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Old 04-28-2010, 04:08 PM
victorearose victorearose is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8
Default Looking for support and advice

Hi everyone,
I have been in a same sex monogamous relationship for 9 years. My partner and I are opposites with our libido. I feel like I am horny all the time. She doesn't care so much about it. The longest we have gone without was a year. We have (until recently) been in a cycle of me feeling frustrated, unloved, rejected, depressed, etc and pulling away from her and flirting with others online; then she feels the distance and gives me what I want (which is usually her cleaning the house and having sex with me). During the year of no sex, I really emotionally isolated from her.
Now, I have gotten real about what has been going on and we have talked about it and realized that she may be asexual (which she said at the beginning); but we are reading and finding out that asexual is considered another orientation and she is just wired that way. We are just wired different. We have both been hurt by this ... she feels that I bully her into having sex when she doesn't want it and I feel that she doesn't love me when I am left wanting. We do not want to go on hurting each other.
I figure we have a couple of options to get off the unhealthy merry-go-round: open the relationship so I can have my sexual needs met, or seperate. The ball is kinda in her court now to decide what she can live with.
We love each other and otherwise have a good life and relationship; plus I have children that haven't ever known anything but having 2 moms at one house and dad at the other.
In researching, contemplating, etc. we have read "Opening Up" and I am now reading "The Future of Love"
Anyway ... I guess I am looking for some support, friends and people who understand.

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Old 04-28-2010, 04:25 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Welcome to the story. You have one thing on your side, you both seem to communicate well ...

I wish you luck in hopefully opening up, over ending it. Lots of information on this forum should help
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Old 04-29-2010, 02:23 AM
victorearose victorearose is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8

Thanks Ariakas,

Interestingly, we sat down to talk today and she has decided to stay with my non-monogamous self.

I am actually quite surprised. It was not at all what I was expecting. I am a little nervous now ... feeling like okay ... now what do I do? LOL! I figure our work is just beginning on this new phase of our relationship.

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