this point onward."

Yup. I see THAT going over REAL well with the "secondary" (since you said in the OP that you are the "primary").
Yes I am the "primary". She know's she's not the only one, but she also doesn't know how significant my relationship is with him. Telling her that it's casual and dating other people vs. the actual significance of the "others", the "others" factor being only me, just doesn't know.

I know it won't go over well at all. He'll end up hurting her in the long run, at least I think he will. Just an all around upsetting situation.
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  #27  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:45 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
Yes I am the "primary". She know's she's not the only one, but she also doesn't know how significant my relationship is with him. Telling her that it's casual and dating other people vs. the actual significance of the "others", the "others" factor being only me, just doesn't know.

I know it won't go over well at all. He'll end up hurting her in the long run, at least I think he will. Just an all around upsetting situation.
I am sorry, I fell into the pain of a poly breakup because I was naive about what poly was. I set myself up to hurt by accident...

You guys (you and your bf) seem to be building yourselves up a nice big pile of dramatic incidence which is bound to end in pain...on purpose. I just don't get it...the person that will be hurt the most is the poor girl on the other end who will be blindsided...
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  #28  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:53 PM
ellie ellie is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I am sorry, I fell into the pain of a poly breakup because I was naive about what poly was. I set myself up to hurt by accident...

You guys (you and your bf) seem to be building yourselves up a nice big pile of dramatic incidence which is bound to end in pain...on purpose. I just don't get it...the person that will be hurt the most is the poor girl on the other end who will be blindsided...
This is my first poly relationship to be honest. And I agree. I hate all this drama and conflict and I hate fighting. I don't get it either. I just don't know how to proceed just leave it alone, or end it because I don't agreee and feel that is highly dishonest. I guess I just have alot of thinking to do.
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  #29  
Old 05-12-2010, 11:08 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Have you met the "other woman"? Do you know how to get in touch with her? How about "inviting her for coffee"? You could tell your partner that if he doesn't tell her the whole story, you will. Call her up or message her and say "Hi, this is Ellie. Do you know who I am?" See how she responds and take it from there.
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  #30  
Old 05-13-2010, 12:39 AM
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KatTails KatTails is offline
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YGirl - you took the words right off my fingertips - I was just going to say the same thing.

Quote:
She know's she's not the only one, but she also doesn't know how significant my relationship is with him.
The other girl has a right to know what she is getting into and you deserve to be more than a secret or an insignificant person in his life. Waiting until they have been seeing each other for 6 months, I think, is just cruel.

You have a tough decision to make. Best of luck to you!

Kat
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