Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-13-2012, 03:51 PM
jennygreen jennygreen is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
Question Some unbiased advice?

Straight to the point:

I've been considering polyamory for a long time. I've never felt fulfilled in a monogamous relationship, and have always tried to convince myself otherwise and believe that I'll learnt to be fulfilled.

I have a wonderful partner, whom I love and respect very much. While I could be wrong, I am almost certain than broaching this subject with my partner could lead to the end of the relationship (and ifnot, to problems within the relationship without solving anything for e).

What I'm trying to work out is... is it worth it?

I'm in a strong, happy relationship. I've never experienced being in polyamorous relationship and therefore can't even be absolutely sure that it's the right choice for me. Yet I've felt for many years that I'm not fulfilled in a monogamous relationship. I'm not really sure what might be a good next step for me.

If anyone has any words of wisdom that might help me I would be very grateful.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-13-2012, 04:18 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

Well, first up, there's no such thing as truly unbiased advice - we all have our own sets of filters and paradigms we work with.

The big question, for me, is what do you feel you are missing to not feel fulfilled? Do you feel that this is specific to your current relationship, or has this been something that you have felt in the context of previous relationships too.

I think that it's worth trying to come up with those answers first - post them here if you'd like some feedback. I find it hard to really give advice without knowing this.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-13-2012, 04:35 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,646
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jennygreen View Post
I have a wonderful partner, whom I love and respect very much. While I could be wrong, I am almost certain than broaching this subject with my partner could lead to the end of the relationship (and ifnot, to problems within the relationship without solving anything for e).
It sounds like you might have some work to do on your relationship if you guys can't talk about stuff. There is a BIG difference between discussing options and acting on your desires. As being able to communicate to your partners is absolutely essential in poly or any long lasting relationship, start your work here. Do some "tag" searches on communication, foundations, lessons, etc. You can get some insight to what others have learned on their own journey.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-13-2012, 07:09 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,222
Default

Quote:
I have a wonderful partner, whom I love and respect very much. While I could be wrong, I am almost certain than broaching this subject with my partner could lead to the end of the relationship (and ifnot, to problems within the relationship without solving anything for e).
I am not happy being in a relationship where I have to hide parts of me.

My longer feelings on that here.

In your case? If you were in my universe?
  • Your partner would have the right to clear communication.
  • Your holding back could be a lie of omission -- if your NOT sharing this impacts the rship in some way.
  • You have the responsibility to know and state your wants, needs, and limits.

Spit it OUT.

Just you articulating ...

"Hey partner? Can we talk about my internal weather? I've been having these ideas and feelings. I just want to talk about it to air it out some so I can get a better handle on it. Can we set time aside to do that?"


... should not make or break the relationship. Just talking is not you ACTING on it or betraying anyone. You are playing ball here. Who else do you go to for emotional intimacy and Vulnerable Things Shared if not your partner?

Don't sell yourself or your partner short. Speak your truth -- if even at a whisper.

GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-13-2012 at 08:51 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-13-2012, 07:47 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,436
Default

GG-you have the greatest, simple points.

(I agree with all 3 above posters advice).
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-14-2012, 06:11 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 211
Default

A helpful question might be......Do you feel fulfilled as an individual human being? If not, all the relationships in the world with multiple people are not likely to help you feel fulfilled. That was one thing I asked myself over and over when considering divorcing my first husband. Was my dis-satisfaction, lack of fulfillment, a result of the relationship or some lack in me that I might not want to face up to and work on??
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice needed, relationship issues

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:04 AM.